All Journal Entries Journals

Just Feeling Bad

Apr 22, 2011 - 4 comments

Just feel bad. Very anxious and depressed. Stomach is a wreck from all of these medications and I'm so confused. I have no Idea what to do anymore and I'm just trying to take it a day at a time. Can't find a decent job and that really makes things tough. Lease is up at the end of the summer and I have no idea where I'm going to live. The gym is my only solace. I wonder if the clonezapam is causing my stomach constipation? Thoughts are always racing really bad and even though the medications do help, the toll that they take on my body is wearing me down and I don't know if they help me enough to balance out the physical issues. I have to learn some kind of skill that I can make a living at and not be so miserable all the time. I wish I knew someone that would give me a chance and teach me how to do something. ANYTHING. Just feel worthless. I can't keep this up much longer. I know a lot of people have it much worse than me but, feeling like this all the time is still no way to live. BPD? Depression? Anxiety? Which one really applies to me? None of them? All of them? What am I? Who am I? Do I really have any friends? Will I ever have anyone to be close to? Wow. I wonder if anyone else thinks like me? I sure hope not.

Comments
Post a Comment
1647259 tn?1302979025
by Thru_Looking_Glass, Apr 23, 2011
I've definitely gone through those "woe is me" periods, many times, in my life. I know I'm BPD and I know how it influences my thinking. For me, these episodes were often more attention seeking than rescue seeking. I'd seem to want to feel badly about myself and I'd try hard to have someone, anyone understand what I felt and then feel badly for me. Pity Party Time!! To me, this worked. But it doesn't. You really need to get past this self pity stage and start on the self rescue stage. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, honestly, I'm not trying to dismiss this. But until you believe you can change, you won't change. As I've said, you have things influencing your desicions, but bottomline is that you are still the one with final say and ultimate power on all desicions. Recognize how BPD/Anxiety/Depression sway your choices and choose to ignore them. Take the chance that you are right and they are wrong!! Move on.....

1647259 tn?1302979025
by Thru_Looking_Glass, Apr 23, 2011
Reading over what I wrote (please excuse typos) I'm afraid you'll misread my message. This is not a "get over it" post but rather an attempt to get you to redirect your efforts. Instead of trying to convince others you're worthless, try convincing yourself you're not.

Avatar universal
by Tater5962, May 06, 2011
Yea I've been there also..I take clonazepam 0.25mg it seems to affect my stomach too..question just feeling bad do u feel like this everyday? I need a friend too I'm Patrick (27yrs old)..it sounds as if you have no self-esteem or confidence..I had to overcome my problems w/that it's difficult..I'll post but nobody will reply??

Avatar universal
by Tater5962, May 06, 2011
I agree thru_looking_glass move on...I know it's hard..

Post a Comment