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The passing of a friend and the deepening of my despair

Apr 25, 2011 - 5 comments
Tags:

passing of a friend

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Cancer

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Hope

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fukushima

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Chinese Medicine

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Asperger's



In the process of trying to heal from what I believe is the effects of multiple toxin exposures (mercury, lead) as well as a lifetime of trauma, I spoke both online and by phone with a real character.  It was his suggestion that I take my meager resources and find a school of Chinese medicine to accelerate my recovery.  The school he recommended is in different city from the one I'm going to... my sister lives in this city and there is one here, but it has turned out to be of a much lower quality than the one he suggested... obviously no longer owned/operated by the founder.  This is a city of millions, and between the city water, the noise, and the stress of not living in circumstances I can control, I am in significantly worse condition now than when I arrived a month ago.  Frustrating, disappointing, distressing.  

Add to this the knowledge that our country is being poisoned beyond imagining by the nuclear disaster in Japan - and that similar disasters are a certainty in the future.  All my extreme, expensive attempts to detox are puny next to the effects of radiation poisoning, which there is no escaping.... even the most organic of food producers cannot stop the fall of radioactive rain.  

Yesterday I learned that my friend, Crazy Owl (born Charles Emerson Hall) died two weeks ago... effectively just two weeks after the announcement of the extent of the damage to the nuclear plant in Fukushima.  He was 83 years old.  My friend was a botanist, herbalist, healer, and counter-culture dropout (the media called them hippies).  He started out as a mathmatical statistician and research methodologist, complete with PhD, whose hobby was botany (born of the experience of escaping into the wilderness after horrific beatings by a rage-aholic father).  

At the age of 48, when his own research predicted our current cancer epidemic, he "dropped out", turning to a natural lifestyle and natural healing.  His website is www.crazyowlsperch.com (no doubt this site will disappear soon).  I warn you.... while it is informative and loving in it's offerings, it is also ascerbic and rife with the thoughts and attitude of a man who turned his back on all things common to our American culture... he was a husband and a father, un-apologetically bi-sexual (it is my personal experience that many of the people I know who are bi- or homosexual are seeking affection from the parent whose love was most unavailable -- you may disagree), and you may find the material shocking in quite a few places.  Not surprisingly, he was estranged from his family until immediately before his death.  Crazy Owl was not your average American - there is absolutely a lot about him I don't know, though I know from my own personal experience that children learn by what they see more so than by what they are told, and I'm not sure I would have wanted Crazy Owl for a father.  He was the best kind of friend.  

After turning his back on convention, for the rest of his life he taught and practiced healing based on natural living, including traditional Chinese medicine, while learning more about and cultivating native American and European medicinal plants.  At the time we started talking (only a few months ago) he awakened before dawn every morning and practiced yoga until noon, then walked a considerable distance to his garden and tended his "medicinal roses".  At this time of his life he was a very gentle soul who still (probably more than ever) did not suffer fools gladly.  He was frustrated by the general refusal to see that we are destroying the earth and our bodies, despite the efforts of people like himself and his dear friend, Jeff Poppen (another counter-culturist who pioneered "biodynamic farming").  

He didn't dwell on it in our conversations, but it was clear that he was thoroughly disgusted by the routine of helping people heal from the effects of their lifestyle only to watch them return to what had made them sick.  

I keep wondering if he used his knowledge of herbs or even just body control to hasten his passing, or if his heart just broke at the Fukushima news.  He gave me hope, when forty years of traditional medicine had taken all of it away and left me sicker than when I started.  I miss him profoundly.  

In one of our last conversations he told me that he wanted to start a new commune (now called "intentional communities").  He believed that the earlier commune movement failed because there were no elders... people of experience in life... to guide the young idealists through the realities of existence.  

I'm quite distressed also to have finally acknowledged that I have autism... high-functioning (Asperger's).  It explains so much and that is a relief.  There is no treatment and that is distressing... to finally know what's so wrong and then that there is nothing that can be done except medications to control the symptoms bred of frustration and stress.  For six months I've been using herbs and diet to the best of my ignorant ability.  The Chinese medicine school I came all this way to attend is a joke.  Crazy Owl told me to go to a different one, but I don't have the money and my wildly expensive health insurance is useless for "alternative" medical treatment.  Autism treatment of any kind is not covered by insurance in most States.    

Where I am is a metropolis of millions of people, all trying to live in the desert as if they were in a verdant land, as if God intended it that way.  I spent much of yesterday tending my sister's rosebushes... in the desert.  Despite the excellent sun exposure and temperature, it's hard to grow roses here because of all the bugs and diseases that attack a plant struggling to live in the wrong environment (most of them imported to this area by the same people who imported the roses themselves).  Despite her own desire to follow her conscience about using non-organic fertilizers/pesticides/fungicides, that's all that seems to work and the roses add to the value of her home so they must be cared for.  

There is a tangerine tree next to the largest rosebed and we don't eat that fruit because of the nature of the systemic used to keep the roses healthy.  Picking fruit is hard work that cuts up my hands and arms... to then throw out the fruit feels so wrong.  It's bazarre and I can't wait to get out of here.  I just don't know where I'm going to go.  It's no fun (this is called "understatement") to not know where you will be laying your head in a few months... the fact that I am anything but alone in this dilemma doesn't help.  

I recently was sent a video of a conference at which an authority in radiation poisoning discussed both Fukushima and the US use of radioactive artillary in Iraq. http://blog.imva.info/medicine/radioactive-currents-winds

I cannot begin to express my horror.  Not only have we poisoned another country's land, we poisoned all the boys who were taught by their parents to "do their duty" by serving their country as soldiers.  Many join only because the government offers soldiers assistance to go to college and that is their only hope of an education.  Many join because most of our manufacturing (and poisonous manufacturing practices) have been shipped to other countries and there is no work for uneducated people.... unless you call working at McDonalds selling poisonous food work.  

We are killing ourselves -- we are killing the planet.  

Meanwhile, people are intent on making fortunes selling every kind of substance and device to counter the poisoning... not infrequently the same people behind these companies are the ones doing the poisoning.  Money... greed...  I've been trying to find a church to go to that glorifies God and not any man... after dozens of websites I may have found one, but even there the emphasis is often on social activism.  I just want to talk to God and be with other people who want to do the same thing.  

I don't know what to think anymore.  I sure don't know what to do.  

If any of this explains my negatively and sensitivity (you definitely know very little about who I am or what I've been through in my personal experiences) then perhaps you will feel a little less harsh toward me.  

I hope that you and whomever/whatever you love are well.

Comments
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by crackerjack4u2, Apr 26, 2011
Hello.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend,  and your Asperger's diagnosis too.  You are in my Prayers. God Bless Brenda  

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by margypops, Apr 26, 2011
I understand what you mean Katrinka the way they are pushing the world we will not have to be concerned about radioactivity, its whether the world will survive ...the middle east is getting worse .and we are in the middle of another war ...

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by katrinika, Apr 26, 2011
Apparently picking those tangerines was a mistake... within an hour of finishing I was so sick I went to bed, where I've been until now - mid-day.  Was is from the rose poisons?

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Apr 26, 2011
Oh tangerines are usually delicious, too much sugar maybe ,darn hope it passes.

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by katrinika, Apr 29, 2011
It passed... took almost 24 hours.  I'm consuming lots of fiber, plus zeolite.

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