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Working Full-Time

Sep 19, 2008 - 0 comments

I haven't been up for writing for a few weeks now.  I miss the time in August when I could be on every day.  I went back to school a month ago (that is, I work in a school) and my life has become messed up again.  I enjoy my job.  I work with kids that I really like.
But work is the only place where I feel "normal."  During the day I mostly feel good, I joke around with my students, enjoy teaching them, and I interact in a normal way with my co-oworkers.

But after work all I want to do is go home. Desperatley. And then when I get home all I want to do is get into my bed.  Sometimes I go to sleep.  A couple of times, I've read a book and listened to the radio.  But most of the time I fall asleep and when my alarm goes off after an hour or so I just snooze it and keep on sleeping.  Then it's 9 pm and time for me to really go to bed.  So more often then not I just get up to take my meds, find something to wear and go back to bed.
No dinner, no talking with friends on the phone/returning phone calls, no internet, no TV.  And I 'm taking an online class for the first time in 15 years, and I'm neglecting that, too.  And that's requiring a lot more time than I thought it would.
My house is a terrible, terrible mess. I can't have anyone over and it just keeps getting worse as the days go by.  I'm terrified my landlord is going to need to come in.  

I hardly eat, and I'm neglecting my cats who like to play.

I am in some kind of rut.  I started taking Prozac a couple of months ago to fight my depressed state.
I was frequenty sucidal when I just started it, and that has gone away completely ( except for a tiny little bit tonight).  But this is not a life.  Every thought I have is wearing me out and I just want to go to bed and lie down for a bit.  Take a mental break.
The problem is my mental breaks are hours long.

I haven't worked out but twice and that's a big biggie, as I'm trying to lose weight and I know it helps my mood.
One of my friends here encouraged me to keep writing as it would help me, so finally tonight I am taking her advice.
Working full time is kicking my a**.

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