It's about a week from now that my dear parents will come up to visit us (for 4 months!!!!) after almost 9 months of not seeing each other….it's been painful, but it is so exciting to think about the faces they are going to make when they see my little almost 3 year old 'newborn'….
It's still so hard to see how my little chubby baby turns into this beautiful little girl, but at the same time, it's soooo amazingly rewarding and the pride I feel for her overrides any kind of melancholy related to 'loosing' my infant.
It's magical to see her dance with such coordination, yet still shaky little hands when she tries to put together her favorite princess puzzle. It's somewhat frustrating to tell her 3 or 4 times to not touch the toilet (or play in it, for that matter), but once I step back to see the bigger picture, it's extremely cute to see her try so hard to use the bathroom like such a big girl she thinks she is. I cannot believe almost a year ago she was out of diapers! (believe it or not…. I miss that).
Thinking about it…. there is not much left of my baby. Only faces and expressions she makes at certain things: when she looks up at me… and I can still see her little double chin and neck rolls like when she was 9 months old…, or when she is sleeping and her short little arms are thrown upwards and her chubby belly hangs out of her shirt. Her standing in the shower trying to 'catch' the water with her chubby little hands….
Boy. Now I think back and it was extremely rough to get rid of each baby item, one by one…. like the bottles…. the binkies,….. her favorite baby swing that momma and dadda went out to get right before she was born…., not to mention her boppy pillow where grandpap used to put her to sleep (even when his arm felt like it was going to fall off) for hours…. he would not move because his baby girl was sleeping…. *sighs*
So many things now have changed…. she has a twin bed (that she rather not sleep in) instead of her crib, she eats sitting at the table instead of a high chair, she wears skates instead of pushing a walker, she carries on conversations about her 'best fwiends' and where she'd like to go shopping 'tomowow'….. it's unbelievable!
I see how she 'takes care' of our friends' new little boy…. she is such natural nurturer! she calls him 'baby Eli' even tho he's not much younger than her….
I cannot help but to just picture her being a 'big sister' someday.
I know, I know…. I've said million times that she will be the only one….. but to see her in such nurturing, caring, happy mode… makes her father's and my heart swell. Of course there are many big priorities for now, like finish our house, like figure out our finances as a family, ….. but maybe one day, if it's our destiny, Maddie will be the big girl role model that I think she would no doubt be, to a little tiny sib.
In the meantime, we are decided to enjoy every last drop of her juicy self. Every tiny minute of the time I get to spend with her is sacred, and treasured, and stored in my memory like it is GOLD. These are the memories I will go to the cemetery with. I will always carry with me the very first time I felt her little hands in my womb, I will always keep that baby smell and her sweet milky breath in my heart. I will always remember those little baby sounds (that sometimes she still seems to be able to pull off for me….. like if she knew mommy melts….. every time). I will always be carrying those little hands on my cheeks, and those little pecks at night followed by a 'good night mammi, I wuv you too'.
We've decided we are going to do a little Mexican cultural expression called 'presentacion de tres anos', which is a three year old ceremony at the church to give thanks to God about the life of a child.
Eventho her dad is not the most religious person in the world and, well, mommy isn't a nun either… we've decided this will be the perfect occasion to celebrate in a more spiritual manner, the fact that this little angel was sent from above to fill up our lives with so much joy.
Being a mommy……*ehem* being HER mommy has been the most painfully AMAZING experience in my entire life! painfully because there's so much love you can fit into a heart the size of my fist….