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Just another divorce

Jun 07, 2011 - 4 comments

Well that's it I'm pretty sure mum and Harold are done, they're splitting. Not like I haven't lived through divorce before. But the thing is when I was I'm grade 3 when mum and dad split I was too young to really know what was going on, I don't even remember anything about it! I always thought I just went down stairs and continued playing with my toys after my parents told me but according to my dad I ran and bawled my eyes out on the couch. I guess I just blocked it out. 

But still I don't know why this hurts. I don't even like Harold, I never have! But that's not the thing it hurts because as much as I can't stand him I still want mum to be happy! 

And mums right it is our fault us kids I mean. If we had just done our chores there would of been less stress on mum and Harold. But the thing is I try and try, and I can't do my chores any better than I do. I really do try I just can't. And as hard as I try I can't keep my room clean, and that's what stresses mum and Harold right out! 

Anyways I guess I'm moving back across the country with Dad and Auntie mummy, can't wait! I'll be free and maybe actually happy! I'm always hiding in my room here cuz I know otherwise I'll be yelled at, but with Auntie mummy it will be different. I've never once heard her yell! Things will be AWESOME, school will be hard but I'll make it through. I just won't take math like I was planning. 

As for now until I move, I don't even know if I'll be in my room tonight, mum woke us all up at 2:00am and said were leaving but she had no were to take us, so she's figuring it out today

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1462044 tn?1448394736
by toxicBOOM, Jun 07, 2011
Bran, no matter WHAT your mom says, it is NOT the fault of you or the kids. If she actually said that to you, I am appalled that an adult would sink so low and blame her children for her problems. If your mom and Harold are splitting, it's because there are issues between them that can not be sorted out. It's not because you can't keep your room clean. Even if the lack of help is what caused them so much stress, as adults, they should be able to handle it and figure it out. I still live with my parents, and I know that sometimes we (kids) just don't do our part. It's a part of life, and parents should be able to accept that and put us in our place.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be awful.

As for moving in with your dad, maybe the change of scenery is something you need! Maybe you'll be happier and can tackle your own personal issues. Whatever happens, you have many people here on MedHelp who are willing to listen.

134578 tn?1602101550
by AnnieBrooke, Jun 08, 2011
No marriage ever broke up because kids didn't keep their rooms clean.  What tBoom says is true, it is not the kid's fault if the adults can't make it work.  NOT NOT NOT.  Your mom sounds like she doesn't take responsibility for her actions, and that's bad enough in an adult but to then turn around and blame a kid, that is just low.  I am so sorry, don't accept the blame no matter what.  Just know, you might have been the easy target, but it is NOT your fault, and say this to yourself all your life when she pulls this kind of crap about things that could not possibly be your fault.  She makes you the target of her anger that really comes from making a bad choice in Harold.  Shame on her.

1461073 tn?1308677548
by crackerjack4u2, Jun 09, 2011
Hi Bran, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this.  I agree with the other comments that in no way did you kids cause your mum and Harold's problems nor should any of you been made to feel that way.  Too often it is easier for a person to place the blame where it does not belong and on someone else to keep themselves from having to face the truth and take responsibility for their own actions.  If seeing a messy room when they walked by caused them to be stressed then they should have closed the door so they didn't have to look at it.  You are a teenager and trust me the majority of teenagers have messy rooms and most like them that way.  If you do end up moving in with your dad and autie mummy I hope things go very well for you and you are able to work on your own problems without being blamed for things that have nothing whatsoever to do with you or the other kids in your family.  Good luck sweetie and please keep us posted on how you are doing.  God Bless Brenda      

1339332 tn?1329854366
by skydivediva, Jul 07, 2011
Dear Bran,

Even though I visit your page whenever I come to MedHelp, this is the first time I'm seeing this post. I'm sorry that your family is enduring another divorce. I know that divorce is painful and affects everyone in the family.

You must listen to T-Boom, Annie & Brenda, however: divorce is NEVER, EVER the kids' fault. Sure, having kids, worrying about them and dealing with household messes can be stressful. BUT in a STRONG relationship, the parents (and step-parents) work together to deal with these stressors. Apparently, your Mum & Harold had other issues---things that had nothing to do with you and your brothers & sisters---between them that they couldn't resolve. YOU and your siblings ARE NOT responsible.

I know that divorce can seem to be the end of the world when it's happening, but sometimes it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. When parents (and step-parents) are involved in a difficult relationship, the struggles of that relationship often sap their energy and steal the time and energy they would normally be using to care for themselves and their kids. When your Mum is no longer trying to deal with the daily conflicts of a difficult relationship, she may have more time to take care of herself and to think & see things around her more clearly. She may be less distracted by her own problems and more able to see your difficulties more clearly and lend more support to you. It's unlikely that will happen immediately, because she will need to heal herself first. She's likely to have some feelings of sadness, hurt, anger and failure that she'll have to cope with before she heals. Try to be patient with her. In time, hopefully, she'll cope with all those feelings and be better able to take care of herself and her family. Sometimes a divorce/break-up even improves the relationship between the two people who were married/together. When they have some distance between them and aren't fighting day-to-day, they can once again see the good things in one another that made them get together in the past. Maybe this will happen between your Mum & Harold; maybe not---but at least they won't be hurting each other or arguing on a day to day basis.

You've mentioned before how much you love your Dad and Auntie-Mummy and that your Auntie-Mummy is supportive. It may be a good thing that you are moving back with them. Are they aware of the eating & esteem issues you've been struggling with? If not, PLEASE talk to them and arrange to continue your counseling with specialists in this area when you move across the country. I know you were quite active in your youth group and that your youth pastor has been a big supporter for you. Is there a youth group or other supports you'll be able to turn to if/when you move back with your Dad?

You have dealt with your eating issues for a long time, Bran, and you've proven that you are STRONG and DETERMINED. I know the divorce will be difficult, but you are strong enough to get through that, too. Please do keep us posted about how you're doing. You have a lot of people here who care about you.

Mary Ann ("Sky")

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