I truly don't remember the answer to this question.. May be over a year ago the day my son was born may have been the last day I was truly happy. That was almost 13 months ago.
But things are truly awful between me and DH. He has become an utterly miserable, bitter, unhappy man that I don't recognize anymore.
Everything makes him unhappy, almost every thing I say is wrong and now we hardly talk to each other.
We don't have sex anymore, we don't kiss or even sit next to each other anymore..
We sleep in the same bed.. but as far away possible from each other, facing the opposite directions.
He doesn't help out in any house work other than doing the dishes every night. Never changes the baby, never feeds him, never rocks him to sleep, never bathes him..I do every thing while working full time. On his off days (we don't work the same hours) he watches TV, naps on the couch all day while my mom watches our son.
When I am done work I am off to the park with the baby every day, and on the week ends I do laundry, cleaning, every thing around the house plus spending time outdoors with my son. Summers are so short I believe we should enjoy the sun and good weather. but DH's ideal off day is indoors all day and watch TV and nothing else.
I know DH loves our son so much... the biggest activity they do together right now is watch nursery rhymes video clips online. Or when we go shopping they will walk together, run around while I get what I want.
DH always reminds me of how important it is to read to our son.. but never reads a book to the boy himself. Just wants me to do that too.
I worry for my son. What kind of an example is he getting from his dad? Will he grow up to be an emotionless man like his dad?
I work fulltime and bring in as much money as him. plus do every thing around the house. I am so burnt out.. no more energy left.
After doing all this when some thing little is out of place... DH gets really mad! For an example the other day I brought the cordless phone hand set it in to the kitchen and forgot to put it back on the cradle. DH saw it and and oh my God.. eye rolls,huffs and puffs and muttering ..!!! All he had to do was just put it back..
He complaints that I don't let him eat what he likes.. yes! that's because I love him.. he's diabetic, and is on meds for high blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetics and I want him to be around to see our son grow up! With his lack of excercise he's like a ticking time bomb..a heart attack waiting to happen!
I lost my dad when I was 2 1/2 yrs. My mom raised me alone. I know how hard it is for a child to grow up without a dad. I don't want that for my son. But there's only so much I can do.
I make sure they get a healthy meal every day... but end up getting [email protected]
We co-sleep with our son and in the morning DH always sleeps in as the baby kicks him all night and doesn't let him sleep. but I am the one who nurses him all night half awake while DH snorses away. DH wakes up just in time to take a shower and go to work after I wake up, change, feed the baby. I am just exausted every day!!
When tell him how tired I am .. his answer is "why don't you sleep when the baby sleeps.. don't watch TV" but when do I relax?.. watching a little bit of TV once a while is my only way of relaxation...
Tomorrow is our 8th yr wedding anniversary..but I doubt if he even remembers. My mom wants to make a cake for us, but I said "no thanks mom..".. How can I tell her how unhappy I am..? I can't tell anyone that I know. Noone knows how bad things are between us..
He wan't always like this.. he was a fantastic man when we first met. He was a kind, gentle, loving man. But he has changed a lot...I am not even sure if it's possible for a man to change so much.
Once in a while I see the man I married. He tells me he's sorry for being like that. But switches right back to his grumpiness in a matter of hours or days..
Things are so broken I don't think we will ever be the same. I don't want to leave him or divorce. I have no friends or family. My mom who lives in another country is with me temporarily. After she goes back I will be all alone with my son.
Today I took DH and our son out to brunch for father's day. The whole time DH didn't even say a word to me other than to say what he will order and to say that baby had pooped.
Right after the food arrived the baby was very fussy and started crying. DH didn't even lift his head up .. just continued to eat. I walked out of the restaurant with the baby as he was disturbing other people around us. DH quietly finished his meal and came out , took the baby and asked me to go and eat. It was awkward... I looked around and families enjoying meals laughing, chatting.. I just wanted to cry!
I question myself did I do something to drive him away?... I don't know.
Is this all my fault.?
No point trying to talk to him as it will be a disaster. He says every thing is always only about me...and not about how he feels. and that's how all our conversations end .. so I don't even bring anything up anymore as I know how it's going to end. One time he told me to leave if I am not happy with him. At that point I knew there's no love left for me in him.
He's never been abusive, never yells ....when he's angry he stops talking, rolls his eyes, sighs and walks away. I find that more annoying that yelling at me. I would rather him yell so at least I know how he feels.
I am so conflicted.. sad..and helpless! I don't know what to do.