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please beware ! ! !

Jun 23, 2011 - 44 comments

ever wonder "who" is really behind that picture?  those kind, thoughtful, and comforting words??????

i've been here over 4 years now and have seen ppl...especially men...come to this site and prey on women's vulnerability.  she's lonely...depressed...her husband is not paying enough attention to her...and along comes "him" with just the right words to lift her up.  before long...the notes turn into private messages...messages turn into phone calls...and sometimes plans to meet.

without going into great detail...i remember a couple of years ago that two members had a "thing" going.  when it came down to the wire...meeting was scheduled...the woman finally confessed that the pix that she had been using were not even her...they were of a friend of hers.

been following a member here for quite some time.  please ladies...you are NOT the only woman that he is hitting on ! ! !  he is hitting on soooooooo many women...single, married...he doesnt discriminate.

JUST PLEASE BEWARE ! ! !

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1621133 tn?1310049641
by juandos1980, Jun 23, 2011
ladies beware....

Avatar universal
by Vance2335, Jun 23, 2011
I have seen this a couple of times myself. A man who will prey on someone who is lost or has emotional issues. Online you never know if someone is real or if they are putting on an act to impress you for fun or other means.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Jun 23, 2011
Oh boy.....

Avatar universal
by Womanontop, Jun 23, 2011
What is the harm if you never meet, never get involved, and are aware he is totally a liar and you do not care or believe him? Basically you know what he is about, you are just entertained. Thoughts?

Avatar universal
by joggen, Jun 23, 2011
Sounds like a member of Congress (no pun intended).

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Jun 23, 2011
Excellent warning Lizzie.  I just want to add to that in being cautious about giving out personal information.  I have seen those who give it far too easily and freely.  And I see ultrasound pics all the time with identifying info on it.  You just never know who you are really dealing with, or who is seeing this stuff.  Thank's for the reminder...it's a good one and I hope people pay attention.

Womanontop....it's really up to you to decide that.  Personally, if I know someone is lying to me and being deceitful, I don't bother with them.  That's just me though.

1716230 tn?1313585533
by nastythyroid, Jun 23, 2011
Totally share your thoughts adgal........life is complicated enough and our time is too precious to waste on disingenuous individuals with an ulterior motive and potential to cause harm.  Very good point made Lizzie.....

495284 tn?1333897642
by dominosarah, Jun 23, 2011
Thanks for the reminder on this Lizzy........

Avatar universal
by Womanontop, Jun 23, 2011
Too funny  joggen.. Yes a member of Congress! One in the news lately too! LOL

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 23, 2011
I agree with Womanontop I have been on MH a few years and I have not seen any of this ..I have seen good friends but nothing as you are describing..we do get trolls we have one out today but I think most women here are discerning as are the men that come on MH in fact we could do with a few more good men ..its mostly gals on MH

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 23, 2011
Just to let the men here know a lot of us like your friendship, and I see no harm in PM's ...

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 23, 2011
but no phone calls ..

186166 tn?1385262982
by LIZZIE LOU, Jun 23, 2011
margypops
trolls are trolls...every forum has them...entirely different situation than what i'm describing.  i'm not putting down friendships that are made here...i've made some great friends here at medhelp and yes some of them are men...but this is not about "friendships"

womanontop
if someone sees through this person, is just entertained, and this is their cup of tea...then they dont need to heed the warning, now do they?  not everyone is like that...

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 23, 2011
Well I may be naive but I don't think we have enough men on MH ...whats the harm in a man member being friendly with several of us ..I think its great ..maybe I am missing something here , I have a couple of male friends on Mh maybe more, and I know they are friends with others ..in fact go to my' Story telling group 'there are about 3 on there, all been around a long time ..nice folks ..I dont really get your point ..

186166 tn?1385262982
by LIZZIE LOU, Jun 23, 2011
margypops

exactly...you ARE missing my point.  maybe you could go back and re-read my original entry.  you seem to be focusing on friendships made with some of the men on the forums...and i never mentioned anything of the sort in my entry.





535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 23, 2011
I have just been and taken another look and it still sounds as I thought.... anyway I find its great to have them offering words of comfort some of us could use it ...The ones that get involved I agree are being a little foolish , but its their lives .

Avatar universal
by 10356, Jun 23, 2011
Thank you Lizzie This can also be applied to Women as I have seen it happen.. keep personal info personal. we really do not know who is on the other-side of the keyboard.. lesa

1235186 tn?1549261219
by atthebeach, Jun 23, 2011
it definitely happens exactly as described.goes from forum,much of it can be seen in the way they answer the posts then  to notes, to pm's, then they usually just disappear. i have sent a few pm's to a few different people 2 women and 1 man (20 yr. old) to be careful. then i get back oh they really love me, they are so nice,one young woman in her 20's told me i am happily married, but he(her new friend from MH)  treats me so well. she and i pm'ed for awhile then she stopped responded. i pray she heeded my advice.
thanks i am glad others are also watching out for this.
debbie

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Jun 23, 2011
Margy it's not about men being friendly it's about the ones who are trying to find a victim...it's completely different.

I have no problem having male friends on MH but I make it pretty clear in my actions that I treat the women and the men the same so no one will get the idea that I"m interested. My husband and I may have issues, but nothing that would make me stray, even online.

I think 3 people have my personal contact info, (including you Amanda, lol) and a few more have my facebook....but even my facebook doesn't list my address or phone #, I'm super paranoid.

It's a great warning Lizzie, we WANT to trust people but the reality of it on the internet is that we must always be on guard. It's fine to have male friends...fine to have female friends...but be smart.

Avatar universal
by mamaofonetrying42, Jun 23, 2011
I have been here for 4years now and have heard from another about a Men on here, doing things, I dont even want to say. And a  "friend" On here, that I thought, we were friends...turns out she's one of the Liers....Its sad, but really you dont know if anyone is telling the truth....

1194973 tn?1385507504
by Clysta, Jun 23, 2011
I agree, great warning. There are also some guys who are more...sneaky about it. I had a male message me once about a pregnancy question for his "girlfriend". During the questions he sent though, he asked some very personal questions, and then finally came out and said that the whole thing was a lie and he was trying to get with me.


296076 tn?1371338074
by melimeli, Jun 23, 2011
I agree totally with the personal info.  I am amazed to see how many give out their facebook to everyone.  That has pics of your family your day to day comings and goings.  it seems absurd to me.  I stay on the pg page generally and all of my friendships are there.  Have been here for 4 years and only 1 has my number :)  anyway guess I am just more cautious.  

60890 tn?1366361719
by snagglepuss1, Jun 23, 2011
8 years i've been on this site and there was an incident a few years ago now with a woman who said she was expecting a quints pregnancy as I recall and was found out to be a compulsive liar, she played a lot of decent women on this site and it made people wary for a long time. have never seen a male pretending to be a female on here though to worm their way in to someones life...scary really!

1121273 tn?1325371575
by k10road, Jun 23, 2011
funny, the 2 total freak compulsive liars I have seen on here were both women...lol

Avatar universal
by teko, Jun 23, 2011
Thanks for the heads up. I have not personally had any issues but when one spots something going on, it is great to think someone will care enuff to put the word out. Some people on here are very very vulnerable and is why they are here. Easy targets for predators. Thanks again.

707563 tn?1553635552
by Emily_MHManager, Jun 23, 2011
This is a great reminder for all of us.  We work hard to keep MedHelp safe, but it is still the internet, and still public.

Let's keep the personal experiences out of this, though.  I'm sure most of us have stories, but let's be careful to not insult other members.  We know that both men and women can prey on others, and we know that men and women can be victims of this.  

There are wonderful people here, and it's great when relationships of any kind are formed, but caution is always a good idea.

Emily

1041303 tn?1421390941
by frank_noahsmommy, Jun 23, 2011
I agree with K10road, I would not even friend Men on here. But the only 2 liars I have ever met on here were Women!

Avatar universal
by mammo, Jun 23, 2011
I think this is a wonderful reminder for all of us. Men will look anywhere for vulnerable women and prey on their emotions, or even play "the poor me" routine to get you concerned and a posting can turn into a PM and so on.  We all have to be careful.  I don't have an issue with men being on here and welcome them, but I do agree that we have to be smart about it.  MH is an enjoyable, informative forum and friendships are formed, just be careful.

1667119 tn?1308868241
by adashofblessings, Jun 23, 2011
Thanks for the info, noted and understood

Avatar universal
by iwillwin91, Jun 23, 2011
LOL sorry this is funny but sad at the same time.

whats his username? or is that even realvant? he could come back as someone else...

Avatar universal
by aheart, Jun 23, 2011
Lizzie Lou, Thank you for the excellent advice and warning. Obviously it really needed to be said! Besides this isn't called love connection it's Med Help?? But whether its love connection or MedHelp user beware for your own safety always.

1621133 tn?1310049641
by juandos1980, Jun 23, 2011
yeah... ms. lizzie.....who might be our lover boy?....lol

Avatar universal
by Weffette, Jun 23, 2011
Perhaps we could start up a forum for reporting these preditors.  
I find it ironic that the only liars are women...they must be lonesome...desperate...or sick.

Hmmm what could we name it?  

Peeps to Perps
Loose Anvils
Project Tell-All
Pants on Fire

Caution should ALWAYS be used...on ALL social networks and websites.  I joined one a month or so ago...at first...wow great I love it...then the men started acting like arrogant, self righteous, sarcastic jerks...cutting people down and being plain mean to other members. And 1 of those men is one of the MODERATORS to the website! Complain I have...still there.


Avatar universal
by Vance2335, Jun 24, 2011
I don't think Lizzie wrote this to specifically out anyone, but just a warning for people to be safe and smart.

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 24, 2011
weffette  As I posted I have been with MH for some 3 years I have not found any predators I have found most men here helpful and kind , it could be different forums of course we do get the strange posts .I expect most web sites do ..this seems to have turned into a witch hunt ..you have always been able to report anyone who is bothering you .so why would you need a forum for that .. .

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 24, 2011
PS you can always block anyone who pm's you that you feel are abusive..

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 24, 2011
PSS sorry meant to add... set your profile to 'friends only"

535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Jun 24, 2011
One last thought, is  it be possible you are going on forums that do encourage this kind of men.the sex health ones that .would  be forums of sexual content..we all the know of the ones I mean .perhaps ,just a thought  .dont want to be harassed stay off them .sorry to hog your journal ....

Avatar universal
by Teak, Jun 24, 2011
Yes,you are hogging a journal that you don't seen to understand the topic.

707563 tn?1553635552
by Emily_MHManager, Jun 24, 2011
Let's not name any names, please.  This is a general warning to be cautious, and we'll leave it at that.  Just like Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, dating sites, other medical websites, political sites, etc., etc., etc., and "real life", there will always be people who seem to prey on others.  

This has nothing to do with the topic of the forums, as it can happen to those vulnerable from depression, grief, an illness, a broken relationship.  Sometimes, it's just someone who is very trusting, and not really vulnerable otherwise. Thankfully, most members of MH are good, kind, thoughtful and generous people who aren't out to hurt anyone else, but it can happen.

Just be careful, that's all.

Emily

Avatar universal
by Sam20111966, Jun 24, 2011
Great message I came to this site for support only....Awesome work is all I can say.  I made it thru the week due to the members and support.  A lot of good info always butt heads to spoil things male and female....God has put a lot of great people here....Thank you for that really really...

1556337 tn?1341712211
by Matthew1986, Jul 02, 2011
A very real situation and something to be aware of whichever gender you are. This also crosses not just with med help, but with any social networking site that involves personal information and display images. A user can spice up their profile, have the most glittery wall of friends and information layouts...but behind it all,could be the most deviant liar and guilt tripper you've ever come across....that is however an example, and an example that does exist. I speak from my experience, I'm a pan sexual man (pan sexual is something that is around lol just Google it :D) and i've been messaged and approached online by men that offer the most sincere words that sound genuine, mean something and lift yer mood.....but I've found out that what i've been talking to is nothing like what they are on the net, and there has been a time where i encountered one that wanted nothing more but self pleasure and got me in that situation by lying that he cared.

There isnt a way to properly govern or regulate this kind of thing all over, but what does work is sensible outlooks and common sense, if you see a contact you think is playing you for dumb, ditch em!, it isn't bad to push the mute or delete button if someone on the other end is a potential numpty...numpty being a more politer insult :)

A good subject that people should always bare in mind :), and i can say this...my experience on medhelp so far?, BRILLIANT! :D


Avatar universal
by zulkefli, Sep 13, 2011
May GOD bless us all..

Avatar universal
by bikknichol, Apr 30, 2013
Why would you want to use this as a dating site? Crazy

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