Feeling overwhelmed again.  Keeping my options open.

Well, I think I might be back to looking for a new job.  Or maybe a second job.  After months of talking to my boss about the situation with Lexi hoping that she would face reality and either work with me or be honest and tell me to find another job...finally I received some kind of concrete answer from her yesterday.

I work in a 3 person agency that is owned by an insurance company.  Technically I work for the company.  Either way, the total # of employees is less than 50.

Basically, what I was told is that since there are less than 50 employees, they do not participate in the NJFLA or the FMLA.  So, then I was "offered" to use my PTO time for the times I would need to be away for Lexi's therapy or work part time or work adjusted hours.  While this all sounds good, if you think it out logistically, it isn't that great of an offer.  

Let's break it down.  I work an hour away.  So...best case scenario Lexi gets a 9 a.m. therapy time.  Her therapy is over by 10 a.m. and I can be in work by 11 a.m.  (My usual start time is 7:45 a.m.).  If I don't get in until 11 a.m., I would need to work until 7:45 p.m. in order to work a full day (with 45 minutes for dinner break).  Again, sounds ok until you break it down further.  I work in a VERY VERY bad CITY.  I shared my concerns of leaving at such a later hour, by myself, especially in winter time when it is dark.  I received a response of:  "yeah, but it's dark at 5 when we leave here in the winter".  I responded that I understand that, however at 5 in the winter, I am not leaving here alone.  That makes a big difference in a city with a lot of crime, drugs and shootings.  Plus, with Lexi needing therapy 3 days a week...UGH, I just don't know.  Even if I could work those hours, getting home at 9 p.m. just isn't fair to my kids and family.  They would both be in bed and would never see me.

Plus, remember, this above scenario is based on a best case scenario.  What do I do if Lexi gets, say, a 12 o'clock appointment time.  Then what?????

I could consider the "part-time" (32 hours a week).  I would need to keep 32 hours in order to keep my benefits but then I would have to find a 2nd job to make up the hours and money I am missing by being part time.

After discussing these options a little, I asked about working part of my hours from home.  I've done it in the past at my previous job.  I was told this wasn't an option as there is no way to monitor my work.  But isn't the same true if I were to stay late and no one was here?  I understand the reservation in letting me do so but I was hoping it would be more of a discussion and I was hoping my boss would go to bat for me in order to keep me as an employee.  She has 3 youngs boys and her sister has a daughter with autism.  I thought there would have been a little more understanding of my situation.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I understand that as a boss, she is just doing her job and that I cannot expect that they will or should work with me on any of this.  I just feel though, that if you want to keep a good quality employee (knowing you have a hard time finding employees) that they would be a little more flexible.  I took this job because they were supposedly a family environment and were flexible.  I also understand that in trying to find a new job, I will have a hard time finding flexibility.  But, if someone finds my skills and my work ethic worth it, then it should be mutually beneficial and not seem like its an imposition.

I also understand that Lexi hasn't started therapy yet and the outsiders in my life view that I shouldn't have to be there for every session.  Our sitter/nanny/best friend should be the one to take care of it all.  For those, I say, if it were your child wouldn't you want to be there for as many sessions as you can?  Part of her sessions will be about teaching us techniques to use with her as well as some will be interactive with Rory, Lexi and us parents.  There will also be sessions where Rory will be asked to leave for a while, especially in the beginning so that Lexi can acclimate to her therapists.  I'm not sure what to expect from her therapy and how much is reasonable to expect Dawn to take on.  I do understand that feasibly, I cannot be there for every single one but at the same time it isn't right or fair of me to ask Dawn to take it ALL on either.  It isn't fair to her, Rory or Lexi.  I am Lexi's mother and as her mother, I have a duty and a want to be there.

I would love to hear thoughts about what I should do.  What's reasonable to expect?  Has anyone out there been in this same position?  How do you work out therapies with your children?