Level ground

Hey everyone.  I've found myself on pretty level ground these last couple of days.  It was hard at first, but I've accepted the fact of things happening.  I still have some pretty hard days now and again when everything just comes flooding in -- but overall I'm doing okay.  I just look at my babies and I know that he's the one that screwed up/is screwing up and he's the one that is missing out on so much.  Although I'd rather that not be the case, it's how it is.  I feel like I kind of found myself again through this whole mess.  I'm just hoping that things go well from here on out.  I'm still at my parents for the time being.  Been working and just paying off all my bills and whatnot -- going to try to get a better car and save up some money so I can buy a house or land or something instead of wasting all my money renting.  I figure $500 a month for a year is $6,000 -- that instead of wasting I can save and put as a down payment or something on anything else.  We'll see how things go though.  It's still hard a little when I talk to him, but I left it in God's hands and asked him to please let Bryan make the decision that will be best for our family and for the babies and me.  I can't make him do something he doesn't want to do and I can't make him love me or want to be with me.  I've come to those terms in my own head and things are going along okay so far.  Please keep me and the babies in your thoughts and prayers as I'm sure that's why I've made it this far with this state of mind!!!  God bless you all and thank you so much for everything that you've done for me :)  I'll keep in touch!!!