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Recovery of ED . . . not possible :(

Aug 25, 2011 - 1 comments

You know I watch these videos were they say recovery is possible, but is it really? NO! 

I hate myself for letting myself get into this! Now that I'm into the ED there no ever getting out! D: I want to be free and happy from this, I'm so tired of crying and being a lone. I'm tired of no one knowing how I feel, of everyone just saying "well then just forget about it"

They have no idea how much that hurts. If I could just forget about this thing that has ruined my life, believe me I would of months ago! But I can't! :( 

I always here it's possible, but I think they're the lying. Or it just doesn't apply to me. I'll never be free of weight, it will forever and always take my joy away from me. It will forever and always take the real me away from me! :(

But no one sees it. They all think I'm better and past the struggle, but what they don't know is it's at it's worst and I would do anything to wake up tomorrow 40 pounds lighter! 

They have no idea that if they let me I would eat 36 calories a day! But they won't let me so I'm stuck in this pit of hate and I'll never be free. Because I never can really say that's it I know have what I want. 

The finish line is always moving and my too strong stubbornness for ED will never end! 

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1339332 tn?1329854366
by skydivediva, Aug 26, 2011
Dear Bran,

I hear you. Anorexia/eating disorders are so strong. It can seem like you can never recover. But more than 50% of anorexics DO recover. It's an ongoing process. It may be something you will have to deal with everyday for the rest of your life---BUT, with time & practice, you'll get stronger & more able to deal with it.

Are you in counseling? With a SPECIALIST who is EXPERT in treating eating disorders? You NEED to be. In fact, you likely need the help of a TEAM of specialists---therapists, dieticians and others who are expert at treating this condition. I know there may be obstacles to getting the therapy you need: a lack of money, a lack of expert therapists in your area, a lack of your parents/doctor/teachers/other adult contacts to recognize or admit how serious your eating disorder is, a lack on your part to admit you need the help or to accept it if its available, your fear to let go of anorexia---which has become such a big part of your life and your vision of yourself---because you don't know what will replace it. But you MUST get help in order to RECOVER and SURVIVE. PLEASE ask you Mum, Dad, Auntie-Mommie, pastor---any adult you are close with---to help you get into therapy WITH A SPECIALIST. Please don't put it off, Bran. More than 50% of anorexics/bulemics recover---but some don't and many of those who don't DIE. Please act NOW so you are one of the ones who recovers---not one of the ones who continues to suffer and lose their wonderful gifts & wonderful to ongoing suffering---or even dies. You CAN be happy. You CAN overcome this. You CAN live a wonderful life and share your wonderful gifts with the world---but you MUST get the help you need to do this.

You are right. Many people don't understand eating disorders and they can't understand why you can't "stop dieting" or "just eat." That's one reason you NEED to get connected with specialists in the field. They can help you connect with support groups: people who are facing the battles you are AND people who have felt the way you have, faced the struggles you are dealing with and OVERCOME them!! You MUST get PROFESSIONAL, SPECIALIZED help. You cannot do this alone. But in the meantime, see out an online support group. Here's one "anti-ana" (anti-anorexia, pro-recovery) website: http://anorexiarecovery.webs.com/apps/blog/ . There are others---"google" and find one that you can connect with. Maybe some will have recovered/recovering anorexics that you can chat with. Visit these anti-ana, pro-health/pro-recovery sites instead of watching "thinspro" videos or going to sites that encourage anorexia. There are books by people who have recovered from anorexia and other eating disorders. See if the library has any books by recovered/recovering anorexics/bulemics (Portia de Rossi and Tracey Gold are two celebrities who've written about their experiences, but there are books by people who were not celebrities---your librarian can help).

Here's a poem by a recovered anorexic named Kate Le Page, Bran. She talks about how she KNOWS that following the path of anorexia will kill her, yet she still feels compelled to follow it. I've also pasted some links after it to some songs & poems by other recovered anorexics as well as to some videos about people talking about their recoveries from eating disorders. You are NOT alone. There are people who have felt how you felt, struggled with the challenges you're struggling with & overcome their eating disorders. Get the therapy you need to connect with people who've succeed in overcoming eating disorders and become one of those success stories.

Agitation...

Can’t sit still,
Need to be re-active,
Got to stay on my feet,
Calories unconsumed left to cheat,
New thoughts swirling - left to greet,
Why can’t I just let go of the will
That path results in a dying girl,
perched on a middle court sill.

Trust the program all logic cries so clear,
Trust ME Kate, I’ll always be here,
Screams a familiar voice lurking in my ear

You LIE all the time about your games
If I listened to you I’d wind up insane,
Drown out your poisonous voice,
I’ll stand firm ignoring the noxious noise.

Hope for Tomorrow

The darkest night brings new light,
A world without anorexia, depressive fear,
New day is coming so don’t quit your fight,
It’s been a long hard struggle year after year,
Believing the dawn soon is to appear.

You can feel the warmth of many who care despite the fog threatening isolation,
Everyone says call or write but you don’t,
A self-willed cry of can’t or won’t,
It’s you that it hurts as tears begin to fall,
We forget there are others left outside.

My decision to hold on to a future and some hope,
The day is not the end just one to learn from,
So next time you fall to the end of the rope,
Remember how much easier life is without the ana-con.

http://www.myspace.com/jennischaefer/music/playlists/my-playlist-15621
http://www.wisegeek.com/videos/287351480.htm
http://www.wisegeek.com/videos/287351480.htm
http://www.wisegeek.com/videos/287351480.htm
http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/Celebrities_with_Eating_Disorders_-_List_and_Pics
http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/EDSongs

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