Aug 26, 2011
Another weekend approaches. This should be a time when a 25 year old man looks forward to going out and having fun with friends. This should be when a 25 year old man looks forward to meeting a girl. This should be a lot of things but, it won't be anything like that. It'll be a lonely time. A time wasted. As my little sister moves to California and continues with her adventure of a life I stay here. Friends fading away along with hope and desire to keep going. Lost in a Hell that I've created for myself and I have no one to blame but, myself. I want to say goodbye to this life but, I just don't know how. Summer turns to fall and another birthday comes around and I have nothing to show for it. I feel like the battle may be coming to an end. The thought of giving up seems to sound logical. In all reality, some one with the mental problems that I have shouldn't have got to experience the things that I have anyway so, I might have been on borrowed time. The words of kindness that others have offered seem to have lost all meaning. I'm at the point where I hate my job so much that I can barely make it in anymore. I can't really look at myself in the mirror anymore. So many in this world are able to rise above so much more adversity and become productive members of society. So many prove time and time again that no matter where you come from or what life throws at you, if you work hard and never give up, you'll find happiness. Why should I wast their air? I miss Jess. I miss Kieth. I miss Joyce. These are the people that are ALWAYS in my thoughts but, no longer in my life. These are the people that are so different from each other and yet they seem to share one thing. They were the people that I cared for the most. These were the people that cared for me. These are the people that I want to say goodbye to.