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Aug 28, 2011 - 0 comments


Got into an argument with my girl friend, and I finally realized I start arguments with out knowing why. Today I finally figured out why, every day I have intrusive thoughts and constant frustration, or anxiety and nervousness. I try to push my girlfriend away so I dont take it out on her, but that doesnt help. Or I will just plain take it out on her, and I realized I have been doing this because I love her so much from all her support over the years of helping me that I want her dreams to come true, a family, another kid, marriage etc. Well I realized today I am just holding her back and that relationships dont really work for me, I am either fine or need support, and that unstable balance always leaves her catering to me. She cant understand, hell no one can understand what its like every day being tortured by your own mind and emotions. I feel that I push her away or fight with her so that she can leave me and move on so she can fulfill her goals, because I just hold her back..... sigh hate this brain of mine. I just wanted to scream earlier and break something to reflect my agony upon. SCREAMMMMM to the world how I hate the way I treat people I love because I dont want to hurt them when thats all I end up doing.

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