All Journal Entries Journals

Update on me

Sep 01, 2011 - 7 comments

I have not been on here much, but pray for each and every one of you. I do check on everyone's status here and there to see who is pg, and so on. I am surprised to see all the new pregnancies. CONGRATS to you all.
I have not been focusing on ttc , but have had 2 chemicals back to back. I have been having a hard time with this all. I think it's because of 2 reasons 1) my youngest just started prek and has become so independent, and 2) I am approaching my 32 bday and I know the older you get the harder it is to have a "normal" healthy pregnancy. There are days when I just start crying out of no where, days when I don't want to get out of bed. I am soo jealous of friends and family who are pregnant or just had babies I feel angry towards some, especially the ones who are not in a stable relationship or a stable environment. I feel emarassed that i fell this way, but I catch myself cussing under my breath to these people..< I can't believe I just admitted it. WHich makes it worse Is the little bit of family or friends who don't know what we have been through have been asking us when we are gonna have number 3. I don't just want to blurt out "we HAVE been trying for almost 3 years now and um 8 miscarriages and 6 chemicals" I look at those numbers and think WOW i can't believe you are still trying, but when I think about when my 2 boys were babies I can;t help but think I am doing it, andI am doing it till I get it done!!!!! I don't care about the lack of sleep and all that goes with the joys of a newborn, I loved waking up in the middle of the night to feed my sons. That was total bonding time. I don't want to have to go on medication, although the DH thinks maybe I nee to go to talk to someone about all this. We are not rich, we struggle here and there just like most, and right now we don't have insurance so I cant go to a Dr. My Hubbys company doesn't have open enrollment until late Oct.
I guess I  just needed to vent, you Ladies are seriously the only onew who I can talk to about this, no one cares to hear my m/c story. And thats sad because I have a sister and we used to be so close, but the last 5 yrs all she cares about is the different men in her life!!!! I just keep praying that it will happen soon becaus thats all I have left :(


Comments
Post a Comment
1351078 tn?1416313146
by retta483, Sep 01, 2011
im so sorry hun i feel the same way about some people  not that they r pregnant  but the insensitive things they say like my sil she is 9 weeks preg and she said i got pregant one shot with one ovary then i started feeling defective :( im 36 so my clock is ticking away . I do have kids and for that im blessed and greatful how ever scence i lost my 7th in april and my due date fast aproching it is making me so sad crying sad i broke down in target the other day looking at all the cute halloween clothes . everyone in my family doesent treat my m/c as a baby and it was i was 12 weeks and it had a hb just a week before . hang in there Michelle maybe god will bless u with twins you never know . before my last baby i never temped or opk nothing i just bd alot and got pregnant some took years some months . good luck praying for you xx

334926 tn?1436811523
by butterflybabies, Sep 01, 2011
It's so hard I can relate. I will be 37 in Dec. Holy cow I just really realized it. I know all we can do is cry, cuss, scream and have a pity party when we need to. There is nothing wrong with that. I am sad for you and all of us who have this wish to become mommys . I will never understand why those so undeserving get this blessing and people like us suffer. Most everyone I know has kids and almost most have never gone through what we have so I know what you mean. It's like they listen but don't quiet get it. Try to be strong I know its hard. I honestly don't know where my strength to get up everyday comes from. I always keep you in my prayers and have to believe it will happen. You can message me on fb anytime you need to talk, I'm always here for you!! Sending you tons of love and hugs!

1083673 tn?1388888638
by Tiffiepooh, Sep 01, 2011
Im sorry your hurting so bad hun. I have wondered where you have been. I am sorry that you feel so badly and your family isnt exactly being considerate about how you feel after all that you have went through. I am praying for you and have been since I talked to you last. Hope that other than feeling hurt and wishing for another little blessing that you and your family are doing well. Message me any time on here or you can find me on FB and message me if you want to talk. All I can say is I am praying for you and when you get ready to try again or if you might be pg now I am praying for you that you have a sticky little bean that gives you the little blessing that you are hoping for. Let me know if you want to talk.

60890 tn?1366358119
by snagglepuss1, Sep 02, 2011
I take it after the amount of loss you have been through the doctors have investigated as to why you keep losing your babies? Jeez, I lost 3 and found it really tough to keep going and try for a 4th time, which thankfully resulted in my dd, but how you keep going after 14 losses, that is some strength lady! But I totally know what you mean about not wanting to give up until you have that longed for baby.
Something which far too many women who can pop them out at will take for granted, especially when you see how some of the kids are dragged up, I say dragged up rather than brought up.
And people who have never lost a much wanted baby don't know what to say to someone who has lost a lot of the time, so it's easier to say nothing and brush it aside, I know life goes on when you lose a baby but some people seem to think, well she looks happy now so she must be ok.
I never though about age with my other 3 children, but this time round it did concern me a little more, I am 30 now, but it definitely had more of an impact on how I felt things might be a little riskier than before, possibly because I am having my 4th child too and feel I might be pushing my luck to expect everything to be ok and baby to be healthy (just my way of thinking) My dh is 42 which also worried me a little even though a mans age is never really factored into pregnancies.
I really do hope you get and keep that much wanted for pregnancy soon and am thinking of you and sending lots of sticky baby dust your way!

801413 tn?1333539276
by WifeofAnt, Sep 02, 2011
I wish I could lend you my fertility.  :(  With the PCOS its not perfect but it works.  We could solve two problems with one swing.  You could finally get your miracle baby and I could stop looking for better ways to TTA.

Lets see if this works.

~~~~LENDING FERTILITY FOR THE REMAINDER OF 2011 AND 2012~~~~

You should be okay by then, right?  I think I'll repeat the meditation every night until your baby gets here just to be sure.

715068 tn?1392933532
by queenspade, Sep 05, 2011
Michelle, You know I can relate to everything you're saying.  I have become very bitter & angry when I see 'certain' people who are pregnant or have babies.  I went to my son's first football game, he's a senior, there was a girl there....not only did she have a baby, SHE HAD TWINS!!!!  She was maybe 16.  It shouldn't have upset me as much as it did.  

719902 tn?1334165183
by jenkaye21, Sep 05, 2011
Aw, sweetie, my heart breaks for you.  I do understand how you feel. :(  Besides my healthy kids, I have had 3 m/c, but 8?  I can hardly imagine.  Each one gets harder and you imagine the worst: that you will Never get pregnant.  I, too, starting wondering if my age was a factor (i'm 32, too), and it did take longer than ever but now I am finally pregnant with my much-wanted baby.  Keep your hope and believe that it will happen to you!!  BTW It is perfectly understandable to be upset with others who are pregnant; we are human!  You know you can count on us medhelp ladies to understand. :)  Praying that God will bless you with the healthy little one you long for. (((hugs)))

Post a Comment