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Another negative outcome

Sep 08, 2011 - 5 comments

"BIG SIGH". Well, this cycle is a failure. No i have not gotten a beta yet but after 3 years of trying to get pregnant. i know when i'm pregnant and when i'm not and I can assure you, i am NOT. i took a FRER this morning and it was BFN. I'm not even sad anymore, i'm just angry. I'm angry at everything. I've prayed and prayed. Prayed so hard and nothing. At what point should i start to think that the higher power is telling me to eff off? OR better yet, should i pray NOT to get pregnant and maybe that will work since it seems to work for everyone around me.  My cleaning lady just told me she got pregnant on birth control! Actually it was an IUD. My cousin didn't want another baby after she had her daughter and SHE Definitely didn't want twins. Guess, what - pregnant with identical twin girls. AND she said she only wanted girls... she got what she wanted, didn't she?

i don't know what to do anymore. 18 months of trying on our own. 18 month of ART. 3 surgeries, 4 drs, Acupuncture, Immune treatments, dealing with ashermans and still no baby . What do i do? Do I do another Fresh cycle? another $17K +. which would put us in the over $60K range for trying to have a 2nd baby with no guarantee. At what point do you throw in the towel and say it wasn't meant to be? i have put my life on hold for SO long. I'm tired. I want another life. one that doesn't include infertility and all it's heartaches.

i'm grateful for my son, i really am. i just want him to know what it feels like to have a sibling.

Comments
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1386655 tn?1452097056
by journey2motherhood, Sep 08, 2011
You know what, I feel you, I understand completely.  Your post brought tears to my eyes because I just so can relate.  I'm honestly at a point where I don't know what to tell myself anymore, let alone all you wonderful ladies.  All I can say right now is Hang in there.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. Joann

1417531 tn?1365597725
by Hopeful4aBlessing, Sep 08, 2011
I've been there- wishing youa healthy heart mind and body....

1366197 tn?1394587311
by JoJo629, Sep 08, 2011
just reading this is heartbreaking, i cant imagine living it.  im so sorry.


982214 tn?1471454781
by krichar, Sep 10, 2011
I have been there before as well, we tried for a total of 9.5 years.... My only advice is as long as you can, keep trying. I know I didn't have to do as many cycles of ivf but I was working with the RE and fertility clinic for 5 years. Don't let it overwhelm you but if you truly don't feel complete keep going. Remember we are all here for you. I know how heartbreaking it is to also want a sibling for your son. That was all my son ever wanted was a brother or a sister. It was on his Christmas list since he was 4 and didn't understand why Santa couldn't bring one, he prayed everyday at school and couldn't figure out why God didn't answer his prayers, it was even his birthday wish every year. It broke my heart, he didn't care if he got a sister is a brother, h even asked me if we could go to the place where mommys take their kids they don't want anymore ( too many kids movies out there about kids in orphanages) but I told him those places don't exsist. The at was my driving force, my motivation to keep going. He didn't get one till he was 11 years old, but it happened :) you are still in my prayers and I am still here for you

1118302 tn?1422495161
by yoha919, Sep 10, 2011
look up mini ivf it's new and way less expensive hope this helps xoxo

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