Sep 08, 2011
"BIG SIGH". Well, this cycle is a failure. No i have not gotten a beta yet but after 3 years of trying to get pregnant. i know when i'm pregnant and when i'm not and I can assure you, i am NOT. i took a FRER this morning and it was BFN. I'm not even sad anymore, i'm just angry. I'm angry at everything. I've prayed and prayed. Prayed so hard and nothing. At what point should i start to think that the higher power is telling me to eff off? OR better yet, should i pray NOT to get pregnant and maybe that will work since it seems to work for everyone around me. My cleaning lady just told me she got pregnant on birth control! Actually it was an IUD. My cousin didn't want another baby after she had her daughter and SHE Definitely didn't want twins. Guess, what - pregnant with identical twin girls. AND she said she only wanted girls... she got what she wanted, didn't she?
i don't know what to do anymore. 18 months of trying on our own. 18 month of ART. 3 surgeries, 4 drs, Acupuncture, Immune treatments, dealing with ashermans and still no baby . What do i do? Do I do another Fresh cycle? another $17K +. which would put us in the over $60K range for trying to have a 2nd baby with no guarantee. At what point do you throw in the towel and say it wasn't meant to be? i have put my life on hold for SO long. I'm tired. I want another life. one that doesn't include infertility and all it's heartaches.
i'm grateful for my son, i really am. i just want him to know what it feels like to have a sibling.