All Journal Entries Journals

I sent a prayer up to you...

Oct 02, 2008 - 3 comments

So as I sat at the edge of my bed last night at the end of my day the same routine I grabbed the same thing I grabb every night the bottle of xanax to get me to go to sleep... I just had to start crying cause I just can not do this anymore Lord I prayed please help me it is like I have no control of my person my spirit wants to stop before it is to late... I wake up in the morning just praying that something changes ..It is raining right now as I sit here and start to pray hoping for a miracle and the will power to get up and start a new life without pills!! Lord just let me be me again not this broken down person my life is passing me by and I don't seem to remember any of the last 5 yrs that I did not have a pill in my body ...Everyday I wonder if today is going to be my last and then what am I going to tell the lord that I spent my life looking for the next pill to pop and feel like it is me when all along it was a quick way to get rid of my problems and feel numb... When I was younger my mother use to say that when it rained it was the lord crying ... I actually love the rain love the smell of it... If the lord is crying I am crying right along I think I will go outside now so noone can see my tears...

Post a Comment
326947 tn?1252591233
by Nana434, Oct 02, 2008
OH Honey !
maybe you just need to get on the right mood stabilizer along with something else to help you sleep,
PLZ stop being so hard on yourself. Depression is real and it hurt's.
Find a new doc, for me a social worker has helped the most.
Lot's of luck.

326947 tn?1252591233
by Nana434, Oct 02, 2008
I forgot the most important thing.
                         GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

491030 tn?1242424766
by RC184, Oct 03, 2008
"Hu" Mood Stabilizer I do not need another pill added to the ones I am taking that is what makes me sad in the first place ... I do not want to be taking any more pills. I take 2 and that their is enough to make me feel bad.... Thanks for the advice I am happy with my Dr she is helping me, I just do not like the waiting period. God Bless You Also...

Post a Comment