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Life going okay, not great

Oct 02, 2008 - 1 comments

Not been on here much and I miss it.  Over the weekend my internet was out and it felt funny - what to do with myself.  I am procrastinating badly on my couresework.  There is a large assignment due Sunday that I've had 4 weeks to work on.  And a smaller one due Saturday.  I'm planning to work on them Friday, Saturday and probably Sunday

.  The bonus of the online class is I can do the work when I'm able.  The negative is that I'm mostly unable until the last minute.  This summer a rehab counselor asked me what I thought was the most disabling thing about my BP and I see now that it is my depressive symptoms - lethargy, low motivation, sleeping too much, being emotionally exhausted from my normal life.
Well at least I still have a couple of days.

Work is great with the students, but my boss is being a little awful to me. Luckily, I'm not with her much during the day, but lately she's made me mad with one comment here, another there.  I promised myself I wouldn't let her ruin my job.  But each time something happens (usually she makes a crack), it does get me pretty upset.  Good thing is I'm starting to expect it.
But she rarely smiles with the kids, and I try to always be smiley.  Of course, I think my way is better.  I don't have nearly the dicipline problems she has with a couple of our kids.  My laid back style seems to work with them, and I like it.

But I think she resents this as she's made a couple of comments.  I've tried not to let the kids "split us up," but when she gets mad at me, the kids see it and they ask me, "what's wrong with Susan?" "Why is Susan mad?" Why did Susan do this/that???"
I don't think she realizes the way she yells at the kids all day makes them hesitate to talk to her, and defiant. And that the way I invite them to interact just makes the contrast more obvious.
But I'll say what.  I don't care this year.  I don't care if she's going to act so immaturely.  I'm just keeping my mouth shut right now and I don't respond at all when she talks to me badly.
It's be better if we were friends again, but it's not necessary to do my job.
Gosh that's a lot of blah, blah, blah about work.

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by bernie40, Oct 04, 2008
Hi Liz,

You are doing so well with your job and I think your attitude is definitely the right one - i can only assume your boss is an unhappy woman who is bringing her problems into work, so well done you that you are able to see work as a positive in your life.

You comment about what are the most disabling symptoms of BP and I agree with you 100% there.  I can feel my life slipping away almost and not actually achieving anything.  I try not to dwell too much or I shall be back in the abyss of depression but it is a bit like climbing a mountain, where occasionally I almost reach the top only to come tumbling back down again - I seem to be hanging on half way at the moment so I have to see that as a positive.

I have chosen not to do my online course this year, I don't think I can face another failure - I didn't manage to complete the one I started earlier in the year.  Like you it would all be last minute and if other stuff clashed with my last minute study then I was "done for".  I'm concentrating on getting myself well.

Well, I'm sooooo sorry, that wasn't meant to be all about me at all!!!!  I suppose I just want to let you know I relate.  

Take care.  Helen xxx

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