Sep 18, 2011
Had an irrational bout with anxiety tonight. My new assistant isn't so great with paperwork, and I found what seemed to be a large discrepancy in our bill of lading between his figures and that of the loading port. Turns out it was within limits, barely, but I was already gaming out how the hell I was going to explain this to the guys in our office before I even finished pulling out a calculator. In the end, we were OK, but I'm really not sleeping well when this guy handles a cargo load, and that's a brutal thing, as I need my wits about me. I'm not sure why lately I've been worrying so much about making a mistake out here- I've made several small uncharacteristic errors in the past few weeks, and my shipmates and friends have caught them. Lately it seems I'm doing a better job in being more exacting in my capacity as captain, so I should be worrying less about things, but rather with the new subordinate I'm getting resentful that I can't trust him enough so that I can sleep well, and I can't fire him AGAIN, as he's already been let go and sent back to me.