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an old lady's philosophy yes I am Roman Catholic

Oct 04, 2008 - 3 comments

Obedient loyal orthodox Catholics don't see a lot of gray areas, so forgive me or don't :-==)/ if my attitude is a bit polar but
I have reared two fine boys that have had their problems, and they are now fine young men who love God and their momma. I love my boys. I would do anything to still be able to rock them in my arms and play legos again and snuggle for nite nite stories. Life is too short- have fun with your kiddos.

When I was younger I could not imagine spanking my children- I didn't have to do it much - but I know the times I did were well thought out- I decided it was the approach to use at the time, and I followed my heart- and I never saw the behavior again that I punished them for....used sparingly and lovingly it is a wake up call- call it intimidation if you'd like. I respect authority and I got a few when I misbehaved.
I leave it to you to decide if you have to go that far- if it causes her emotional or physical harm, you are sinning. If you lose your temper and react in anger while you spank- you are being led to sin.....which of course is unacceptable.
Spankings should be few and far between- and a last resort and don't tell me you tried it and it didn't work- do NOT hurt the child but spank hard enough for them to feel it- do not leave a mark- that is abusive. If you are rational and unemotional when you administer corporal punishment you are doing it correctly- If you have a belt in your hand and are yelling- you have already "lost it" before you take one swing!

Have you tried to control things for a short time and are giving up because let's face it- we want things to happen- we like fast food- we love to be entertained PPV is awesome - I KNOW!- we love to have control whether or not we will admit it- we want our child to mind now!!!!!!! Well sometimes parents have to work HARD at changing a behavior and it will not come easily and it will not change instantly. by the way- your smarter children will not learn to behave right away- they will learn to react and manipulate right away- forcing you to try to control the situation even more so you change tactics- DUH- the child got what she wanted! and you get confused! "well I've tried and it didn't work so I tried this and it didn't work"- tell me you tried for 90 days and it didn't work and I will have sympathy for ya LOL

that being said- try something for 90 days and it doesn't work- fine- change tactics-That is a parent that is Proactive and not Reactive!

Try loving prompts first counsel- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"
next try thinking time- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"
Spankings- end it lovingly with "what did you learn?"

Have 2 rules- these are basically all society expects from us:

do not expect perfection and do not punish a child for accidents, mistakes, forgetfulness.
Deal with the hard stuff. Their brains will be "adult like" when they are adults!

when a child does not respect another's feelings:
this includes harming herself
bringing emotional or physical harm to another
If this behavior is worrisome to the point you have tried something consistently for a period, and it is bad enough to send you to these forums I beg you to get help and work with your health care professionals until everyone is satisfied. Please do not tell us in the forums you do not want to medicate or you took a break to let your child be medicine free for a bit without a dr's advice- if my child needed insulin and I decided to take a break from giving it, I would be a neglectful parent

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377012 tn?1283965435
by motherofan18month, Oct 24, 2008
I love your philosophy on spanking, i have tried many things with my son and have resorted to spanking, unfortunately the spanking never worked and i always found myself loving on him and giving him hugs and kisses and telling him i was sorry, but then i would tell him he couldn't do things like that anymore. i saw my sister-in-law spank her son for hitting her with a toy, and from the pain of being hit with the toy and the fact that it made her mad caused her to lose her cool and spank him a little to hard for my liking. i then vowed to never spank my son again. i occasionally smack his hand, but time out seems to be catching on for him. i am not a catholic, but i do have christian views!!

674735 tn?1226632241
by MrsT0714, Nov 13, 2008
Hi!  I am new to this website, and I gotta say I agree with everything I have seen you post. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I have not been practicing for years.  I have two young boys ages 7 & 8.  Both of my kids are in advanced classes in school (they are taken out for Math and Reading)  My oldest was diagnosed bi - polar and adhd...I admit I was a mother who DID not want to medicate my son AT ALL.  However, in desperation, I decided to try the medication, and the improvement was instant and monumentous.  The changes in his grades, peer & sibling relationships, and family life (not to mention the smile on his face) were and are still worth the negative stigma attached to medicating children.  I was wondering if you had any advice for me.  Lately, even though things are still MUCH better with my son, he has been EXTREMELY defiant and disrespectful.  He behaves fine at school, and is well liked.  However, the minute he walks in the door his attitude changes.  He wants desperately to go live with his Father. (I divorced him 6 yrs ago and remarried nearly 2 yrs ago) He has become obsessive about calling his Dad.  He is currently in therapy once a week, and his relationship with his step Father is way better than that of his natural Fathers.  I have punished him by taking away video games, tv time, outside time, snacks, and telephone usage.  I have also put soap in his mouth and spanked him.  I cannot seem to get this kid to comply with ANYthing.  It is a struggle to get him out of bed for school, and once he's up he argues, whines and complains about EVERYthing, from brushing his teeth to changing his clothes.   I'm wondering if perhaps I have been too hard on him and maybe I should lighten up a bit.  I try to spend as much time with him as possible, give LOTS of hugs and kisses, and positive reinforcement, but it doesn't seem enough.  He says he feels as if I don't do anything for him or love him.  He is also extremely jealous of his little brother....who he thinks gets away with murder....of course he doesn't, his brother just doesn't argue or back talk and does what he's told.  Please give me any advice you have for me.  I am willing to try anything to make my son a happy boy again.  It's painful to listen to him cry, and say he thinks I don't love him.  My husband thinks it's all attention seeking behavior and he's trying to get his own way. I think it's a  bit of both.....My youngest son keeps repeating that he wants just ONE night where his brother is not yelling.  I do too.  I don't want to give in to him,or go back on my word (punishments) However, I know he needs some tlc (and discipline) and I"m not sure where that fine line is......Thank you and God Bless.

Megan T

523555 tn?1236809529
by wowsimgirl, Mar 11, 2009
I really enjoyed your comment on my post.  I seriously do think there is something wrong and maybe just maybe the other comments were wrong.  I am finding it difficult to cope with my son's behaviour now and yes after every bone in my body told me not to do it I finally did it..... I lifted my hand and smacked my son and yes again it did not work.  I was brought up with respect and to obey coming from a Jehovahs Witness background were it was ok to take your kid out of the meeting and into the toilets to smack the child or chastise it.  To me when I was younger I thought this to be innappropriate and therefore resulted in not only hating on the deed that was donei.e. the smacking but also the religion too for its contradicitve behaviours.  I find myself not wanting to smack my children and have never ever found the need to smack my youngest who is 2 or my oldest who is 8.  Its my son and yes funnilly enough my other 2 are girls and seem to be on this planet and not somewhere else.  I try all sorts of methods.  I am currently working on taking away my sons food until he does as he is told.  This is working at the moment however I do not know how long it will work for.  He is currently in his room banging about because I told him today to go into his room to think about his bad behaviour at school. i.e his refusal to do anything and that he was not getting his dinner until he had done.  Is this too harsh?  I use the same method last night after refusing to do his one chore which was to put his own clothes away in his drawer.  And it worked he quickly put all his clothes away.  But I do not want to go as far as stopping his food altogether like my own mother did 20 years ago which made me sick the next morning.  She quickly learned from this as did I that starving a child too long will not work so this is as a last resort to starve him for an hour to see that if maybe his hungry belly will get him motivated to do as he is told.  I will let you know how long this works for.  We have tried the praise the extra tlc but it just not enough according to him.  I hope that if there is something going on in that little mind of his then it can be treated and if its needing medicated then please someone somewhere send me some miracle pill to make my son's behaviour normal.  I am at my wits end now and struggling to cope with simple housework tasks because I feel so drained with looking after him.  Will keep you posted but yes defo no to spanking it defo does not work.

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