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It doesn't get any worse than this....

Sep 28, 2011 - 9 comments

Ok - so my last FET was a miserable failure even after i did the immune treatments. When i talked to my RE about why she think it failed she didn't have any real answers except the usual.... probably chromosomally abnormal. If i decide to move forward with another IVF, she wouldn't do anything differently. THe protocol i was on resulted in 20 eggs, with 13 fertilized and 7 going to blast. she said that is amazing especially for my age. However, she still would not recommend genetic testing for me yet every conversation i have with her about why the IVFs have failed, she mentions probably bad chromosomes. It makes zero sense why i shouldn't do genetic testing.....  Anyway - i wanted to get a 2nd opinion and called the clinic to see the lead RE there. The nurse called me back and said the Dr reviewed my chart and decided he didn't have time to take me on as a new patient. SERIOUSLY???  Does my chart look that bad that he'd rather give up the $$$$ he might get from me doing IVF to just forgo me as a patient??? I get that a 40 yr old with failed IVFs, past uterine scarring and immune issues does not look attractive as a patient especially if you are looking to keep your clinic's success rates up but COME ON!!

What the heck do i do now, continue with my current RE who i really do like but don't understand why she doesn't think the genetic testing is useful and/or move on to another clinic?

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1417531 tn?1365597725
by Hopeful4aBlessing, Sep 28, 2011
I'm in the same boat as you. Sadly,  we are looking for answers from people who simply don't know the answers. I have been told that typically the chromosome testing isn't until several failed attempts and/or miscarriages, but if youre willing and asking about it, I would call the re at another time and ask why they dont want to go that route yet. I wish you all of the luck in this process. It's not a road for the weak...all my best to you!

1571146 tn?1399909692
by Moma_Cher, Sep 28, 2011
Seems to me that your current RE works for you... can't you tell her that you insist on genetic testing?? Also, I don't know where you live, but maybe you could check out the Colorado Center for Reproduction... it's supposed to be the BEST in the nation and I hear the excel where others have failed. You obviously have plenty of fertility left in you, so I would not give up!!!!! Please know how lucky you are to still produce so many awesome eggs!!!

Best of luck to you! Hugs!!

1129232 tn?1360800358
by kris71, Sep 28, 2011
Thanks for the replies. I would love to go the Colorado Clinic but it's just not feasible for us right now given i have a 4 yr odl i can not leave for whatever time i would have to be in Denver to do the stimming, retrieval etc etc. plus, i think they are pretty expensive.....

I just feel like that message i got from the nurse was a like a kick in the stomach after i've already been kicked so much, i can barely stand up - ya know?

1571146 tn?1399909692
by Moma_Cher, Sep 28, 2011
I can definitely relate to the gutted feeling... It's as there is some scale they use to measure how much effort they should put into our case based upon our age/factors and we are not privy to it. Do they not have a heart?! I'm actually feeling like my RE left me danglingng in the wind at the moment too.

I know that $$ is a huge factor for most of us, Just don't give up... Keep looking for someone in your area who will work with you and address your needs. Secondary infertility + advanced maternal age seems to be the magical combination for RE's to come down with idontgiveanF-itis... I feel your pain!

Sending you big hugs!

1169162 tn?1331232353
by nola0805, Sep 28, 2011
Unfortunately most RE's are in such a panic to have good stats - and they sometimes put that above helping people - this is very sad but I know an RE who does not do this and her business really suffers because the first thing prospective parents do is ask about success rates - so the caring RE's get punished. I do wish that this business could just be about helping good people become parents.  It is a hard enough journey as it is.  Sorry that you went through that.

I know that the genetic testing can help determine the healthy embryos, but I believe that it also lowers the success rate a bit - perhaps this is why your RE is hesitating a bit.  I would ask her.  I would also call around to a few other clinics - it can't hurt.

1427484 tn?1334789201
by CarlaLP, Oct 02, 2011
Hey Kris-

I understand how you feel but that being said screw the lead RE and just keep moving forward. I think they are hesitant to go to PGD because of the cost and sometimes the embies that are tested on don't make it. I have heard that PGD is mainly for couples with family history of major genetic disorders.. maybe the 'abnormailty' your RE is referring to is something she relates to age just because that is the only answer she has (wether or not it's right).

I have learned that drs only know so much.. look at my Charlie and his condition CAUSE UNKNOWN! The drs speculate but nobody knows for sure. Sadly sometimes you just have to accept that answer and move forward. I would try another round of IVF fresh and then if you need to consider a donor. You have put so much time and love into this- don't let some RE derail you from your path. Yes, you got a kick in the belly but you will bounce back.

In life you have to keep fighting.. especially in this game. Trust me I know you feel lost and angry. I feel that way everyday when I look at my beautiful boy and realize that he may die.. but I have to keep fighting for him and his brother just like you have to keep fighting for the baby that you WILL have and your son.

Hang in there sweetie :)

1002983 tn?1349822086
by Marietta2000, Oct 02, 2011
Oh Kris, I've overcome so many hurdles with my RE.  I hate the way we are treated, especially when we are suffering secondary infertility.  It's like, 'this isn't so hard on you, you're already a mum, give up and be thankful for the child/ren you have'.  I sought a second opinion about my immune problems, and finally got my first RE to try intralipid for me after he had initially told me point blank he wouldn't touch it.  The only reason he agreed to treat me with intralipid was due to the fact the second RE I saw was prepared to treat me!  I've also pushed him to give me saizen even when he said he didn't believe it makes any difference to egg quality.  You have so many excellent clinics over in the States, I would do all possible to make sure you get the care and testing you want done.  Have you asked your RE the reason why she won't do the PGD?  You would be paying for it I take it?  Surely it is your decision?  What I have never been sure on, is genetic testing the same as detecting chromosomal defects?  I'm not sure on that.  Can anyone enlighten me?   I'm sure I recall reading somewhere that PGD only found genetic disorders, but not chromosomal abnormalities.  About that second RE, I honestly can't believe it.  That is just disgusting, but I guess in the long run, it is a business to them and that is reflected so often in the way we are treated, or not treated!  

My heart goes out to you.  You're so like me,  desperately wanting to complete your family and wanting to find answers.  I wonder why it so often feels like the fertility clinics are the enemies, and every step we want to take seems to end up in a battle??  It shouldn't be this way.  If I were you, I would do all possible to get the best treatment.  I know you have your boy, but try to make arrangements if you can.  I totally empathise with you, I'm a single mum with a 3yr old and 5yr old and I know that responsibilies make it hard to be able to just drop things and seek out further clinics further away from home.  But if you find a great place willing to tackle your problems, then maybe you need to get some help and take the time.  The reward will be worth it!!!  

Keep me posted on everything.  

1129232 tn?1360800358
by kris71, Oct 02, 2011
thanks for the replies. Actually the genetic testing I'm talking about is CCS testing. It tests for all the chromosomes not just genetic diseases and it tests the embryos on day 5 vs day 3. It's a laser and it's a fairly new technology. It just really came about a year ago i believe. MY clinic just got the laser in and it's the only clinic is southern california that i know of that does the testing in house. I decided, if i do another fresh, i will just insist i want the testing and that is that. My RE should be ok with it, even tho her recommendation is against it. I just want ANSWERS. if the normal embryos are being transferred and still don't stick, then i know it's my body and an implantation issue and i need to move on and find either a surrogate or adopt. If all my blasts are tested and none are normal, then i have to realize that i probably need donor eggs. In my IVFs/FETS, i have transferred 10 blasts and it's just hard for me to believe, statistically, that all those blasts were not normal. Most 40 year olds that get tested-  out of 10-15 embryos tested on day 3, usually 3 or 4 or normal.

1968722 tn?1325796364
by Thecrums2011, Jan 04, 2012
Hey Chris you prob don't remember me , it's been a while lol...Christina . Fairfield Ohio.  We were finally blessed with a little girl. Dr H from Cincinnati Bethesda fertility clinic made our dream!  Mhv also used him.  Have you seen him? Or able to?  Also if a need a sitter if in the area let me know, I can come and watch him while your there.  Take care and stay positive

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