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some things are better left in the past!

Nov 01, 2011 - 7 comments

I had a friend in college, my sophomore year.  We were best friends- but I regret the whole friendship and our time together.  She was wild and I was a follower.   My grades suffered and I ended up sitting out of school, I was constantly in trouble with my sorority and ended up quitting it too.  I am not blaming her.  I out grew our friendship once I realized hanging out with her was a bad idea and what it cost me.

SO we lost touch.  This was fine with me.  About 8 years later she tracked me down- via my parents and asked me to be in her wedding- I was her maid of honor.  It was sad to me she had not made a better friend since our college days.  She was living in the small town she grew up in.  She was marrying a man whose wife had commited suicide the year before.  This was a small town scandal.  Honestly, she was telling me about the woman's suicide and it turns out I was sitting in the very car where she had done it.  WTH?  What really upset me was they had children- so those poor kids were having to ride around in the car where their mother killed herself.  It was sickening to me.

SO we lost touch again.  Again she tracks me down through my parents.  She is divorcing the guy and they have had a couple of kids.  She really needed a friend so I was there for her.  We are casually in touch and I go see her on occasion.  She seems to be drinking too much and seems to enjoy causing scandal in her little town.  I think being in the little town under a microscope is part of her problem.  She was working in the closest bigger town and I tried to encourage her to move.  Anyway, she ended up in a car accident and the other driver died.  She had alcohol in her system- but they did not store the blood correctly so I am not sure by how much.  They also found something in the other drivers system.  SAD.  I was supportive- but I really have wanted to distance myself from her.

OH, when ever she gets in touch with me she calls all hours of the night.  She has called and texted me She leaves a bunch of messages.  She cusses at me.  I really am not excited about calling her because I know she is going to b*tch at me for not being in touch.  If I do not call her- she will keep bugging my dad- who is a caregiver for my ill mother.  I just do not want to talk with her.  I just wish she would go away- I do not like the kind of drama she brings.  More than anything- I feel sorry for her but that is not a healthy friendship.

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by journey2motherhood, Nov 01, 2011
Oh I'm so sorry about that.  Is there anyway you can block her from calling  your dad and you?

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by globetrot, Nov 01, 2011
Not my Dad- I just need to talk to her and be honest.  I feel like I need to 'break up' with her- but I feel sorry for her.

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by journey2motherhood, Nov 01, 2011
Well I can understand that.  Just try to do in a gentle way.  I'm sure you will be able to do that.

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by Moma_Cher, Nov 01, 2011
Some people are just too toxic to allow in our lives. Sad but true.

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by echoecho9er, Nov 01, 2011
God I feel bad for those kids and never wonder there are so many kids that have troubled lives when they're raised in this environment. Its so maddening and sad, especially with so many of us ttc.

I think you just need to be totally honest and say I can't do this anymore. You have a life she is interfereing in it so very negatively and upsetting your dad who is too old to be dealing with this kind of crap. I have a friend who is the same (in a way but not as severe) but she's the same in how she calls me, offloads all her problems and I have to pick up the pieces FOR her, she's VERY emotionally unstable all the time, and she NEVER asks me EVER how I'm doing. She knows I have children, and a busy life with my own stuff on the go, knows about ttc and NEVER EVER asks me how I am or the kids or anything, just offloads her crap, asks for advice (which I'm willing to give up to a point of course) and then just has to go.  I now will ONLY take her calls when I feel like it, and if I have the energy. But if she were bothering my dad I would be stepping in and saying enough is enough.  I hope you find the strength to help yourself out of this relationship because you really don't need that!!

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by Shyladybaby27, Nov 02, 2011
I have a friend aswell who is just a plain b*tch she calls me to tell me all her problems knowing I am pregnant never ask me how I am doing. I decided that with her there is no point in talking to her about it I have just chosen to limit my intake of her. She has noticed that I don't answer her as much as I used to because she never stops calling my da0mn phone continuosly the old me would tell her off my husband said to leave her alone. She works nights so I turned my cell phone to silent @ night after I forward my house phone to it. Friends like these are necessary because they make you stronger but not ones you need to draw near to her just stop answering her calls all together if that does not work tell her how her behavior has/ had affected your life and how it continues to. By the way they are the hardest trouble get rid off because they believe that they are your best friend and has always been there for you

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by globetrot, Nov 02, 2011
I think what made me really want to ignore her is she mentioned she knew I was having twin girls and she said they would be just like she and I were!  Not if I can help it!!!!!!!!!   Part of her problem is, she is a twin- fraternal with a brother.  He has always been perfect so she got attention by being the 'bad' one.

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