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Day 1

Nov 11, 2011 - 2 comments

Today was not as bad as I thought it would be. I am just happy to have gotten through it. For ten years taking pills has been my life. I am so ready for this chapter to be over and I truly hope there is light at the end of the tunnell. I suppose the once I am able to remove this stuff from my life I am going to have address why I have always hated myself. Hating myself is why I started in the first place. People would look at me and tell me I was crazy for feeling the way that I do. They would kill to look like me and kill to have what I have. I dont get myself and why I tend to self destruct the way that I do. I want to be med free and to acutally put some effort into living a life actually worth living.

Right now I just get by and recently I have decided that is NOT enough.

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by Opiategurl, Nov 27, 2011
You sound like me. I hope you're doing well. I'm still struggling. All I know is I can't wait to look back on these days and think, how did I do it? Instead of being hear and wondering how I'm gonna do it.

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by AJS1976, Nov 27, 2011
Thanks for the comment because I was just writing in my journal that I wonder if others feel the same way that I do...  I wish I could have been a hero and quit subs cold turkey but after 11 days I totally freaked out and could not handle it anymore. I was so frigin sick with my poor mother standing over me at 34 years old...  Just disgusting....  Pills only came into my life because they made me outgoing and brought me out of my shell....  I could do anything when on opiates.... I had NO idea that they would completely rule my life and take everything from me...  It's not the opiates fault it's my fault and me hating myself....  Something is broken upstairs and I have no darn good reason for it. Everything that I do I do to the extreme no matter what it is. Like self destruction and like you I hope a few months from now or maybe even a year from now I can look back and have so exact same thoughts you did "How did I do it"...  

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