Nov 26, 2011
Sitting here looking at an empty page, wondering what to write. My head is foggy , running a low grade temp and feeling like the world is sitting on my shoulders. Some how I manage to fix chicken and noodles with all the fixins in my fog this afternoon, but I swear I cannot tell you how they tasted or if they were even good. My son ate two giant plates full so that might attest to say they were good, unless he was starving.
It has taken every ounce of energy to do little tasks today, and then I run out of breath and have to sit a spell before I can move again. I hate this. Riba Rage has been out of control today on a few counts, and had to gather myself together before I said something horrible. I had stuffing my emotions, I feel like I just need to go outside and scream and shout, but then I sure I would start coughing from this scratchy throat I have so its just a no win situation. Ive cried and pleaded with God, cussed the devil, and said I was sorry for my sins. I just hope He is listening. I hate feeling helpless & lonely in this battle. I know I have a whole family here on line who understands and that is when I am most happy. I just wish there was someway to make my family at home understand, or do they want to ??? I suppose they are sick of me being sick as well and hate seeing me like this. I am sure their emotions are going 90 to nothing too. Sometimes its good to hear it though instead of all that side ways anger that get passed off at each other. You know the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one talks about.