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Not working = homelessness in my world

Dec 09, 2011 - 4 comments

Still being a limbolander and awaiting the results of my LP I read alot of what others go thru .  Whatever is going on with me whether it is MS or not I can see how much my physical abilities have dropped over the past year or two.  And I can't help but wonder what will happen when I cannot work.  In my world no work  means homelessness.  I am alone and deal with this alone every day.  disability would never cover my mortgage let alone rent where I live.  I would lose everything I have worked so hard for,  my home which I have made a home, my self esteem, my pets which are like children to me - they are part of the reason I get up every day and I do mean every day and go to work.  I work 7 days a week to make ends meet - They depend on me for everything which is a good thing cause I may have given up long ago if not for those little faces.  So while I know the day will come when I can no longer work I just hope that it is far enough in the future because the alternative is just daunting.

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1763947 tn?1334055319
by mojogal, Dec 09, 2011
Hi, I haven't been on here in a long time but I saw what you wrote and I felt your pain. I am alone right now, I married someone who I thought was the love of my life, he dragged me to Texas, I hate it here, but he turned out to be  a crazy, cheating liar, who used me and then dumped me within a month of our sham of a marriage after he took all my money..  

Going through the divorce is awful, I have had to call the police twice, being ill on top of it, well sometimes I think I might be better off dead but then I think of the good things.I have two great girls,  I am lucky  that the man I should have married but didnt came back to me and we will be together soon, when he gets back to the US, meanwhile, I am alone, living with an abusive and crazy soon to be ex who I thought was the love of my life, but is far from it. He sleeps in the guest room. He has been through so many woman, lives with them, they dump him then he goes on to the next poor woman who thinks he is single and not married.

There is hope, I am not working, I went from being an executive assistant to CEO's of well known companies, to not being able to remember that my daughter called me this morning. I keep getting new problems every month or so, now its vasculitis and lupus, a mass on my liver and I can go on. My self esteem use to be connected to my job, my friends etc but that has changed. I think my self esteem now comes from being able to live with this illness, what ever it really is.
Yes,  It will be different for you if you can't work but I prayed a lot, went to counseling, did what ever I had to do to keep my sanity. My kids were still at home so when I lost my home I thought that is the end for me but it wasn't. You will  have to do a lot of emotional work but it will be worth it. I remember the last Christmas in my home, before I lost it, I had to call the food bank who brought me a turkey and a bunch of canned food, I was so embarrassed but I had no choice.
What I mean  to say to you is, you will not be homeless  you will definitely get social security disability. People always told me it takes a long time to get it but it was fast for me and hopefully for you too.The funny thing is they researched my medical records and realized I was sick years before so they sent me a check for $11,000 from back pay. That went into the bank. Then you apply for medicaid (I hated it too), food stamps and there are other things based on your state and if you own anything worth money.. So I hope that helped a little, it is scary but you are not alone, consider me a friend and an ear for you.

1760800 tn?1406753451
by Jacksmom516, Dec 12, 2011
Mogojal

Thank you so much for your encouraging words - I know that this is a stage I am going thru and will have to go thru them all till I get to acceptance -   I know I am not alone just feel like it sometimes ya know!

Hearing your story gives me such hope!  I know I am a strong woman like you and will get thru this but like you said it is scary!  

As I get ready for tomorrow to hear the Dr's words I try to be hopeful as to what she is going to say but something is so definitely wrong I know that it is going to be something just not sure what!  

I know that this illness whatever it is will not beat me - but sometimes it just scares me to no end and just when I get to be able to handle my limitations another one hits me.

It is Monday and another week has started - hopefully a good one for both of us!

Thank you again you have no idea how much I need your words this morning!

Tracy

1627868 tn?1333886342
by sarahw244, Dec 12, 2011
Try to hang in there.  I can only imagine how tough it must be to go through all this alone.  I am married and I still feel alone...My marriage has become miserable since this "illness" has set in.  I will admit, my husband puts up with a lot from me, but at the same time, he does nothing to help me or to make anything easier on me.  In fact, he makes more work for me.  A lot of times I feel like I'd rather be alone...

After reading this, it made me realize that I could never make it on my own and it makes me scared to think if I'd ever have to.  There is no way I could support myself and my 2 daughters.  Maybe when I'm done with school?  I've accured so much debt in the last few years, mostly due to medical bills and crappy insurance.

Anyhoo, you are a strong woman!  You do things that I can't imagine having to do, like working 2 jobs/7 days a week.  When you aren't feeling well on top of it.  That takes strength and drive and ambition!

I hear you on the limitations.  It seems just when you adjust to one, bam!  Another one.  I hope you have a good week!  good luck at the doctor tomorrow.  I hope something becomes of it!  You definately deserve it!
(((hugs)))
Sarah

1760800 tn?1406753451
by Jacksmom516, Dec 12, 2011
Sarah

Thank you for the words - they are a comfort, more than you could know.  It is here that people actually do get what I am dealing with since they are going thru the same things!  I try to keep positive but after reading posts about not working it got me thinking about what would happen when I could no longer do it and I got scared!  But I am sure that as this thing progresses there are going to be lots of things to scare me!

I'll keep you posted on tomorrow!

Thank you again for being there!

Tracy

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