Dec 11, 2011
I want to thank everyone for all their support. I am off almost 6 weeks of triple therapy and my smells and tastes are still horrible. The metal and stink is overwhelming. That's just the way It is. I can't wait to get on here and say it's all gone and I'm feeling better now. I want to prove the doc wrong that my side effects are irreversible. I am very scared that the Carolyn i once knew will never come back.
Oh well, I have another issue I don't know how to address. This is my journal, so I might as well just get it out.
My husband has taken very good care of me, is always there for me, loves me very much. That should be enough., right?
My husband drinks about 3 to 4 tall glasses of wine a night, every night. I am trying so hard to turn my life into a healing, clear, fun new world. He gets so politically angry. He sleeps through every movie or show. He would rather be in his office drinking alone. I'm the one with the problem. He has no problem. He will not admit it to save his life...literally.
I knew he drank too much wine at night when I met him, but that was his only strike against him. He does love me soooo much and I need to overlook this fault. I just want to get well with him well too. We are a team.
And I want to grow old together. At this rate, he's 8 years older...he won't get a physical, not since he was in the army. He's 58, still thinks he's invincible. I have to quit nagging him to stop drinking. He's perfectly happy to be drunk or tipsy !
He has tried to quit in the past...but now he doesn't even try, he just drinks in plastic cups in the office and hides them and hides his wine glass behind stuff on the counter while he cooks.
No one wants to hear, " Are you drunk?"
He has tried to quit, but it only lasts a couple of days and then he's just like walks around sad, like he's been beaten up and depressed. He's just a mess. Is there anything I can do at this point? Probably not. Should I let it bother me, heck no ! I have enough on my plate, especially now trying to recover from triple therapy.
I'm 51 and I don't want to loose him or trade him in for someone else with other baggage. He tries very hard, poor guy works two jobs so I can stay home and try to heal and he cooks and helps take care of my 83 yr. Old mother. I am so blessed. Perhaps I am a little envious of him opening a fine bottle of wine. We have so many, many things in common, I should just get over this one. We can make this work even if we don't drink together, right?
Let see, I think I'll try weighing the benefits of this out instead of just thinking of trying to change somebody...
My husband will always have a designated driver!
He can yell at India for me!
He can go on drunken cleaning sprees...yes he does like to clean when hes been drinking and that's good!
Let's see, he only drinks at night...that's good!
I can admit I'm an alcoholic...that's good!
He has a good life insurance policy...yuk.
He has discovered he likes to bake when he's drunk and he's very good at it!
He's a bit of a gormet chef when he's drinking, a little wine for him, a little wine in the sauce...he does make excellent Italian food.
He never gets angry with me, he just passes out mostly by 8:30 or 9:00 pm.
I really believe that the alcohol is my problem.
Its definitely only self abusive on his part, it's his liver...not mine.
He's never smoked or done drugs...and that's more than I can say for most, especially me!
So I believe I have tipped the scales in his favor, so that's really good too!
I just live in a fantasy land thinking we can all be silly and fun and crazy on our own accord. I do realize most people cant. I don't know anyone as goofy as i am, and i like me a lot...so thats good too!
I believe the stronger I get mentally from TX, I will get a better handle on life and stop trying to change things I can't.
Hey this journaling things pretty cool ! I think I just worked this one out with myself! YAY !!!!!
Alright, gonna go have some grape juice and rinse out the metal and jump in the hot tub and smell some chlorine! I
Nothing like a little relaxation and a little meditation to put cha on the right track!