Dec 18, 2011
I'm not feeling very connected with anything right now. I can't even muster up enough energy to be concerned over how the weekend has pretty much gone. I think I was okay for a while but I really can't remember.
I had to go grocery shopping with my brother yesterday morning; I know I did that and have half the groceries up from my car. I live on the third floor of my apartment building so its kind of a big deal to take a lot of groceries up. The cold stuff is in the freezer, so I guess that works.
I've had trouble telling what's real lately, not hallucinating but just don't feel exactly connected with anything. I've been cutting again but they've been superficial - something to kind of prove that I'm really here, you know? Only I got a different blade and its a lot sharper than my other one and when I cut yesterday morning it made this long four-inch gash. I had to txt a girl from work to see how I'd know if stitches were needed and since then I've had to at least pay attention to clean it and stuff.
Highlight of my weekend: I painted my fingernails purple!
I rarely paint my fingernails, although I really like to, and I have all these cool colors [two different shades of blue, a teal-green, purple] but the purple I found yesterday morning was darker and I really like it. I had to go to the dollar tree and get the right kind of bandages for my arm and it caught my eye and I was like - oh! cool! lol
I also started on another doctor who scarf, knitting this time, but its only about three inches wide because I don't want it big, and I've been mostly sleeping the past few days but then I get up for an hour or so and work on it a bit. And stare at the tele. whcih is stupid because I hardly watch the tele and the shows are on are just ... repulsive.