Okay, this has become a bad day. I discpvered last night that I missed a big assignment due last week. The teacher said doing it now was okay. I told her I would do it today.
Instead of starting it last night, I planned to ddo it today - early. But I didn't go to bed early - I just kept postponing it.
There is a portion of this that I'm actually scared to do because I think my work will be embarrassingly s****y.
So today I did get out of bed at a good time, but I sat down to watch TV for "a while." This turned into a long while and I became tired and slow like a sinking stone. I fought the feeling for a short while, but then gave in and went back to bed. (Of course, telling myself that I'd wake up refreshed).
Now I am up and the day is almost gone. And I am postponing this again by writing here.
I have always avoided things even though I've been in therapy forever trying to work on these feelings. I need to keep working on it. I have been going to bed after work every day for weeks now.
I think I have been avoiding the reality of my terribly dirty and messed up house. My depression has made it impossible to think creatively about this.
But yesterday I had good day and did some stuff and felt better.
But today I botched it all.
Maybe I'm too sensitive to to these things. I so want to be Normal. And I know that is a loaded word around here, but that's how I feel.