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I don't want to stop.

Jan 12, 2012 - 2 comments
Tags:

Anxiety

,

bulimia

,

proana

,

promia

,

Eating disorders

,

OCPD

,

introverted

,

binge and purge

,

starve

,

binge

,

anorexia



I starve myself until I binge, then I purge until I can't. It's the only feeling of control I have in my life. No one around me notices, because I'm not stick thin or sickly looking (yet. I want to be that thin. I need to be.)

I exercise for hours on end during the day, I only eat when I have to take supps or diet pills. I love the feeling of control. I need it.

When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with OCPD and social anxiety. The pills don't help. The only thing that makes me feel better is scrubbing my skin raw, or getting rid of the dirt inside of me.

I just want to find someone who feels the same way.

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Avatar universal
by AngelGirl0200, Jan 12, 2012
Hey, that sounds pretty bad. Are you okay?
Sometimes I feel like I want to do that too, but my friends and family convince me not to, and I am thankful to that :)
Have you talked to your friends about you feeling this way? I suggest you should. Even though I may not know you, your starting to worry me you  know! Hahaha...Are you still taking those pills? Why not put on lotion to make your skin smoother so it feels like there is NO dirt on your skin? Then you don't need to scrub your skin off. Trust me, I did it once...it wasn't pretty. I broke out in dry spots and had my skin peeling pretty badly...probably because i Have VERY dry skin...
Anyways!!!!!
Please take care of yourself, and DON'T BE SELF CONCIOUS!!!!!! Life your life to the fullest and have fin while your doing it :D Being anorexic is a pain, it's pretty hard to deal with. So it's important to have a healthy mental state. Please get better :) and don't lose too much weight, it can be dangerous. I didn't lose weight becaues I wanted to, my body just did it. And it led me to having multiple health issues...and TRUST ME. Those things aren't fun....it has a LOT of impact in my daily life.
Get better soon~!! :)

Avatar universal
by eatmeingo, Jan 12, 2012
Of course I am. The diet pills have energy stuff in them too, so I need it. As well as metabolism supps and acai berry flush and etc. I've talked to one of my friends and she's convinced me to at least try breakfast every day. I had an apple this morning and it was... okay. I had to cut it up really tiny and was almost late for work haha.

I haven't really lost weight with it, that's my plan now. I usually gain back what I starved off when I binge and purging only gets rid of 80% of what you ate. At least this site lets you record calories and things easily. It makes it a lot less stressful.

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