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Here we go again

Jan 14, 2012 - 21 comments

Wow life can be funny sometimes.

We tried for 3 years to have Marek.  Now that he is going to be a year old later this month, we decided that maybe we should start trying again since it  took us so long the first time.  Since Marek has been born, we have had sex twice... yes TWICE in the past year.  We bd'd once this past month at a time that I thought would be too early to result in a pregnancy (I think it was CD 8 or 9).  On a whim I picked up some HPTs at the dollar store, and guess what.... after years of trying for Marek and an IUI, we are pregnant on our own after our first try.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel - I think it's going to take a bit for me to adjust to the idea of having another baby.  I am so shocked - I'm sure once the shock wears off all will be well.  I just HATE the thought of having a baby growing in my body while I have mixed emotions... it's just not fair to the baby.  What if she can feel that mom is having a bit of trouble.  I'm also a little sad that i will be giving up my one on one time with Marek.  I just love him so much and he is such an amazing little boy.  I feel that he deserves more than I will be able to give him.  I'm not sure that I'm that great of a parent with one baby - not sure how I will handle two.

We have had such wonderful family support with Marek... our parents are over all the time to watch Marek. I'm also pretty scared that 2 little ones will be too much for them to handle and everyone will stay away - leaving me on my own while damian works out of town.

I know I am getting way ahead of myself here.... but when that second line appears on the hpt - the next 20 years of life flashes before your eyes and I'm hoping and praying that Im up for the challenge.

DH isnt thrilled right now.  The poor guy didnt get to have sex while I was pg with Marek because I was bleeding.  And since marek was born we have only had sex twice - the second time resulting in a pregnancy.  I guess

Life is so strange.

I remember one of the ladies on here got pg right away after having her first and was complaining about it.  I was SO mad at her... I thought "how dare she come on this forum and complain about being pregnant while I would give my right arm for a baby!"  For the record, I am not complaining - I am just scared, and shocked, and ok - really scared. (and sad for Marek, and sad for the loss of having him as my one and only because he is so darn sweet)

And that is my rant for the day.


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865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Jan 14, 2012
Plus - I'm old and tired.  That scares me too.

982214 tn?1471454781
by krichar, Jan 14, 2012
Oh G!! It will all work out in the end.... I know your scared and shocked but it doesn't mean you are going to love this baby or Marek any less. And grandparents are an amazing thing... They may come around twice as often :)

The world works in mysterious ways that is for sure. And even though you are having some doubts right now the fact you picked up some pregnancy tests means you were hoping one day soon. Maybe a little sooner then expected. And as for Marek... They will be best friends because they are so close. He will have a little playmate which may make those long stretches when dh is away a little easier.

I also know it too soon to start blowing trumpets and throwing confetti so I will secretly be happy (and a little jealous ;) just teasing) for you and here for you no matter what you need...
Kellie <3

1014822 tn?1338648073
by Kara_robbie, Jan 14, 2012
Congrats to you! I see nothing wrong with mixed feelings and expressing them. When I was pregnant with Ryann I knew I didn't want anymore, and even though it took us awhile to have her I knew I would end up pregnant again right after I had her so I got my tubes tied. Somedays I am sad that my "concieving" days are over but most of the time I am just excited to finish raising my boys and really start raising our baby girl. I am so happy for you, and I am sure you'll be fine raising two!! I do know about being old and tired (even if I am only 36), I started having children when I was 18 and I think that tends to add a few years...try to enjoy life and remember that we never know when it will be taken from us.

1427484 tn?1334789201
by CarlaLP, Jan 14, 2012

Pleas don't think me blunt.. but take the gift God has given you and run with it. My one son is dying and my other son has been in NJ with family for the past three weeks while we are at the hospital. I never got to enjoy ANY time with either of my kids. I'd have 100 babies if only they could be healthy.

865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Jan 14, 2012
Thank you, ladies.  All of these opinions are just what I needed to hear.

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jan 14, 2012
I completely understand how you feel.  We have been trying for our second and as usual, I get pregnant easily but can't seem to get to the finish line..sigh.  But you know, DH and I talk about this all the time.  Do we really want another?  And go back and forth.  I think it's normal.  We love our babes (or babies) but it is hard.  And then (for us anyway) comes the worry about finances, the fact that we are 43 and are a bit more tired then we would have been in our 20's..and so on and so on.  So personally, I feel your feelings are perfectly normal.  Plus, it's a bit of a surprise...given what you went through to have Marek, I'm sure it was a bit of a shock to find yourself pregnant so fast this time.  I would bet then in a very short time you will be super excited again and realize that you are completely up for the experience.  So I am going to say huge congrats to you and wish you a happy and healthy 9 months.  Besides, you make pretty  

961574 tn?1520648103
by mhv, Jan 14, 2012
Gi!   I know you are in shock, but yipppeeee!  I think you will come around rather quickly :). I will tell you what I tell my hubby....  It may be hard in the beginning, but, as they get older(and we get older) they will have each other to play with and to entertain each other :). Heavens answer to us "older" parents who may not have the energy to play for hours on end ;0) shoot, i"ve peen trying to get pregnant since the beginning of time, and I am still scared! haha!  it"s normal!!!  

I was watching a baby story the other day, and  there was a lady  that was voicing  the same concerns as you with sharing the love, and after her baby was born, she said.... it"s amazing how your quickly one's heart swells to accomidate, and how quickly you love them equally.  

hugs my friend!!!!!!!


1098165 tn?1340757237
by Melissa_71, Jan 14, 2012

im going to say congrats to  again!!! i know u wanted another baby and maybe the shock of getting preggo so quick is what is scaring u!!! u will get over that!!!!! from what i hear from other moms, it's easier with the second, and third, and so on!!!!!! u did an amazing job with my lil boyfriend, Marek!!!!! ur going to be fantastic and a pro the second time round!!!!! just think positive....Marek is going to love having a sibling and he will help u out too!!!!!!! enjoy the wonderful news!!!!! dh will come around too!!!!! :)

1330108 tn?1333677304
by SunWorshiper_26, Jan 14, 2012
Congratulations. I think the fears you have are very normal. I would not worry too much, life never gives us more than we can handle. You will rise to the challenge :)

865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Jan 14, 2012
Thank you, everyone, for your positive words.  As usual you have helped me to "turn my frown upside down".

It was just a very big shock and I know things will all work out OK in the end..... but first month trying??? Come on...that only happens to 20 year olds... not an old bird like me!

I will keep my fingers crossed that every thing with the bean is ok.  LOL - I dont even know what to do I make sure that everything is ok?   It's not like i can call my RE for a US.  I guess I just make an appt with my doctor?  I suppose there wont be any early ultrasounds with this one.... awwww.  I guess this control freak is gonna have to take a step back for a bit.

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jan 14, 2012
I have heard from so many that it's easier to get pregnant the second time around.  I good friend of mine tried for years and years and finally conceived a beautiful set of twins through IVF.  They weren't even a year old and boom!  she found herself pregnant again naturally.  We decided to start trying when Ryder was 6 months old and I too conceived the first time.  Maybe our bodies just know what to do now? Not sure, but I hear it all the time.    I would still put a call into your RE's office.  If that doesn't work out, then I'd see your Dr. of an OB referral.  They tend to do early u/s on those of us of "advanced maternal age" anyway.  Good luck hon, I'm excited for you!!

1806883 tn?1458321004
by stacey10, Jan 14, 2012
wow, I had a little laugh at this, just because how typical is that!! its like murpheys law!!, dont you worry,  just think of the amazing gift your giving your little boy a chance to be a wonderful big brother!!, they have hearts just as big as ours and will absolutley revvel in the fact that he will have a new baby brother or sister, with your parents, it will still be wonderful as they will still be able to give your son special time, and you will be able to spend time with the baby, so it will be a win win situation, as for your husband, he should be proud his wigglies managed to do the job so proficently, but I understand where hes comming from, my hubby has the odd grumble about the fact that he's hardly been able to throw me round the bed that much as I've been pregnant for much of our time together :), as I tsay to him, ah well theres always retirment time :p, anyway as for being old and tires, I really think having one baby/child is exhausting, when you have to it just seems to fall into place, just involve  your son in all aspects of your pregnancy etc, and dont worry second time around you dont worry about all the stuff you did first time round :) congratulations on your pregnancy :)

1191262 tn?1366763021
by enolia, Jan 15, 2012
Yeah, you are almost complaining here ;) Women are about hormones sometimes so just take it easy and look at the big picture, you will have a bigger family, 2 babies instead of one, Youppieeee...I wish I could say the same thing ;( me and dh are having issues and may split soon, our first baby is 13 month old. Just keep in mind, things don't necessary come in a perfect timing, try to take the best out of it. I know it's hard but I would try to be positive and get over the shock because at the end, it is very positive and you both can deal with it :))


1726707 tn?1362530938
by Shyladybaby27, Jan 15, 2012
I was on the IUD and it fell out I got pregnant lost the baby and 2 weeks later got pregnant again because I  guess that was GODS  plans for me even though at first I was strong to everyone but felt the same way inside. Its natural, its normal ans I know it will pass

758011 tn?1332269002
by Vana08, Jan 15, 2012
How many women here wish for that!! You have been blessed...I know it can't be easy sometimes but I mean...Look to the skies and thank God for this blessing! All the best..

1328636 tn?1389367392
by seattleview, Jan 15, 2012
Holy cow!!!  I have been thinking about trying on our own, too, imagining it would be next to impossible after all we've been through...but your news has me re-thinking! ;)  I TOTALLY have all your doubts and mixed feelings and am not even pregnant with a second kid yet even though I am pretty sure I want one.  But do I want to be pregnant right now when I'm still not sure I've adjusted to being a mom of only one little munchkin???  

WOW!  Congratulations!  

631676 tn?1333718203
by usuk, Jan 16, 2012
congrats. you can't have only had sex twice in a year and for a minute question that this is a blessing and not an outcome of endless, irresponsible shagging without thinking of consequences. once your body figures it out, it just happens. masek will now have a sibling.

you always said dream big and never give up. this is pretty big :)


865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Jan 17, 2012
Thanks again, ladies for sharing your thoughts on my thoughts!  DH still hasnt come around - he doesnt want to talk about it at all, and that's fine.  Eventually, he will be able to wrap his head around it.

But USUK made a great point... what are the chances of this happening???  Of course this is a blessing from God... I will adapt - it's just scary.

And I do have the right to be scared and unsure... but there is no point second guessing this.  Baby is on the way.  Can't change that.  

All along, my goal had been to have 2 babies by the time I hit 40.  So we are right on track.  I just wish I had a job to go back to.  Babies are expensive.

1129232 tn?1360800358
by kris71, Jan 17, 2012
omg ! congrats!!! Everything you are feeling is soooo normal. I know quite a few women that were in the same situation as you and they got through it. One friend did IVF after years of trying and being told that was her only way she could get pregnant. Had twins and when they were a few months old, lo and behold pregnant naturally. it's like your bodies needed the help initially but then once it knew what it was doing, it could do it. ya know? I am the exact OPPOSITE of you. I got pregnant very easily with my son and have not been able to get pregnant since! except with my first IVF but that resulted in M/c. I know it's going to be hard on you initially as your kids will be so close in age and so young but that is what i had always wanted. kids close in age. Get all the hard stuff out of the way fast and have them be best friends because they are so close in age - ya know? anyway - congrats and hoping you have an easy pregnancy!

1169162 tn?1331232353
by nola0805, Jan 17, 2012
First of all, congrats - what a surprise!!  I also think that everything that you are feeling is completely normal and understandable.  I so share all of your concerns now that I am thinking about trying for #2 (my son is 16 months old).  I will share with you a poem that I stumbled upon that made me feel better:

As I hold your little hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship,
I suddenly feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder:
How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me,
as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him.
-- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing
those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you -- as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--
only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you
-- you each have your own supply.
I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life."

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by anxiousbabybag, Jan 30, 2012
congrads im still trying for #1

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