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I know I'm a whiner but....

Feb 06, 2012 - 6 comments

A few years ago I bought a house!  My BF moved in with me but it's MY house.  This past year in the name of "reno's" he has trashed my house:(. So last night my dad said he's going to come over and hang some drywall in my bathroom (that my BF gutted over a year ago and has done nothing for it yet!!!!) and my BF freaked that now my parents are gonna dictate how it'll look etc....  Well I don't care I just want it to freakin work again!!!!!  So 3 big fights in 3 days....  At what point should I cut him loose?  Everyone keeps telling me I should work through it with him!!!!!  I can't live in a cluttered unfinished house, and the bathroom is far from the only thing he's gutted and left unfinished!

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by ready2bfree49, Feb 06, 2012
Let him go now....I have learned the hard way ( as I do with everything..) that you can't change anyone and if he hasn't changed by now he's not going to....I tried to change my first husband which is now and was then an addict/alcoholic...I thought I could "love him well" and after losing everything I/we had ( nice house, cars, boats etc.) I relized I never could  It may be hard but let him go.....another thing to remember is that your parents/family is always right ( maybe not in all cases but most ) and if I had to guess they don't like him and want you to be rid of him......GOOD LUCK :) I'm here if you need someone to talk to :)

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by AnnieBrooke, Feb 06, 2012
Can't say it much better than ready2 says it.  If you are with a guy who can't get things done, and has possession issues over his unfinished work so nobody else can get it done either, and fights with you over your reasonable request that you house not be torn up, what on earth is the draw?  There are a lot of other men in the world, and some of them will treat you with respect.

134578 tn?1614729226
by AnnieBrooke, Feb 06, 2012
I suppose I should say there are a lot of men in the world who are not boys.  Some will act like men and get a kick out of being a responsible adult.  Good luck.

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by sadmomma4, Feb 06, 2012
Thanks for the advice.  I have considered sending him packing, but even my parents try to talk me out of it.  I do love him I am just getting tired of my house suffering!  Also (and not like this is a valid reason to stay together) I cannot afford the mortgage alone, the house did have a suite so I could have rented it out but he took down a lot of walls etc:(. I think I'm going to get him to try couples counseling.


134578 tn?1614729226
by AnnieBrooke, Feb 06, 2012
I'd rebuild the suite so you have the ability to dump him if you want to.  Right now, you're letting yourself be a little bit financially trapped.  He really does sound like he's being a bit childish.

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by sadmomma4, Feb 06, 2012
He is quite a bit childish, and I know when you love someone you should love unconditionally and I have made a point of not trying to change him but it is getting hard:(
I just finally said this is what we are doing because I refuse to life in a renovation nightmare!  He'll get over the initial sting and realize I am doing what is best for all of us!
xoxo

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