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My lil baby angel boy story!!

Mar 09, 2012 - 14 comments

After 4 cycles of IVF( in vitro fertilization) this was the perfect one. Since i saw his first embryo picture i knew in my heart it was a boy a fighter that will make it to this world and share with his big sisters, daddy and mommy. On November 30, 2011 2 embrios were transfered and on December 4th, 2011 i did my first pregnancy test that came positive. I was in shock 4 days after my transfer im pregnant!! This was the best gift for my husband due to his birthday was the 1st of december was a true miracle. Unfortunately on dec 7th i started to spot the i started to have heavy bleeding w clots passing by. I though is was all over but something inside me told me " not yet mommy im here dont give up". It was a very nice experience and i did what that lil voice told me to. I kept bleeding like a period every single day but for my surprise my HCG levels kept rising...my first hcg was 12 the the second beta was on a thursday and for our surprise my beta doubled but i still bleeding. On sunday morning around 4am i did a home preg test thinking was over cuz i still bleeding really heavy...when i saw that test came very dark positive i got confused..bleeding/ cramping and still pregnant?? It was a shock for me... i did called my nurse and did told her what happend and she said to do another blood test monday morning to check the levels...and the miracle happend my HCG levels came back tripled and i cried and cried, because i knew my lil bean was a fighter and was still there.

On December 16, 2011 was a very weird/ amazing day for my husband and myself. I had to repeat the hcg leves again and the numbers were 1611. when we saw that number we were in completly SHOCK...because that date of the test was 16 and the year 11=1611 were my numbers. We knew for fact that God has plan with us on keeping this lil bean.

When i had my first u/s done on 12/20/11 i was 5w 4d we saw our lil bean. That moment was the happiest moment for my husband and myself. After going back home i had an episode of bleeding, so i called my fertility dr and let him know what happend and they went and put me on strick bed rest due to the possibility of a threaten misscarriage. I was so sad that now that we saw our lil one i was going to misscarry. well God had something different.The bleeding did stopped i was just having brown spotting every single day.

On January 5,2012 i had another episode of bleeding w clots as well. Hubby rushed me to the ER and when they did the u/s we did saw our lil one still there and this time i was 7w6d and we heard forthe first time our lil one heartbeat. Tears came down hubby and my face. It was a miracle that with so much bleeding i was still pregnant. I said to my hubby"we have a fighter inside me" well bleeding was on and off and the worries were there. I tried not to stress that much and hubby decided to rent a BABY HEART DOPPLER, OMG this was life saving and stress free. I was able to hear my baby heart beat as early as 10w pregnant and I could hear it every time i wanted.

On Febraury 11, 2012 @ 13w1d i was rushed to the ER again due to severe cramps and severe bleeding. I tho everything was over!! when the OB check my cervix he said was closed but the didnt want to assure me anything cuz i was gushing lots of blood and cramping were to strong. They did the ultrasound and there was my lil baby..he was BIG from the last time we saw him( i was having u/s done every week due to the unexplained bleeding) but this time the tech did notice something not right. I had SUBCHORIONIC HEMATOMA underneath the edge of the placenta and another one underneath my baby. This was the reason i was bleeding so much since i find out i was pregnant. The size of the first SCH was meassuring 8cm and it was located underneath the placenta and the one underneath the baby was 2cm. I was very worried about the situation of the bleeding not ceasing nor the cramps, i was sure i was going to loose my baby. When the u/s tech kept looking and measuring my baby was jumping around and she confirmed i was having a BABY BOY!!! OMG when she said that and showed it to us we were so happy!! MY FIRST LIL BABY BOY!! and he had his hand on his face and making sucking movements...its an experience and a memory i wont forget. As for me and the bleeding they did admit me thinking i was going to misscarry. Well i started to pray and the bleeding did stopped and the cramping as well. I was discharged with strick bed rest like the beggining.

When i was home i started to feel like lil movements inside at the first i doubt was the baby but then i kept feeling the same thing i did realize i was feeling my baby movements so early...it felt sooo good feeling my lil baby moving.

On Febraury 25,2012 around 4pm i started to get some light to strong cramps. I went to the bathroom and 6 clots came out... like it was normal for me to pass clot i didnt worried cuz i wasnt bleeding. The pain started to increase but i didnt had any bleeding. I took some tylenol pm to stop the cramps and fall asleep. The next day feb 26 i did notice that the pain hasnt gone away. I did mentioned to my hubby  but this time i was just spotting brown but i was having a clear sticky discharge(sorry tmi) i said we need to go to the hospital cuz i knew something wasnt right. I took some tylenol again but this time it wasnt helping. It was near 2 am on  Monday 27 and the cramps were getting very constant like 5 min apart. When i got to the ER(women hospital) and the dr told me it seems that i will misscarry...i was positive that i wont cuz it was normal for me this entire pregnancy. Well when the OB was going to do my cervix check before he even started i felt a gush of liquid coming out.. i tho i was bleeding again but when the dr examine me he was saying about something being positive. I wasnt sure what he was triying to say.. i tho was blood..when the dr was gone i told my hubby that something wasnt right cuz i was gushing lots of liquid... my hubby knew i wasnt bleeding he told me that it was the old blood coming out..when i check the bed pad it was clear liquid...that when my heart collapse..i never knew what was the feeling of having my water broke cuz i had c-sections done before, so this was totally new for me.

The dr order another u/s to check on my baby fluid and when i saw the screen my lil baby boy wasnt moving and it didnt had any liquid at all...i started to cry cuz i didnt knew what was going to happen...when the tech told me that my baby was still having a heartbeat i felt more relieve but the pain was getting worst. I called my mom and she inmediatelly came. My OB dr came and she said i was going to misscarry my lil boy anytime now.. i didnt knew what she meant cuz the pain was soo strong..i was having them every 2 minutes..when the pain went away for just a lil while i figure that i was in labor and that my baby boy just at 15weeks old was coming to this world. Then i got worst knowing the reality of losing my first baby boy at birth.

When they put the epidural i felt so relief, but then the worst happend I felt something coming out and my mom told the nurse. When she checked me she said it just a huge blood cot that came out but when she took the blood cot out she saw my lil boy coming out. They took my baby boy away from me and the were cleaning him. i cried to my mom and hubby what they were doing to him and they said "we are listening to his heartbeat" when they say that i just wanted to die at that moment knowing that my baby was born alive and knowing he will be gone at the sametime.

After they cleaned my baby they gave it to me.. i held his tiny body in my arms and put him in my chest praying God not to take him. My lil baby boy was a fighter he was born at 8:13 am and God let me enjoy him untill 9:59 am. It was the hardest thing for a mother to let go her own child.

I know my lil angel is in better hands and in a better place. I know he is playing and having fun with all the angels in heaven.

Thank You GOD for giving the precious gift of having a lil baby boy angel.


Comments
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1417531 tn?1365597725
by Hopeful4aBlessing, Mar 09, 2012
Many prayers to you! No one should ever endure such loss! My thoughts and prayers with you and your family!

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by wakejl, Mar 09, 2012
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain that you must be going through. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you at this difficult time.

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by retta483, Mar 09, 2012
Im sorry he wasnt able to stay :( stay strong . xx prayers for you and your family .

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by chrissymom, Mar 09, 2012
I'm so sorry to hear about your little angel, I am glad you got to enjoy him for a little while at least, these are the memories we try to hold onto. And he will remember always the lovely cuddles he got from his mummy before he had to go away to his new home in heaven. I am sending lots of hugs and wishes to you and your family at this heartbreaking time. I wish I knew something better to say to you, your story really made me cry i truly felt every word. xx

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by SeptemberBound, Mar 09, 2012
May God continue to bless you and your family, word can't express my heart felt sorrow I feel right now.  God sent you an angel that was such a fighter and a little miracle, I pray that God give you comfort and strength through this difficult time.

God bless and lots of hugs!

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by midget89, Mar 09, 2012
How heart wrenching. Prayers are with you and your family through this difficult time. Stay strong sweetie.

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by jessy_fernan, Mar 10, 2012
thanks a lot ladies..it has been a very difficult time for dh and my self..but i know God has other plans for me..its been 12 days since my lil angel flew away and it feels like it was yesterday...

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by 1biologist, Mar 12, 2012
Hi Jessy,
Sending you plenty of love from Tampa Bay.

Sharon

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by Alexis2358, Mar 12, 2012
OMG, how terrible but yet how beautiful to get to hold that beautiful little boy and enjoy him for so long when he was so young.    I'm myself going thru a heartbreaking moment as I just saw my little babies heartbeat, but learned it was slow.   My chances are not good to see this pregnancy thru and I too feel so bad for the little fighter inside of me trying desperately to cling to life.     I'm hoping for a miracle, but your story has lifted me up knowing that so many of us have been thru so much.    It reminds me that I'm not alone in my suffering and my heart breaks for you.

I am inspired by your words and your actions to thank God at a time when most people including myself would be SO angry.

Lots of Hugs

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by plumber43, Mar 12, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss, many hugs and kisses!
Love Melanie

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by TAGLAS, Mar 12, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss:( My heart is with you and your family.

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by GiGiGiGi, Mar 12, 2012
What a heart breaking story.  I can't imagine how hard this has been.  Know that you and your sweet little boy are in my thoughts and prayers.

g

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by bella73, Mar 12, 2012
Just letting you know that I am thinking of you and your family right now. I know that there is very little that will comfort you right now. Please know that all of these fine ladies have you and your angel boy in our prayers. ((((hugs)))


1441678 tn?1414176672
by jessy_fernan, Mar 17, 2012
Thanks a lot ladies...I'm trying to get better emotional so I could try again in 3 months...and thanks for your good wished and prayers!!

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