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why?

Jan 31, 2008 - 2 comments

here i sit at my desk crying..thinking about all the bad things that have happened in my life and wondering why? wondering what purpose is my life here on earth?....im not suicidal its just that sometimes i wonder why god keeps me here....why?...what good am i to anyone?.....i am a burden and a heartache.....i didnt ask to be this way it was the hand i was dealt i guess......32 yrs old and completely useless.....ive had numerous surgeies and my dr just called and she wants me to go see a ortho dr for maybe another fusion.....evetually my whole spine will be basically caged in steel.....i dont want this surgery and probbal;y wont even go see this dr...im over the ********.....im tired of having surgeries and therapy and being a guinea pig......if i have the surgery then i have to go back to the oc's and thats what ive worked so hard to get off of ..not only for me but for my hubby too..if i have to go back on those he will also be back on them too....i know this in my heart.....i havent called him and told him the news,.....dont know if i will......such a dissapointment.....im sorry this is so depressing and u guys r probaly tired of my cry baby ****...but i just need to let all this out.....if i dont i may do something i'll regret later......im sorry guys im no use to anyone today......  

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231048 tn?1214354453
by Beaten, Jan 31, 2008
hey there. hunn i'm soo sorry for what u are going through. I cant imagine the pain that u are feeling. i used to be clinically depressed and wondered the same thing. What good am i? why am i here? I'm useless and a waste of space. looking back now i realize that that was not true and it still isn't. and u r not a cry baby. If i were u i'd be crying my eyes out to. You have every right. I abuse oxycontin, i'm and addict and have no good reason. Its been for nothing but recreational use and it makes me ashamed of myself to see how innocent people like urself have been prescribed this stuff for good enough reason and then people like me abuse it. You have certainly given me alot to think about. How selfish i've been. I'm perfectly healthy and complain about withdrawl when at its mildest.

Perhaps your purpose on earth is to give people like me a new lease on life. To make us think harder about our choices. You must be a very strong person to have worked so hard to get off this stuff with your medical problems! I hope you will be ok and i will pray for you and i want to thank you for opening my eyes. :)

461194 tn?1207598807
by Nairb0, Apr 06, 2008
No no no. Don't feel that way. You are not worthless and you do have a purpose here on earth(or you wouldn't be here!).

I felt the same way after only using for about 2 weeks. and then I didn't use for 5 days and I felt great again. Then I did one 30, and the whole cycle of feeling worthless and like I have no friends or purpose on earth came again for about a week. Just give it time, one morning, you will wake up feeling like a million bucks, like you have all the reason in the world to be living.

Best of luck...
~B

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