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Restless Night

Apr 05, 2012 - 0 comments

Went to bed at 1130. Had trouble falling to sleep then got up at 122. Felt back to sleep and up again at 0430.

I had physical symptoms last night like I was reveaved up. Heart beating fast. No panic just keyed up. Blood pressure was unusually high the other day. My blood test come back as high chlestrol (224 up from 204 in Nov), sugar boarderline high.

No exercise has definitely taken it toll on me. I have to get back into it. Was going to hit the heavy bag last night but it got late and I didnt want to go to bed keyed up (I did anyway). I will begin tonight.

In work and not feeling too bad. Its really strange how you feel when you are ok after going through hell the past month or so. I almost feel like I was in a bad dream. Sometimes I wonder if this isnt anxiety and more like schitzephina or bi polar disorder. I think someone would have picked that up a long time ago. Afterall, schitzophrina is a break from reality. I feel like I am too sane. My awareness level is through the roof because I see things the way they really are. This isnt a delusion on my part. I know what our reality is or what we created but I see the reality of the cosmos and think of a universe without the God I was taught there was.This thought has always left me feeling insignificant and lost, especially when in an anxious state. does this deem someone insane?

I read something on the internet last night about vitamin B3 (Niacin) deficiency and mental illness. a doctor by the name of Abram Hoffer did extensive research on nutrition or lack of and body ailments. He supplied mental patients suffering with Schitzophrenia with B3. The results were positive to say the least. B3 was also effective in treating anxiety and depression and alcoholism. The drug companies ignored his research and pushed the pharmicuticals to treat everything.

Hoffer believed that nutritional imbalances were the basis of most human illnesses, especially mental or brain related illnesses. Interesting stuff.

On a positive note, I had some moments of normalcy last night. I almost felt like myself again. I wonder if anyone else feels like this. After an anxiety episode of a month or longer, when I come out of it, I am usually bewildered over what happen. the last couple of times this has happened to me I went through internal hell for 5 weeks or so. When I finally got it together, I was fine. I remember back in October, I was going through a mild case of this crap. We had a trip planned for South Carolina in mid November. I dreaded going on that trip bigtime. Whenever I thought of it, I felt panic and fear. Well the trip came and it was very enjoyable. Had a great time but I didnt have anxiety either or the fear.

Do chemicals really do all this to you? I have the physical symptoms of anxiety but the mental, wow! Where does all the fear come from along with all the racing thoughts?

Havent had panic in a couple of days (touch wood!). Monday night was a real hollibalu. I dont think it was panic as much as just pure anxiety. My nerves felt shot. All kinds of sensations all over my body.

Went to daughter's softball game and spent alot of time outside. Felt uncomfortable a few times but managed to be upbeat. I was like this in work too. I actually got alot of work done today. This kept the anxiety levels down.


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