Feb 04, 2008
Books on Addiction…..
I am sick and tired of walking into “Barnes and “take all your cash” Noble” and seeing some New York Times cheesy best seller book about addiction. I think to myself, “maybe this one’s got it right”, then I flip through the pages and read some regurgitated bullsh*t written by some unknown captain doooosh bag who “knows a junkie”, or who smoked pot and did a line of coke once in college
Excuse me while I puke.
I am tired of bubble gum stories about how some guy or girl got hooked, did bad things, got straight and lived happily ever after. Anyone can write that garbage. Anyone can write a book about drug usage, but the problem with addiction books these days, even the decent ones, is, it always comes back as fiction. Or, authors who elaborate their drug use for more of a shock factor. (Remember “A Million Little Pieces?”) James Frey’s story would have been good even if some of the fabrications were left out. But it’s all about money and big sales baby. Never the truth.
Whatever happened to books about real life on drugs? About REAL ADDICTS and not fabricated naughty heroin (enter drug of choice) users.
I can read books all day about rock stars that went overkill on drugs and spent thousands on blow and now have 1.2 brain cells left. (Think Ozzy) But I can’t find one book that is about real addiction, normal everyday people, and every nasty, disgusting and putrid thing about it. I am talking seriously candid sh*t. Every month big publishing companies churn out books that make the top sellers list because mister and miss Smith want to read about "bad people who do drugs". They want to sneak the books into their 500G homes, shut the blinds, grab a glass of 300$ a bottle wine, and in their voyeuristic ways, read about junkies. Well, it's all bullsh*t that “normal” people love to read. It's all a bunch of money grubbing, hop on the band wagon idiotic “authors” (I use the term “authors” lightly here) who interview a few junkies and think they can write a book on "real addiction".
What do junkies really go through? What goes through our heads, what motivates us to take that hit, pill, rail, etc? I am sick of seeing sugar coated books that talk about the 12 steps. Well let me tell you, 12 steps, to me, does not pertain to what addiction is really about, only recovery. Sure it works for some people, but I don’t want to read a book that ends with the 12 step prayer. No, tell me your story. Tell me every sordid detail. Tell me about your lover named addiction.
The only people who know about this life are junkies.
The addicts who have lived it, loved it, left it and embraced it again. People who have over dosed and lived to tell the tale. The mother’s who are on Heroin or Vicodin just to get through the day and "feel normal". Take a Xanax 5 times a day to make the anxiety go away, and who happen to also be some the best care takers in the world. (But you can’t tell the “normal’s” that, they haven’t a clue)
The 30/40 year old woman/man who thought they were going to "be something big" but resulted in using drugs to kill the pain of reality. They fantasize about what they could have been, all the while sitting in their cheap fabricated houses watching TV and still believing they are going to be someone with each pill or hit they take.The people who got into real debilitating injuries and became junkies because the dealers, aka: doctors, keep feeding them pain killers because those mother fukers don't know what the hell they are doing.
The daughter or son who was raped so they turned to a life of drugs to escape the pain. The addictive personalities who don’t know why the hell they do drugs. (Well they enjoy the high, but the root of the problem is a big void to them.) And one day, they/you wake up and wonder…what happened to me? What happened to my dream? To my soul? You have kids and are divorced once, twice, four kids with four different parents. You are paying rent instead of a mortgage. You find yourself using food stamps instead of a credit card. You are driving a 15 year old car and not a new Nissan. What the *** happened? You can’t even compete with the Joneses. That’s how fuked up your life is.
Then you start to pay attention to self help fuks, ala Dr. Phil. You start buying addiction books by the ten’s, you start to see a shrink. They tell you to be strong and take this pill. Prozac, Paxil, Xanax. Everything will be ok if you have self affirmation. “Look inside of yourself and let it gooooooo”……the shrink who rips you to pieces to try to get to the bottom of your “issues”…fuk them all.
It comes down to this: Our stories are endless. And sadly, our voices, the voices of real addicts are rarely ever heard.
Whatever happened to authors like Hunter, Barry and Marlowe? Addicted authors who took their lives and put it on paper all very candidly? I think the only people who can understand this are the individuals on this site and other addicts who are as lost as I am. The people who grew up in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s when the world started to change for the bad, bad, bad. Teens now who can’t deal with the overwhelming pressures of whatever the hell they are going though so they turn to drugs. Divorced people who are lost, who thought marriage was the good life for them, but found out it was not meant to be with their spouses. Prostitutes who have to kill the pain with whatever they can get their hands on. There are addicts from all walks of life, but every damned addiction book out there talks about the same inane bullsh*t. Not about the real faces of addiction.
There is nobody to blame for our addictions but ourselves, but there are so many outer influences that were there for the taking. We are/were a generation of AIDS, bands that talk about decadent drug use, war, crack cocaine, Prozac, Xanax and a slew of psychological feel good drugs and not to mention massive freedom of speech.
We were shown images on the TV that penetrated our gray masses, telling us lies. Whispering in our ear, take this drug and you will be happy. A little depressed? Here’s some sh*t you can take that will make it all go away….we don’t know what it will do to you over a period of time, but that’s ok, you will feel like you’re on top of the world! Have a little back pain? Take this Norco, it will make the pain go away. Stressed at work? Xanax baby, Xanax. Don't like the way you look? Upgrade your lives with fake boobs a tummy tuck and botox.
Show me a book that tells the truth about drug use, and every single god damned thing that ties into it (abuse, society, must I go on?) And I would be shocked. I have given up on the publishing world, having written my own book I have actually found a good one, but I still believe that the best authors are on this very site. Those who have the balls to talk openly about their addiction and every horrible thing that comes with it.
This rant of mine,
is just my way of raising my middle finger to the monsters, the pushers, the Doctors who over-medicate, the shrinks who over-evaluate, the fakers, the innocent takers, and the self absorbed, but mostly to the publishing world, who like to sugar coat life. F U C K YOU. : )