Oct 30, 2008 - comments
I cant keep my head above water anymore. For everything good that happens there are 2 bad things that come right at me!!! I dont know which way is up and which way is down!! Sometimes i think when im happy its just me fooling myself...cuz it never lasts! Addiction sux....ex's sux......and sometimes life in general just sux!!! I have a bottle of pills!!!!! I was weak last week when i went to my doctors for a re-check and when he offered...i said sure! Smiling all the way! I have not abused....only taken a few when im in true pain but i still have that lil voice in my head saying....go on....a few isnt gonna hurt!!!!! I look at my tracker....320 some odd days! What a waste that would be to throw that all a way! Right?!?! I know im right....but some moments that doesnt matter!!! I just want my life and my kids life to be good again. No more crying, fighting.....just happy!!! Now on top off all im moving! Im happy to be moving cuz i will finally be safe! Safe in my own place that he just cant show up to cuz his name isnt on the lease!! Just me! I just hate packing and then taking the kids some where new. I know its an adjustment and i think im doing the right thing. Im just so lost and confussed.........................
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