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It's got to get better from here!! has to.....right???????????

Oct 30, 2008 - 3 comments

I cant keep my head above water anymore. For everything good that happens there are 2 bad things that come right at me!!! I dont know which way is up and which way is down!! Sometimes i think when im happy its just me fooling myself...cuz it never lasts! Addiction sux....ex's sux......and sometimes life in general just sux!!! I have a bottle of pills!!!!! I was weak last week when i went to my doctors for a re-check and when he offered...i said sure! Smiling all the way! I have not abused....only taken a few when im in true pain but i still have that lil voice in my head saying....go on....a few isnt gonna hurt!!!!! I look at my tracker....320 some odd days! What a waste that would be to throw that all a way! Right?!?! I know im right....but some moments that doesnt matter!!! I just want my life and my kids life to be good again. No more crying, fighting.....just happy!!! Now on top off all im moving! Im happy to be moving cuz i will finally be safe! Safe in my own place that he just cant show up to cuz his name isnt on the lease!! Just me! I just hate packing and then taking the kids some where new. I know its an adjustment and i think im doing the right thing. Im just so lost and confussed.........................

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by liscamdave, Oct 30, 2008
honey...things will get better for you, I promise. YOu are too good of a person for them not to. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but it will get better. You have come so far, don't ruin it with that bottle of pills..just keep moving forward. No one can define you and no one can dictate your life..you make your own choices and you are moving to start fresh. So dump the pills and do just that. I said this to another friend yesterday, and it stands true.. we can't change the cards we have been dealt, only how we choose to play those cards...Good luck...

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by grimgirl, Oct 30, 2008
Jen...I'm soooo sorry you are feeling so sad....but I KNOW you can do this...like I have said before, you are my hero thru all of this.  And..its 334 days...not 320!!!!!!  Talking from experience, I know the whole ex thing *****.... but take it from me ( a woman that's 11 year old daughter found her curled up in the fetus position on the bathroom floor ...physically and emotionally spent ..while going through my divorce) you WILL end up happier in the end...   Its kind of strange,  You are off the drugs and I am not...You assure me that, in the end, I will be better off and happier.   I am long done my divorce and you are just starting...and I AM ASSURING you that you WILL DEFINATELY be better off and happier.  Like I've read and you've told me about the drugs...it takes time...and unfortunately....that is what will solve this problem too!!!!  I guess we both need to trust each other!!!!  As for the kids...believe me...they will be okay, especially with a kind, warm, STRONG mom like you by their sides.  Thru all of that...I found that it all bothered me much more the kids, and ya know why....because us moms fight and do everything we can to protect our kids from the big bad world...and I'm SURE that is what you are doing...so they will be ok!!!!!  Please know that I am here for ya.....I want to help you if I can....please let me know how you are doing?...I really really care.....ttys.....xxooMarie        Oh and Jen...you DESERVE to be happy and SAFE!!!!!!!!!!  You are doing the right thing!!!

Avatar universal
by grimgirl, Oct 30, 2008
See I told you....I ramble and ramble...I can't even do a short comment.....lol

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