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Mother's Day :'-(

May 08, 2012 - 3 comments

When I hear the words "Mother's Day" it's like having a red-hot knife go into my heart. Everyone has suggestions of how I can cope with the day. I don't even care. I want to care, but I can't. All I know is that my mom is gone. She hasn't even been gone two months and then this day has to be a big deal that everyone recognizes in our country.
Reminders of it are everywhere. On calendars. Hundreds of cards and posterboards all over stores and in windows. Commercials on TV. Ads all over the internet. People in general asking what plans you have for the day.
Before my mom died, I made her a homemade card for Mother's Day and wanted to give it to her before she passed away, but I was too late. She went unconscious, and the brief time she did wake up, I didn't want to leave her side. So I missed my chance. I'll never get to read her what I wrote, she'll never get to see what I made for her.
I made it through Easter well enough, but the focus of Easter isn't mothers. This is a holiday where I'll be reminded ALL DAY LONG that my mom is gone from my life. Everyone I know personally still has their moms. I feel so alone in this. I wish Sunday, May 13, 2012 could somehow be wiped off the calendar for my day so I won't have to deal with it.

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by specialmom, May 08, 2012
Oh, it is so very hard.  All I can tell you is what worked for me-----  we took off in the car and did something very UN typical for our family on that day.  We stayed busy rather than sitting at a long brunch dedicated to mothers or doing our typical family party.  It really helped.  I could go back to those things the following year and it was MUCH easier.  But the distraction I brought on myself for mother's day was what I needed the first one without my mom.

And now the day is about me as I am a mom.  My kids do nice things for me and do things I enjoy that day. One of them is gardening.  I have a spot that I considered my 'mom garden' in my yard.  I plant things each year there and have a bench.  I sit there and think about my mom and I work on that little garden patch each mother's day.  

I know how very hard this is sweetie.  I do.  I'm so sorry you are hurting and hope that you are able to find a tiny bit of peace.  

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by msniki412, May 08, 2012
I know what your going through. My Grandmother passed away last year in March of lung cancer, and it still hurts to this day. Last year, after her passing....we had hoildays that came around and just felt "odd". My birthday came around exactly 4 weeks after her passing and I was a wreck. I didn't even want to celebrate my birthday because it just hurt too much. Everybody tried to make it better, since it was the first birthday in the family without her...but it didn't matter. And then the holidays came, Easter, Mothers Day and my Grandmothers birthday [which is May 25] all back to back. It was hard. Still hard to this day.

I can tell you...that it does get somewhat better. Don't get me wrong...I still to this day have never ever truely expressed my feelings towards her passing. I never had that true "breakdown" moment...I guess you can say I really haven't accepted it yet. Even though I haven't accepted it...the days are better to deal with. I still get emotional when speaking of her, but it's not to the point whereas in the beginning I couldn't even speak anymore that it hurt my throat so know that "lumpy" feeling when your heart aches so bad.

You need to take things, day by day. Keep your mind busy. If you have hobbies or crafts, do them. Trust helps. Keeping the mind busy keeps you in peace. I took up allot of hobbies and crafts after my Grandmother's passing. It really did help. And you will still have those days, where nothing just keep thinking over and over of your Mother and that's natural. She was with you since birth.

Holidays...for the first year, will be hard. Birthdays, the same way. In time, everything will get easier. It just takes the heart and soul time to heal of a passing....and that is the normal process.

Take care of yourself....


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by AHP84, May 08, 2012
I don't know what to do with her gone. I keep wanting to call her or go to her house and hope she'll be there, anything. Just trying to reflect on good memories isn't enough; it's not really her in life. It's just memories, and even though that's all I have left, it's not the same, it's not her. I want to distract myself from the grief but then I either feel guilty about it or I can't seem to successfully distract myself for very long. She's always on my mind. I just feel so lost without her.

I want to tell my husband and kids to skip Mother's Day for me this year because I don't want to celebrate it at all without my mom in my life, but that's not fair to them. I know they're planning something nice for me. I just wish my heart wasn't so heavy so the day could just be normal.

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