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Chapter 4 - Here we go again...

Nov 03, 2008 - 0 comments
Tags:

family

,

scared

,

Pregnancy

,

implantation

,

egg collection



So I was harvested yesterday.  I had 9 eggs collected and 8 have fertilized, so that's pretty good.  I feel a bit scared this time.  Not sure what it is...?  I was sore yesterday and this morning I felt a bit nauseous.  But for some reason I feel scared, maybe because I want this to happen so bad, I'm scared it's not.  I haven't written in my journal for a while as I have just set up my new computer and have been avoiding thinking about the IVF process.  But today I feel really scared, I've got butterflies in my belly...?

I've continued with acupuncture and have finished most all my tabs and herbs from the naturopath and I feel pretty good about that.  I've also been making a super effort to be social, as I really don't feel like interacting.  I'm feeling quite anti everything.  I don't even want to get out of bed to go to the shop and get food.  We have nothing in the fridge so I will have to go.  My washing machine broke today so I have piles of washing to do and no way to do it.  Well I will once it gets fixed, but you know how it is - you just want to get it done.  I've got some tiding to do in the lounge, that won't take a sec and then I need to tackle the study.  I've been a bit slack and just left it and threw other bits of mess in it, like the washing.  I've folded and put away all the washing in there, so that's a great start.

Ok so back to the topic at hand - why am I scared?  I just don't know, I guess it really is that about the fact that I am scared that there is the chance that I might not get pregnant this time and it's now been 3 years since we started trying to have a family.  Is it really a lot to ask to have a family...?  I didn't think so, but everything happens for a reason weather we know it or not.

I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and have my implant on saturday and see what happens - this time, it's got to be the one.

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