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Thursday, Febuary 7th, Day 4

Feb 07, 2008 - 0 comments

Thank you for kind words, they are very encouraging to me and certainly affirms that I am heading in the right direction.
Regarding the Suboxone, I don't know how long. My doctor told me his goal is to get me off it as soon as possible; but it will ultimately be up to me to decide. I have never had to go through this, so not sure what to expect. As of right now, I think it will be for a long time. I am determined never to let this happen to me again. I need to re-develop those positive habits and learn how to be around my family again in a sober state of mind. One of the triggers for me was the contant battling I had with my wife. I do not blame her, and I do not want her to blame herself either. All I want is for both of us to examine how we handle disagreements and develop a more civil method of handling ourselves; instead of the battling of wills and egos. To be totally honest, it seemed all to important to her that she was right. Its like she had/had a phobia of saying, "I'm sorry" or changing her perception on things. Not that I was asking her too everytime because when I was wrong, I admitted it and had no probelm going over to her side and agreeing with her. She is an identical twin; often times, she and her twin discuss things; they also typically like to have the same opinion so that may be one of the hurdles as well; she does not want to change her view because her TWIN sees it opposite of me as well. I guess I sometimes feel like I play second fiddle. But thats my issue to get over......So, to try and shorten the -  That may take a while to do so as long as we have that issue on the table, I will remain on the Suboxone. One of my other triggers was the stress I always felt with my son; who is ADHD,, and ODD. ODD is Opposition Defiant Disorder...not a fun thing to live with. As difficult as it is for him to live with it, (I hope not to sound selfish), its extremely difficult for us to endure the behavior and deal with a 13 year old that LOVES/LIVES to argue. There are other triggers too, but those are something that shouldn't require me to use Suboxone any longer than these triggers.
Since I'm here, I would love to give another update. I want to surround myself around positive things and people, and hear words of encouragement everyday (because I know I will need it) so I have decided to make this site part of my recovery process; to post an update each day. Its so theraputic for me to share the success that it spawns more motivation in me.
Day 3 went great; except around 5 pm I started having "urges" so (as my doctor told me too) I took 1/2 a Suboxon Tablet and that seemed to help. Today is Day 4 and its around 3:45. At 45 minutes ago, I started to feel an urge so I took another 1/2 tablet. Worries me a bit to experience these, and had me wondering how the next few days are going to play out because these "urges" are coming on a little earlier each day. Oh well, I guess it really does not change anything if you think about it. In the end, I don't want to use again and I found telling myself that seems to help. Oh, by the way, You're not going to believe what came in the mail at my office today...yup. 90 Norco pills. This is an order that I put in a couple of weeks ago and not that I forgot about it, but just thought it was not going to be delivered. Anyway, thats probably why that urge occured earlier than yesterday. Anyway, I immediately called my wife and told her about it, that there were 90 pills in the bottle and that I was bringing them home tonight after work. I also called my doctors office and told his nurse. I figure the more people I tell, the more peeople I will have to answer too if I do something stupid. I have no intention what so ever right now, I just don't know whats going to happen 2 or 3 hours from now...I have never gone through this so telling everyone that should be told seemed like the best thing I could do for myself.  
Well, I have great encouragement at home, I also have lots of positive things going on here on the website so I"m doing good. Hope all is going well for everyone else too. If there is anyone out there, who needs some help, I will be happy to help in any way I can. I am new to this, but will be happy to share what I have experienced so far. Perhaps it will help you. I know talking to some a few people last Friday helped me. Anyway, best to you and I'll talk again soon.
mhackett @ grar . com
Mike with Family

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