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Nov 08, 2008 - 2 comments

up and tired and pooped. $PM Saturday. The usualy intense nightmares, reliving the "we don't love you anymore" aspect of losing my job 13 years ago, I swear I've got PTSD from it .I dream about it almost every night and can't dream up a resolution. It's haunting me severely.
Feeding homemade dill pickled carrot strips to some man while he asks for beer.

Now the arduous task of filling 2 weeks of pill holders... 2 per day, covering about 30 prescription pills. I HATE doing it, reminds me what a total loser I am. That's not a conscious thought, but it's my suspicion that's what drives the distaste.

Also included, Multiple Vitamin, glucosamine and Vinpocetine. I want to investigate a B-complex that includes B5 because I read about it within the context of my specific symptoms. I wonder about the various DHEA drugs, also. I stopped St. John's Wort because it just is impossible to tell if it's helping or hurting.
I'm compulsively spending all my money every month and my prepaid rent and utilities fizzle out in a few months, leaving me with less per month than I spend just on necessities.
It's going to be interesting.

That's the impending horror.
On the other hand, I'm doing some investing in my health and my budget. Flaxseed goes into my green-tea smoothies.

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365714 tn?1292202708
by MJIthewriter, Nov 08, 2008
I don't know how your job ended, but it does sound rough and don't be hard on yourself for still having that in your mind.

Otherwise I wish I knew what to say other than you are not a loser no matter what you may feel.  Try to distract yourself with something positive.  You may or may not be able to stop those feelings from coming up, but if you can find something else to occupy your mind that helps.

694556 tn?1227983634
by ststephen, Nov 26, 2008
Jill, I sent you some messages on your classmates message page. I think we knew each other in 1974 or 1975 in Chicago, north-side, Lincoln avenue band scene from back then. The messages at your classmates will explain the rest.  I too had psychiatric disorders and alcohol and drug addictions for years and took multi pill cocktails and struggled with much of what you struggle with now ironically but not quite as intensely, I have been off medications for 12 years now and clean too for ten years. I had been on disability for four years and unable to even leave the house for a year or more. your struggles with your doctors and medication doses remind me of me too at one time.  including the felling like a loser but not any more. anyway this may not be a good time for you to touch base, I understand. Like I said I looked up your name because I remembered you from a long time ago if this is the same Jill I once knew but you can read you Classmates messages and see if you want to contact me back at all. I do wish you the best in your struggle and success which I know you can find in any case.

Richard Beck

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