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how do I get pictures of my husband and another woman out of my head

Feb 09, 2008 - 28 comments

My husband of 20 yrs. had a nervous breakdown recently, (suicidal) after I got him home from the hospital he confused to me that he had slept with another woman twice (during the past summer) and fooled around with two other women in the past 5 yrs. I had no idea, I thought we had a great marriage. We never fought, have 3 kids and no big issues. He has pledge his love to me and vows he has no idea what happened and will do what ever it takes to make this right with me. I suspected something was going on during the summer with this women and he kept saying they were only friends. He now realizes that she manipulated him into turning against me (thats what the doctors say during his therapy sessions). We have gone to marriage conselor and really don't have any issues to discuss with him, only the affair business and he have been over that many times. My problem is that I can't get the picture of them two out of my head. I'm alone throughtout the day and that seems to be the worst time. My kids don't know what happened and I don't want them too. Should I seek medication? I don't like the way they make you feel. Does anyone have advice on how I can get that image out of my mind or is it just going to take time? I might be stupid but I still love my husband and I want our relationship to work. Of course if anything else goes on with him, (which he swears will never happen) he's out on his butt. By the way, he's a police officer and I hear (especially from the doctor's) this happens a lot. Any advice?

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Avatar universal
by chrissss, Feb 09, 2008
hi im chris everybody is different as in things that work for u may not for me but time is a great healer plz dont take any meds if poss have u asked him to tell u wat happend i mean the gory details as it may stop u wondering and then u may also refuse 2 think of it

Avatar universal
by tigermom50, Feb 09, 2008
I'm like Chris, AVOID MEDICATION because they have horrible effects, could be addictive. I would go out of the house and be with POSITIVEand SUPPORTIVE people with whom I could talk openly about how I feel. Is there a support group in your area like a church group?
I would also do something to make me feel good about myself like going out for a personal makeover (new hair, new attractive appearance). Do you have any clue why your husband got turned on by these women?  Usually, it starts with physical appearance.  Focusing on yourself and making yourself look and feel more attractive could trick your mind into thinking more about you than these women.


Avatar universal
by shadowc99, Feb 09, 2008
Thanks for your advice. We have been over the issue many sleepless nights and both of us can not come up with what happened. I have asked details, he has reluctantly told me some, but everytime I do, he gets totally out of control. He has kicked the bathroom door, and gets soo depressed that I find myself comforting him. I had to sit on him one night because he was so upset and just kept saying I can't believe what I did.(I guess this is a good thing that he cares)
I know if wasn't for the sex, that has always been great. He only had sex with the one woman over the summer. The other two it was just forplay but it might have led to sex, I don't know. The doctor put him on meds, but it made him nuts so he stopped. I tried one one night when the visions were horrible, but all they did was put me to sleep. I find myself becoming a weekend alcoholic. When he's home, everything is ok, but when he's not, like this weekend (his shift is everyother weekend on) I find the best thing for me is to drink. I know this isn't right but it helps me sleep without waking up. I guess time will make the visions go away but its so hard now. I have told one of my girlfriends and she suggested therapy for me, but due to insurance refindments I can't go until we close out the marriage counseling, and our insurance is changing April 1st so I'm gonna stuck right now. My oldest son is in college and has no idea what is going on. The other two don't know either and I want to keep it that way. My middle son would hate his father and my daughter is too young to realize anything. I just want things to be ok. Should I confront the women. I sent and email to her husband because when all this stuff started (phone calls, message, looking for my husband while he was working) he just said she is friendly and can't sleep at night, that it means nothing. I never got a reply from him. Do you think it would make me feel better? Do you think my husband and I should both see her, if said he'd do whatever I wanted to make things right? Any ideas?

Avatar universal
by amber951, Feb 11, 2008

I would first like to tell you I too am a survivor of my husband's affair with a girl at his work who gave him chlamidia then of course I got it. Finding out of the ugly affair, 6 weeks after giving birth to our 3rd child. Yes I did stay. Two more kids later I am still here. Happily married, no. I'm here for my kids and financially I decided to stay home as a house wife. BIG MISTAKE. That was 7 years ago and I still am not over it. It is like a spiritual divorce that I can not run awat from. I did go on welbutrin for my severe depression, which made me lose weight. I also went back to church. My world was CRUSHED and still is. I can never forget that he chose another girl over his WIFE. I feel like I am now the woman he never wanted. Yes I have been to two year of counseling with my husband as well. You do not have the problem it's him. I am 34 years old now with MS which I blame on all the stress he has given me in this marriage. He madea decision that night to end our marriage. A unilateral decision. I was at home 9 months pregnant. My prayers go out to you and please dont think taking depression pills is wrong. You are going through a marital death right now. I would not confront the B____ Why make yourself hurt even more. Giving you faces you cant erase from your head. I feel so bad for you, I know exactly how you feel. Time does heal but if I could do it all over again I would have left. I want to be cherised by my husband. Now that I am ill I feel I wasted my life with a looser because that is what they are LOOSERS.  

Avatar universal
by peopleanddoctors, Jul 04, 2009
April 30, 2008 my world changed.  I work a night shift and  I was at work and my husband was at a friends house.  I talked with him before I had left and knew there was some girls down there.  As the night went on I started feeling like something was wrong, I couldn't get out of work fast enough.  By the time I left work I was freezing cold and it wasn't cold out, I just knew something was wrong.    I wasn't going to go the friends house and just go home and see if my hubby was home, but I didn't, I found him with one of those girls.  Both were asleep, I went crazy.  I left and went home, he followed.  He said  that he didn't succeed.  He had been drinking, so I really don't know if intercourse happened but the fact is that he let it get that far.  This girl was like 15 years younger than him and he said he just let it go to far.  He said that it felt good for some young chick to hit on him.  We talked about that morning only.  We are still together.  Our relationship isn't the same.  He has never seen or talked with this girl as she didn't live in the area.  There are times I wish I would have left, we don't have sex hardly at all, and when we do I always think of him with her and what he did.  I'm so lonely.  I told only a couple of people.  One time I did ask him if he had told his best friend and he said no but got real mad at me because he thought that I was holding a grudge.  I don't think I am as I don't ever bring it up, I just thought maybe he said something to his best friend as this person thinks we are awesome together, we used to be.  I love him.  I've never loved anybody like I love him, I can't imagne my life without him but I'm still very lonely.  Thanks for listening.

Avatar universal
by shadow99, Jul 30, 2009
Help. Its been awhile but I still have flash backs. Tonight I had to be in the same location of two of the women my husband cheated with. I think one knows I know because she avoids me but I don't think the other one does. The third one should know because I sent her husband and email, but I never got an answer, so who knows.
Things have been better, although my husband has a problem getting an erection with me. Of course I start thinking that it has to do with other women. But he swears his love to me.The only think I know is that when he fooled around with them he was taking Cialis because he was having problems back then. Still no excuse. I'm not over weight or anything like that and I never turned him down for sex. If anything I am sex deprived.  I love my husband and I think I think I want it to work but sometimes i think that 6 yrs. my daughter will graduate and I can leave, but I don't think I want too. I just don't know. I'm really frustrated and lonely. He works a lot of nights so I'm home a lone a lot. Any comments anyone?

Avatar universal
by dawnparion, Aug 07, 2009
My bf and I of three yrs. w/ whom we have a child together now, split up for about a month. Well, I wouldnt talk to him while he was gone, b/c there had been dom. viol. in the pic. and protection orders in effect. I dont remember who finally gave in and talked to who, or if it was a mutual thing, but he ended up coming back.

I found out that he slept w/ two different women, which one that was a one night stand, and much older than him, was still calling after he came back to me.

We dont talk now, we sleep in the same bed, and dont even touch. It's like being w/ a total stranger. I dont even know if I can be w/ him again now, knowing that he was w/ someone else. I will prob. end up leaving him, and moving on. All is do is cry, and I'm even losing interest in my three children, b/c of this.

I think if I got him out of my life, that would prove to him how much he hurt me, and I am not going to stand for it. He needs to know that even though we were apart, those feeling should have still been there. So, maybe the best thing to do for me is to let him go.

Avatar universal
by aamandam, Sep 11, 2009
2 weeks ago I was told about my husbands affair with co worker that happened a little over a year ago.  Of course, my husband was NOT the person to tell me but, it was his best friend.  When I confronted him he absolutly denied everything.  I then told him that the girl called me and was tore up with guilt and said she was going to come clean to her husband (yes, she is married with 3 kids).  After about an hour he admited to "making a mistake". I was ademint that he tells me what the "mistake" was.  At first lied and said that he allowed her to give him oral sex twice.  When I spoke with his friend he told me that not only did she do that but they also had sex.  After confronting my husband for a second time that day he admitted that yes, he had sex with her twice as well.  He keeps saying that it was the biggist mistake of his life and that he was not attracted to her at all (she is really big, bad teeth, and just not pretty at all), and the sex was not good that he didn't even get off the second time.  He has been honest with me about all the discusting details that I have asked (Don't know why I want every detail but, I  do).  His reason that he had an affair was that him and I were in really bad place in our marriage (I agree), he was using meth frequently, was also on different medications for bi polar, and drinking on a daily basis.  I believe that he is truly sorry and this was a HUGE mistake but, I can't stop thinking about them being together, it kills me.  We have been married for 13 years and have 4 year old child... I have chosen to stay and TRY to work it out.  I, of course, told her husband and tried to confront her (she hung up on me).  She is still denying everything and is in fact saying that I making things up about her to the point that she tried to file harrassment charges on me (failed, since I only called her one time).  I found out that she was the one that pursued my husband by grabbing his "package" while at working and saying that shes "gotta get some of that" and talked about her trimmed area and how smooth it is and would talk bad about her husband saying things like how bad in bed he is and that he only last for 1 minute.  I don't know how a woman can go after a married man with a family.... I am so mad, hurt, sad, lonely, confused, embarrassed, and humiliated...  I am now having some sort of sexual contact with my husband on a daily basis, I dont know why but, It feels like Im in competetion.  He tells me that there is no competetion and that she could never even hold a candle to me.  He says that he sees now that she is a ***** and has no respect for her b/c she went after a married man and is showing no remorse what so ever. I fixate on small details of the affair even though he says that there was no intimacy and it was more like a "wam bam thank you mam" .  I am furious with him and her since I did confront her in person during the time that the affair happened and she abolutly denied everything and said that she was happily married and would never do anything like that to her husband, stupid me, I believed her at the time (like I said before she is really ugly and actually has a "fupa" front butt) I just couldn't believe that my husband would have any kind of sexual contact with her.  What kind of woman pursues a married man?  I could not imagine going after a man like that... ever!  Thanks for listening, I really had to get this out.

Avatar universal
by shadow99, Sep 11, 2009

I hate to tell you but its been 3 yrs. since my husbands affairs and the pain is still there. At times things are fine and then something will come up to remind me and I get all emotional but try not to show it to him. He has not done anything else (so he says) but I always have that thought in the back of my mind that I didn't know before so he could be doing something again. My heart says he won't especially with all that he, us and my family went through, with him in the hospital on suicide watch, etc. but I can honestly say I will never completely trust him. I love him and will stay with him, unless he does something again, but I now find myself looking at other guys. I would never do anything but sometimes I think, well he did it so now its my turn. I no thats wrong thinking but sometimes thats how I feel.

After the affair we had a lot of sex also, I don't think I was trying to compete with her but the emotions both of us felt were almost like when we were first married. Things have since gone back to sex every once in awhile when "hes" not tired or can get it up. I also wanted to know all the details, I guess its just something you do. I still think their is more that he is not telling me but that could just be from the "trust" issue. I never confronted the women and I think that was a big mistake. Its too late now unless I run into them which is always a possibility but I think they are avoiding me. You might be able to get over it because you did confront her even though she denied it. I'm sure mine would say the same thing or blame it on my husband, etc. But it does take two. I think the women who chase after married men are probably in a very lonely life and don't care who they hurt. They probably have no self estem and it makes them feel good when men pay attention to them even though they know the men are not going to stay with them forever. Who knows. I just never, ever thought I would be in this situation with my husband. I thought (and so does everyone we know, except for a small few) we had the perfect life together. I now know their is never a perfect life together. Good luck, hope things work out for you.

Avatar universal
by Broken_Flower, Nov 19, 2009
I have read the posts above and cannot believe I am in the same position, my husband of 4 months I have found out has actually not been faithful for the whole time we have been together (6 years) apparently the woman had no idea he was with anyone, I have spoken to her and she confirms this although they did have time to get their stories straight. The story goes that he only saw this woman a couple of times a year, I have asked all the questions you would anticipate but he says it was because he thought he could get away with it.  I don't buy this because I cannot understand why you would only do it a couple of times a year, if you were getting away with it why would you restrain yourself to just a couple of times a year why not every week or month.  Obviously as I look back at the events in our relationship, I could possibly offer excuses for him however as this appears to have been from the start of our relationship all I can wonder is why he wanted to continue a relationship that was flawed from the start. His response is why wouldn't I want to carry on with you, he doesn't seem able to see that what he has done.  I cannot understand why 3 years ago we had a son and why 4 months ago we got married, only for me to find lurid text messages on his phone to this woman, who happens to be a good 8 years older than me.  Having spoken to her he said he used to contact her every now and again, of course she is equally liberal with the details, apart from, he is the only person she has slept with in 12 years and he made it clear that he didn't want a relationship with her.  So I feel like I've heard half the truth, I also feel like all the decisions I have made in the last 6 years have been a lie.  This is the thing that is crucifying me, if I had of known any of this, I never would have brought a child into the world or got married.  Funny the earlier posts saying about sex and there being a lot of it after everything has come out, the same thing has happened to me, although I no longer trust myself or my reasons for allowing it to happen, I suppose emotions are just running high.  I don't know what to do, I feel like he has trapped me...I can't believe that he loves me enough.

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by shadow99, Nov 19, 2009
Its been awhile since everything went on. The sex was great after it all came out and even though I was hurting inside things between us seemed ok. Now I almost asked him if something else was going on because our sex life is back to once every month (if I'm lucky and hes not too tired) He still is trying to be nice to me but I almost feel like its now an obligation by him. I was so upset two weeks ago I was alone, he was working, my kids were out for the night and I drank myself silly. I wrote him a long note on the computer (not a good thing to do when your drunk, but I said things to him that I never had the guts to say sober. All my feelings came out. He did read it (although I don't know if he want onto the second page where I told him I was going to find someone to satisfy my needs) and he has been more attentive lately. Unfortunately I know things will go back to being comfortable, but I guess thats what happens when you are married for as long as we have been.
I know this isn't nice but I found out yesterday that the women he slept with fell and got hurt just about 2yrs. ago and is still in pain. Can't work or do much. It made me feel so good, I don't know if my husband knows or not or if I should say something to him, but I feel almost back to normal. Strange how things turn out. Every dog has his day and I've had mine (almost). I hope things work out for you, I know things will never be the same here but I do love him and will probably stay, well at least until my 12yr. old is at college, then hopefully by then I will feel differently and everything will be ok.

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by mollykate88, Jun 16, 2010
Even when you think you are the only are not.. for me I found out Oct. 13,2008 from a phone call no less and it was her husband.....We have been married for 22 years now....we were high school sweethearts....and have never had sex with anyone but each other  and it was on our wedding nite..we got married at 19 and me 18...barley 18....anyway on Oct  13 I got a call for a man...i was in walmart....he told me hi name and then he said.....i think my wife and your husband are having an hit me like a tons of that moment i knew he was right.....i broke down rite there in the middle of Walmart.....i left....went to my car and had a major break down  crying hystrically couldnt breath...then i call him...when he answerd the phone....i lying cheating son of a *****>>>>>>>>>then i said....did you have sex with her...and he said i hung up........any way have going thru lots and lots of hell since then.....maybe can go 1 week with out yelling and screaming and hating him.......i still love him....but how dare he be with someone else like that......what do I do???????????????????????????

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by jpc462, Jul 30, 2010
I have been with one guy which is now my husband of 10 years I just found out that he had an affair before we got married, he is the only guy that I have ever been with sexually, but I am not the only girl he has been with, he didn't wait to give himself to me but instead went out and had his first sex with some orther girl, not only did he have sex with her once he had it with her 3 or 4 times and now I have HPV virus from it, that is how I found out, now I am the one that has to go through all of the pain at the doctors office and possiable have cervical cancer from it, I don't know that I will ever forgive him or if I can stay in this marriage, he says he has paid for it everyday since he did this, but I don't understand if you regreted the first time why did he go back for more, he says it was just all about sex nothing else, I am just having a hard time with this because we were ingaged to be married when he did this, and I see that as the samething as taking a vow with someone, he made a propsal with me and he broke it in my books, but I am the one paying for his misstake in life not him, I do love him still, I just dom't know what to do, or how I can have sex with him because I still can't get them out of my head, I just wish he would have told me this before we got married because I wouldn't have married him, and now we are married and I know this happened 10 years ago but it doesn't matter how long it has been it still happened, but he has never cheated on me since we have been married but you never know either, please someone help me try to get over this.

Avatar universal
by shadow99, Jul 30, 2010
Believe me you never get over it you just live with it. Its been almost 3 yrs and I still at times wonder why. I don't think our life will ever be the same but I do love him and I know he loves me and will never cheat again. Sometimes I wonder what will happen after our kids are gone if I will stay or leave but I have 4 more years and hopefully by that time I won't think like that anymore. The best advise I can give is try to talk to him a lot about it even though he's not going to want too. Hes gonna say it was in the past, I'm sorry can we just forget it but its hard for us women to do that. Men can easily but we can't. Hope all works out medically with you and just remember you did nothing wrong.

Avatar universal
by 80sGirly, Dec 17, 2010
All of these posts r amazing. I just found out my hub had an affair. Its been a week so I am still in the WTF phase. I cry on a constant basis. I locked myself in my room for days. I have 3 kids so that's hard to do. I just said mama had the stomach they sort of understood. We have been married 14 yrs together 20 altogether. I have loved this guy all my life I am almost 40 so yep a long time I have done a few things in the past in my early 20's that he caught me and never said a word cuz he didn't want to loose me. He held it all in. I have always been a yeller screamer that's me. That's how I vent that's how I deal w stress. He is the strong silent type who stays quiet. I always thought he handledmy rants. God knows I hold nothing in I have my melt downs then I am fine. He never did never. Never raised his voice to me. Best loving father hard worker. And me the yeller. Well when I found out it was through damn facebook. And trust me he hates the internet. He says atfirst he opened his acct to spy on me. But SHE sent him message there. Well one night I snooped and sure there it was her messages to him. Took him a night and day to finally dish that he did sleep w her. Wow talk abt a shock. He has always been the type who hates cheaters. His Dad did it to his mom. Now here he is. Its amazing told him today. That when u love someone and they let u down it rocks u and shakes ur core. I still am not sure who this guy is that I have pledged my life to. Sure the affair is over but the damage is done. He just saw her within the last few months after my bday and wedding anniversary. Hmmm ya think he told her those dates?? Don't think so. So this is my f***** up life as of this Lovely December. Having to celebrate Xmas like we r one big happy family. God give me strength. B strong ladies that's what they say. But this will not b easy counseling to start soon. God Bless...

Avatar universal
by ckhanda, Jun 27, 2011
I found out about 2 months ago, my husband of ten years had an affair whilst I was 7 months pregnant with our first and only child( about 3 years ago). A friend of mine tried to tell me a few months after the birth of our daughter I approached him even approached the lady and they both denied it. He actually had twins with the girl and finally I found out by finding deposit slips he has been paying maintenance every month for the girls. I feel so broken inside but I am praying for God to give me strength I have good days and bad days but I am trying to remain positive I will not be a victim I am a good person I will not evil win and destroy me - keep on fighting the positive fight ladies - God loves you I am so blessed to have him in my life, I will be strong and live to see another day!

Avatar universal
by me4me40, Jul 18, 2011
can someone please help me I am living in a world wind !!!!!!! On june 6th 2011  i found out that my husband had cheated on me in 2009 with a woman he had worked with I don't know all the details of there affair but I know enough THEY HAD SEX once everything was out in the open i started puttting 2n2 toghether n a lot of things made since about what he had been doing. The excuses the late nights and the phone that he wouldn't dare let u touch all this made since after he told me what happened. Anyway I cant get all these images and questions out of my head. I feel like I am going crazy and just need someone to talk to can someone pls help me I feel like such a fool and not only did he sleep with this woman he brought me chlymadia. I am in such awe that I cant seem to stop blaming myself for being hurt, or almost hating him we have 3 grls that i know couldn't live without him so i feel like i am stuck with no where to go HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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by shadow99, Jul 18, 2011
Don't blame yourself, first off.Also your not a fool, he is. Back in 2008 when I started these post I didn't know how things were going to turn out. But the one thing I learned is it wasn't my fault he cheated. It hasn't been easy these past years but we are still together and love each other very much. Do I trust him, yes and no. I guess I will never truly trust him 100 percent but we have had so many years, good memories and three children that I don't think I could have given that up.

I made my husband have an aids test and luckely that came back ok. I don't know if things would have been different if he gave me a diease. I had no one to talk to either. I was embarrassed to tell my friends. Two of them figured it out but I never felt comfortable talking to them about it. I guess I was afraid of what they would say and if I stayed with my husband what they would think of me. I thought about talking to one of my old boyfriends about it but never did. I guess I was afraid of what might happen there. I know how frustrating it is dealing with it on your own. I spent alot of time in my car crying at the lake or taking the dog on long walks. I think getting a puppy really helped me.  We did the marriage counselor route but that didn't really seem to help. He could not find anything for us to discuss.

My children adore their father and think he can do no wrong. Now that they are older they did find out sort of what happened and my middle son told me to get over it. Guess he will follow in his fathers footsteps. My husband heard he said that and did have a long talk with him and explained to him that he was at fault and not to be mad at me if at times I get angry with their father. Sometimes I still do. He still works with one of the women he fooled around with but says he doesn't talk to her. I don't know. I guess until we can move (which if 4 years) there will always be doubt.

My best advice is to look at the long picture. Can you ever look at him without hating him. It took me awhile, but I can now. Is your husband done or will he do it again and is he remorseful. My husband had a nervous breakdown because of the guilt and talked about suicide. He has changed with the way he acts toward me, he is more attentive, loving and caring. Things may not look like they will get better now, but if he has any remorse, love for you and your children, things may get better. Good luck and I'll look for your posts if you want to talk more.

Avatar universal
by lilmssunshine, Aug 03, 2011
My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We recently separated and I moved out. I told him it was over and to move on. We were separated about 3 weeks, (we had sex 1-2 weeks after I moved out! )Then I find out from a friend that he was having sex with another woman just weeks after having sex with me!. And during this time he is texting me and calling me asking me if we can work this out and if we can get back together! I asked him about it and of course he at first denied it. Then told me yes. He said what do you expect you told me it was over and to move on so I did.  I feel like the last 22 years has meant nothing to him at all and that he doesn't really love me like he says he does or he would have waited until the divorce was at least filed!!  He won't talk to me about it, says I just need to get over it.  We have since gotten back together and things were great in the beginning. but now when I look at him all I see is that he had sex with another woman after being with me for 22 years! I feel like he has this part of his life now that I will never ever know, he won't share details and I'm not sure I want them. But I still have lots of questions but he says for me to get over it.  What do I do if I can't get past this or if I can't stop seeing them in my head having sex!!!! Please someone help!! Thanks!

Avatar universal
by lollipop232, Nov 07, 2011

I hate to be the barrer of bad news but Statistic and research show that 90% of all men seek out another women at least once during their marriage. It is just in there DNA, the chromosones so to speak....

The best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that men are completely able to compartmentalize things in their life and that for them love and sex can be two very different things. Sex can be as utilitarian as getting a hair cut or working out or any other thing they do to maintain their life and such.

The vast majority who cheat really do love their wives, their lives and their children and have no desire to hurt them
(a few have the desire to hurt unfortunately). The truth is that the male species is not biologically set for menogomy. The sooner that you realize that wisdom, religion, therapy and such may never change that about a man the happier you will be. Men who have large amounts of testerone tend to seek out other women ( this pertains to most younger and mid aged men (25 to 45y/o) Older men( 45 to 70...yes 70) generally look else where as a way of fortifying that that are stil veral and many times they have lost the intimacy( not just sex) in the marrige because as we women age we ofter desire sex and true intimacy less and less( we like our gal pals so much more I think). Truly there are more complicating factors involved and individuals have their own baggage so to speak but I find these generalities hold pretty  true day and day out.

Furthermore my knowledge of this is based on the fact that I am a paid companion( a much smater choice than having an affair in my oppinion) so I get my info first hand. I am sure that many of you will be very oppinionated about me and what I do..... but I assure you almost every married man I have ever met has told me he loved his wife but just feels something is missing. I am not say that you are the cause of that something missing( thats the part of biology I mentioned) I am just saying that they seek out someone because there is the feeling (for them at least) that something is missing.

The best way to protect your heart is to not by into the BS that our mommy's and clergy have told us that If he loves us he'll be faithful. If he is faithful he has worked very hard to overcome the biology and male DNA for probably spiritual reasons or his biology (testosterone) is off. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much he loves you

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by Petuniakitty, Feb 04, 2012
Hi Lollipop, thanks for your input. My husband had an affair with a paid companion such as yourself, lying to me for over 2 years. They became very close friends after the sex ended and he did all kinds of things for her, taking her to doctors appointments and helping her when she was ill. I have no illusions about sex, I separate sex from love as well as or better than any man. Let me tell you though it doesn't matter. The hurt is deeper than anything I have ever felt, even 2 years after I figured it out. The lies and betrayal hurt way more than the idea of sex and the trust is broken. We have done everything right, we love each other do much but healing is SO hard, even under the best of circumstances. Know this: when you interfere between a man and wife, paid or not, you are participating in a great wrong doing. Both the husband and wife will suffer later to varying degrees. Some day you may understand this in your heart as I do now. If you can, just have single customers so you can not cause harm.  I know you will probably blow this off, but if you are ever lucky enough to find the kind of love that breaks your heart, you might feel what I am talking about some day.

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by sunshineflower, Apr 06, 2012
I found out my husband had an affair in 2001 while I was pregnant with our third child. My husband got a facebook account and the first person to visit beside myself was a woman, I have never her of or seem visit our home. I confronted my husband about this after I found an e-mail from her in his e-mail account. For years I felts something was wrong. We have been married for 24 1/2 years. He protected this person, each time I asked if there was anyone else since that time. I believed him when he said no. But I read some of the e-mails. and she wanted him to leave me for her and he told her he loved her.
We are working on our marriage, but he will never be trusted fully again. I confronted her on the phone and she denied know and having an affair with my husband. Until the second time I spoke to her. She lied and said she didn't know he was married and had kids. He worked with her and she handled all the personnel records. She hoped that when I found out, he would leave r I would leave him,but he didn't. When he called her one day in October 2010 and I was present to her it was over. She showed her true colors to him. She began telling him lies about what I said. But she didn't know that I had him listen the two times I called. So he could her her lies to me. SO he learned all she cared about was she wanted someone to take care of her and it didn't matter if I got hurt or our children. She says she is a born again Christian. But she could do it again to get her man.
He tries each to make it up to me. Tells me he loves me and needs me more than I will ever know. It is hard sometimes to fell happy to know there are woman like that in the world. But I love my husband. Trust will take time and he knows that. He will have to get it back. As for the woman who cheat with married men. I hope they grow old alone and depressed. I know it sounds mean. But find your own man, not a married one. You don't know how many people get affected by this and how it changes their lives. I have no one to talk to about my feelings , but  I thought I could with this group. Thank you for reading my post and I hope this helps someone as well. You are not alone and your thoughts may be the same as someone else's here.  

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by lonely900, Oct 30, 2012
HI all,
I feel horrible reading all these heartbreaking stories but at least I know I am not the only one.  My husband cheated on my once before we were married, it was a 10 month affair and loads of lies. I thought I would die, I finally left him. We got back together, but I think he never fully trusted him.  13 years of an okay marriage, two wonderful children. We had planned to relocate to Europe for years and I finally got the chance, I went, he was going to follow.  He came to visit, worked on getting jobs, suddenly he turned angry.  He later told me he can't do the move. I had tld him I would come back if it doesn't work out, and I did. I quit my dream job and my career and came back. I left the place I wanted to be in and came back to be with him.
When I got here, he treated me like ****, he avoided me, barely talked to me.  It got a little better over. I love him and I was willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. He was not willing to go to counceling or do anything. Then he went on a business trip and I found out that he was going on vacation with another woman.  He is there with her right now.  I never thought I would have to live through this again. Why didn't he just end the marriage if he didn't want it anymore? But make me give up everything I had, only to dump me then? He doesn't have the guts to tell me, he just keeps this going.  I finally hired a PI and I got the photos of him, kissing and hugging this other woman, and it makes my stomach turn. I despise him, I hate him, but I still love him and I am not ready to let him go, but here I am staring at this photo, and I can't believe I am here and this is happening. Right now.

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by Princess1177, Dec 01, 2012
This is a word of advice to all married women whose husbands have cheated on them. it is as much the other woman's fault as it is your husband. It is hard when you've been married to a man for many years and have been faithful to him then to find out he has been unfaithful to you. the marriage will never be the same because it will always be in the back of your mind what he did to you even if you forgive him. what gurantee do you have that the affair is not or will not continue to go on. seek god for guidance. it's not easy when you love someone for so many years and you struggle to live without them, you think of the "good" times and you become sad, you think of the "bad" times and you become mad. Sometimes you just have to cut the umbilical chord and pray that God will heal you so that you can love again and be appreciated by a man who will celebrate you. Be blessed and stay strong women! Been there done that and love never dies it just slowly fades away. Princes1177

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by shadowc99, Dec 01, 2012
Hi all,

I figured since I started this post I should update it. Its been almost 5 years since my husband had the affairs. At present our marriage is great.If I don't think about what went on life is pretty good. However, I will never completely trust him. He talks to me about work and things and if he brings up something about a women involved I always wonder. He swears it will never ever happen again and apologizes over and over again. I guess I can live with it since I have been. I truly love him and I do believe he loves me too.We are planning on moving in 3 years away from this area. I think once we are away from here I might be able to let things fully go, maybe.
I believe karma has been working here, one of the women he was involved with had a nasty fall and hasn't been the same since, another had a heart attack and died.(I feel horrible for her children) I don't know about the 3rd because she remarried and moved away and now my husband might have to have surgery on his thyroid.
I really don't have advise for you all because initially I would say walk away and don't look back but I do believe every circumstance is different and one thing might not work for the other.
Good luck all.

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by dimples773, Dec 05, 2012
I have been married for close to 19 years and my husband has been having numrous affairs. When i confronted him about it same story everytime he says its not true. I got called by his woman telling me to stay out of his life, how can you when you are his wife and that they will not leave him alone. dont woman out there have any shame anymore. why do they want married men and still think that if they call the wife it makes the whole thing ok. we have been together for over 21 years so what makes those woman think out there that he will leave me now for them if he did not do it years ago. We have three kids and my daughter currently dont trust her own father and says that i will be better off of i left. my eldest son just told me to grow up and get over it so i suppose he will follow in his fathers footsteps.
what is wrong with these woman. Do they enjoy destroying families and what about the kids.
I love my husband and for those woman out there he will never be a free man. To the men out there cheating on their wives you guys really need to grow up and realise this is not a game any more but people with feelings that you are messing with.

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by Lily_29, Mar 29, 2017
Hi my husband has epilepsy..we are newly married and i was unware of his condition till he recently got an attack..our relationship was not going good even before the attack i suspected him of having an affair with his employee .. we rarely had sex and he would push me away in bed even in sleep,never talk to me and is always busy,he was as cold as ice to me.. when he got the attack i was their and his employee was their too she knew he had epilepsy ..after the attack when he regained his conscious he saw us took his employee by hand and took her in a room and closed the door on me.. when i held her hand that she will not go he made me leave her hand and said she will stay and told her to go to bed .. he was all over her hugging holding her and her hand.. he knew then who she is and who i am but he wanted her .. his explanation the next day was he doesnt remember and doesnt know why he would do that and the reason he didnt tell he has epilepsy is coz he didnt think it will happen again ..he still finds reasons to be close to her,talk to her and puts it on work.. Im going through alot right now cant find the right words to express my feelings..was he doing what was in his subconcious mind and couldnt hide his feelings? Or is it actually possible that he didnt know what he was doing?

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by rose1224, Nov 28, 2017
I was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together during these years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hates me and the kids and I love her only. So when my husband returned from the trip he said he did not want to see me and my kids again so he took us outside the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. So I and my kids were now so frustrated and I was just staying with my mother and I was not treating well because my mother married another man after my father died so the man I married was not And my children where so confused and I was looking for a way to get my husband back home because I love him and I appreciate him so much, so one day as I was surfing on my computer I saw a testimony about this caster spell Testimonies shared on the Internet By a lady and I am so impressed that I also think giving it a try. At first I was afraid but when I think about what I and my children are going through so I get in touch with him and he told me to stay calm for only 24 hours that my husband will come back to me and to my best surprise I received one Called my husband on the second day asking after the kids and called me and said that your problems are solved my son. So this was how I get my family back after a long brake stress up by an evil lady so with all this help from all I want in this forum to join me to say a huge thanks and also I will advise for any In such Or similar problems or any kind of problems you should also get in touch with him your email is is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. Once again your email address is ***@**** SPECIALIZED IN THE FOLLOWING SPACE. (1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) If you want to be promoted in your office. (4) If you want women / men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (7) If you want to bind your husband / wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial help. (9) How they have cheated you and want to recover lost money. (10) if you want to stop your divorce. (11) if you want to divorce your husband. (12) if you want your wishes to be granted. (13) Pregnancy to conceive the baby (14) Guarantee winning cases of annoying courts and divorce no matter how stage (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking up. (16) if you have any illnesses like (H I V), (CANCER) or any disease. Again be sure to get in touch with him if you have any problems that will help you. Your email address is ***@****

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