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Don't what to think anymore about who I am becoming.

Nov 18, 2008 - 6 comments

I have had a lot of time to do some thinking since I broke my foot last month. I have been trying to sort out the life that I have now that includes disabilities. I honestly have no clue what I am to do or think. I have always been the one to solve problems, or help out those in need. Now it is me that can't solve the problems anymore, and as much as I hate it I need help. Actually I need the help for my husband, he is stressing so much trying to make sure everything gets done. He works 8 hours a day, tries to keep the house clean, the laundry done. He cooks dinner but he loves to cook, but he cleans up from dinner, and he takes care of me while I am laid up with this damn broken foot. We nearly had a an argument last night, we never argue. If anyone knows of any resources for temporary inexpensive housekeepers in the San Diego, CA area please let me know. I am to the point that I am so depressed I am thinking of seeing if I can be put in the hospital for awhile so he would have a break from me.

I have been taken of Trazadone & Nortriptyline without being wheened off and put on a new medication  and had my Cymbalta dosage increased. I am getting migraines every day. Maybe it is just the stress. I go to the Ortho. Dr. this Thursday the 20th to get the results on the progress of my foot and how it is healing. Either way I know I still have at least 6 to 8 more weeks in a cast.

I just can't write anymore right now. I am tired, my head hurts.

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535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Nov 18, 2008
I am sorry you are having a horrible time , we have all been there and you just get to a limit dont you. I am like you I am the do-er and the problem solver I have often thought howmy Husband  would cope if I was unable to function, is it possible some good may come out of it, and will getting your husband doing more so you can take a break from responsibility now and again?As for Housekeepers how about an ad in the paper I bet (in this climate) someone will want to do some chores for you.or ask the neighbors if thier cleaner could help for a little while.I bet it is the stress causing the headaches, think positivly you will feel better soon.and hopefully he will appreciate you more.

525545 tn?1293184794
by SharJ, Nov 18, 2008
Thank you for you sweet comment. I think we have both hit our limit. He is a sweetheart, and he doesn't mind helping out at all. But it is the everyday things and taking care of me that is hard on him. All 4 of our kids are grown and have moved out of town or they could help. I have checked the paper, Craig's list and the ones I found are so expensive. I don't know if any of our neighbors have a housekeeper.

Yes I think the stress is a great deal of the headaches, but I also think it has something to do with the medication changes made last Friday also. I emailed my Dr. and waiting to hear from him.

Thank you for you concern and advice. That is very kind of you.


106886 tn?1281295172
by Mary 53, Nov 18, 2008
Hi Shar,

I am sending you a message, but wanted to catch you here before the night gets too long. Take a look at my profile page. We might seem different from one another, but I really don't think we are in many ways. And, we are very close in age, too.

I am so sorry to hear of all you've been through. I was hunting for a post and found a post from you...

Message soon,


632011 tn?1234350709
by spitfire989, Dec 01, 2008
Hi Shar.--I feel in my heart your dismay and pain.--It is'nt fair or right--(FOR YOU OR YOUR SWEET HUBBY)!!!--As for the housecleaning service---1: do you by chance belong to a church that may be able to help?--Perhaps you could mention it to your priest/pastor, explain the situation you are in, and see if he/she can perhaps mention it to the congregation for solutions.---And/or 2: are there any "teenagers" in your community/neighborhood that might be interested in earning $20 bucks or whatever to come over and maybe dust, vacuum, start wash, whatever?----Sometimes just performing the "little" tasks make the day a bit brighter.--The other thing, (I'm not sure if it's availalable) in your area is to contact the local Dept.of Social Services to see if they know of any Non-profit groups that offer "Light Housekeeping" to homebound individuals.---I don't know how it is in California, but in NY, they can at least give you a list of organizations that "offer" the services ( USUALLY FREE)!!---It might be worth checking into.---As for the children, don't "fret" over them and what they do or don't do.--Focus on what that High School sweetheart does for you--and even though you may not be able to help him now---tell him each day you love em, and truly appreciate all he does for you.---You guys have each other now---cherish and hold ALL that has kept ya going for X amt of years.----Take care honey---and if you need to vent--whether to laugh, cry, get angry or just chat--let me know.!!--WE'RE HERE FOR YOU----AND HIM!!!!

572651 tn?1531002957
by Lulu54, Dec 01, 2008
Shaar, This sure sounds to me like a reaction to the drug change and being off of them too abruptly.  Be sure to talk with your doctor about this if you still feel this way.

Now for your husband - if he had a broken ankle or two :-) and needed help, wouldn't you want to do things for him?  Well I am sure he feels the same about taking care of you.  Its called a partnership because we help each other.  I've been on both sides of this caretaker thing and like you would much prefer to be doing the giving rather than taking but sometimes it can't be helped.

Get some rest, look for some help around the house (maybe contact your MS chapter and see what's available),  and give your hubby an extraa hug.  

Lots of love to you, Lulu

Avatar universal
by crazymae, Dec 02, 2008
Dear Shar, Without going into detail, I know what it's like to live with physical disabilities: rheumatoid arthritis, herniated back discs, ect. But just think-at least there's light at the end of the tunnel for YOU. You're going to heal and go back to your real life. I'm not minimizing your pain or difficult situation, but it will be over soon. I've learned that the sky will not fall because the laundry doesnt get done, or if you have pizza a couple nights a week. I don"t know how old your kids are, but when you're up and better, perhaps you can teach them some age-appropriate life skills: dishes, making a simple breakfast or lunch, ect. And don't forget to reward your husband when you feel up to it: wink,wink.

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