All Journal Entries Journals


May 24, 2012 - 2 comments












After 5 days on Prednisone recommended by a non smell specialist, a neurologist, I started to feel a strange metallic industrial taste which seems to be whatnothers call parosmia.

First thought: I'm smelling! Second thought: parosmia :( Mi.

Couldn't find indications online that parosmia might be due to recovery start or so... Oh well.

I am feeling better on 5 days of lexapro, but incredibly sad for anosmia. No words can describe it. It feels so lonely, it's such a lonely ilness to have specially because if you haven't had it, you can't have a clue how sad it is. So no one close to me can get it or is that concerned. It's lonely. And... Devastating. The thought of living with it till I die is upsetting to say the least. I am not sure how I'll do it.

I had a revelation this week. I realized my family was what they called dysfunctional. I always thought parents were heat but realize now that bc my mom worked and I was around nannies, siblings most of the time, I didn't have hat a child needs, the nurturing, mirroring etc. Which probably results on all issues imhave such anxiety self doubt procrastination lack of self confidence... Altough you wouldn't guess if youn new me. It's the false self that took control of the true self. Probably most of my achievements were based on wanting to be good enough... So I could be qnd feel loved, the kind of nurturance I probably lacked in the first 3 years of my life.  I have a lot to read and understand but things are becoming clearer. I like understanding as it's easier for me to rationalize and know how to proceed.

Suddenly all my relationship issues along the last 7 years + make sense. The breakups. MY, I have tonadmit it, controlling behavior wanting to change people I'm with. My clinginess. Needy me. Glass Half empty me. Loving excitement at first and getting bored quickly.

Wth... Why didn't my therapist see it or if she saw it she didn't explain it to me? I'm pissed. I wanna work on feeling better. Hw can I if I don't know where it comes from? She kept saying I lacked self estime when I didn't think it was true. Never explained why besides saying my parents where not there.

I feel so lot and on the edge of a rope yet I have to work on my head... Not sure I have the street or patience left. Now that I need it the most.

Post a Comment
2033435 tn?1329943508
by thethinme, May 31, 2012
Parosmia update May 30 2012

Off prednisone now. I realized that while on prednisone I developed first Phantosmia, and a few days later, full parosmia.

Food I ate that previously had no taste started to have the same chemical burnt smell as in Phantosmia. And the same taste too. It tasted awful and I tried to hold my breath while eating as not to feel it.

Then whenever there was any kind of smell in the air, I would feel the same chemical smell. It was terrifying to go into local hipster grocery store and... Feel it allover the store. I don't recall feling any smell there before my accident. I looked around and obviously I was the only one to feel it and everyone acted normal. It felt like I was in a scary movie.

I am a little depressed obviously... It's not easy.

I am reading a lot about brain, smell, anosmia, parosmia. I didn't know the human body was so delicate. And that there is no cure for several illnesses. It's so sad. If I were rich I would certainly give bunk of my money to medical research.

I like to think the parosmia is my brain trying to do something about it... And that my nerves were not completely torn. And that there is still hope. Although a lot of studies show there's no relation. But I haven't seen online people recovering w/o some parosmia first.

I don't think my right nostril is working at all but...

I swear I can kind of smell at least two things:

1) nutella in the jar - if I smell directly there I think I do get some chocolaty nutty hint.

2) grape Gatorade - I swear I can smell something grape-y from the bottle but might as well be my mind playing tricks on me as the smell is mixed with or reminds me of my parosmia smell.

When I try to smell something with right nostril... Nothing. Oh well. I'll take one functioning nostril over none any time.

I know if I make any progress it will be slow... But I am praying for cells to regenerate. I have awful days and slightly better hopeful days where I don't feel like killing myself if this doesn't improve...

Today I did not manage to be productive in any way but felt a little better as off prednisone it seems awful smells are less strong. What I felt on prednisone was the worst thing ever I would kill myself if my life was to be that way.


2033435 tn?1329943508
by thethinme, Jun 20, 2012
Almost one month passed and parosmia still here.

I am not sure whether I have Phantosmia too, it's so hard to tell. I certainly have parosmia though, as I do smell things although everything smells and tastes wrong and mostly the same smell - rancid popcorn slightly burnt and chemical.

Ugh. So hard to live like this. I'm already in my ideal weight and it's scary as I don't feel like eating. All tastes bad and the same. I'm eating to stay alive :(

Hard specially to eat healthy or want to cook, as there are no mental rewards, just physical that can't be really felt short term.

Tired. Of this. :( Of life.

Trying to keep hopes high but it can take months or years... If.

Post a Comment