May 24, 2012
After 5 days on Prednisone recommended by a non smell specialist, a neurologist, I started to feel a strange metallic industrial taste which seems to be whatnothers call parosmia.
First thought: I'm smelling! Second thought: parosmia :( Mi.
Couldn't find indications online that parosmia might be due to recovery start or so... Oh well.
I am feeling better on 5 days of lexapro, but incredibly sad for anosmia. No words can describe it. It feels so lonely, it's such a lonely ilness to have specially because if you haven't had it, you can't have a clue how sad it is. So no one close to me can get it or is that concerned. It's lonely. And... Devastating. The thought of living with it till I die is upsetting to say the least. I am not sure how I'll do it.
I had a revelation this week. I realized my family was what they called dysfunctional. I always thought parents were heat but realize now that bc my mom worked and I was around nannies, siblings most of the time, I didn't have hat a child needs, the nurturing, mirroring etc. Which probably results on all issues imhave such anxiety self doubt procrastination lack of self confidence... Altough you wouldn't guess if youn new me. It's the false self that took control of the true self. Probably most of my achievements were based on wanting to be good enough... So I could be qnd feel loved, the kind of nurturance I probably lacked in the first 3 years of my life. I have a lot to read and understand but things are becoming clearer. I like understanding as it's easier for me to rationalize and know how to proceed.
Suddenly all my relationship issues along the last 7 years + make sense. The breakups. MY, I have tonadmit it, controlling behavior wanting to change people I'm with. My clinginess. Needy me. Glass Half empty me. Loving excitement at first and getting bored quickly.
Wth... Why didn't my therapist see it or if she saw it she didn't explain it to me? I'm pissed. I wanna work on feeling better. Hw can I if I don't know where it comes from? She kept saying I lacked self estime when I didn't think it was true. Never explained why besides saying my parents where not there.
I feel so lot and on the edge of a rope yet I have to work on my head... Not sure I have the street or patience left. Now that I need it the most.