Jun 09, 2012
Have you ever felt like your walking down the street and everyone seems to be flying past you 10X faster, everyone going on with their busy lives smiling and talking on the phone?... Well i have, and dont get me wrong i had places to go but no matter what i did the fog wouldnt lift. So there i was stuck walking down the street, walking as yet another person gone un-noticed, but on that point even if i was noticed im sure many people wouldnt care correct? Do i even want to be noticed... i really dont know, ive spent so long hiding and trying to fade into the back, did i finally succeed? Succeed at completely errasing myself from society as a noticed human being? and if i have then why does it bug me when all along my aim was to go un-noticed, to faid in to the back of the croud and be left on my own.
So all these feelings arose late into the evening, it was an ok day i suppose we had a family meal coming up at my fiencees house with his family so naturally my anxiety was extreemly high (lets just say they are not the healthiest people i know and they dont eat very good food). Now i was sitting there after ariving looking at the food selection trying to figure out how many calories i was going to eat, what i was going to eat, the fat content in the food i was going to eat, if i was going to eat and purge or if i was going to purge should i binge and purge to make it worth it what about my laxitives or diuretics? so naturally my head was a huge mess. Well that was just the start everyone was breaking out into fights and i once again sat in the corner and said nothing, well maybe i should have because soon after everyone turned on me, funny thing is i never said a word to any of them. all these things broke out and the peosons baby shower i was supposed to be going to, well it turns out she had been talking about be behind my back and also setting me up thouh i did say things about the other girl some of what she had told her was false and i ammitted to the other girl what i said and that it was ou-t of anger and that i was sorry but still everyone still attacked me.... i was a sitting duck always quiet and shunned to the back now i had a bunch of snakes scuying around me just waiting to attack and trust me they did.....
Im going to leave it at that today so ill talk to you guys later....