Dec 07, 2008
I don't know why I'm writing this. This forum feels so deserted tonight and I'm not ready to give it up. I am not looking forward to Christmas and when I think how much I used to it makes me very sad. I've lost the zeal for my choir, for holidays, for this town, for everything that used to be so important to me. I'm a disappointment to my kids. A laughingstock to this town, I used to love to dance. There's never anywhere to go dancing here anymore. Sometimes I can get lost in my singing but that becomes rarer every Sunday night. I'm worried about presents and finding the money for a downpayment on an apartment. I'm worried about this relationship I'm in - he's too much of a puppy to me and he worships me too much to be good for him. I feel worthless and flat and empty. Maybe my sleepy fatty (Depakote) meds will give me some rest pretty soon.