Dec 07, 2008
I know I'm depressed when I could give a shite about Christmas festivities. We had to cancel all giving this year, which isn't the issue. That actually gives me a sense of freedom for a change. I usually get the biggest kick out of putting up the lights and having friends over and playing bells at church and all the other things that revolve around the holiday.
This year, I've had it. I cannot drum up one bit of... anything. Just came in from trying to put up some exterior lights and gave up after discovering a third of them died while in storage since last year. I wasn't planning on getting Hubby to drag down the moving and lighted reindeer set with the sleigh either - just lights. I got so frustrated I just threw the lot away in the trash bin. Again, I could give a shite.
I need to go see my shrink, but can't afford the co-pay. This is so weird. I haven't felt this depressed at Christmas since my Dad was dying of cancer in 1993. That year I got so POd with the lights and neighborhood kids tromping all over them that I literally pitched a fit. Screamed and yelled and took the hedge trimmers to all the light strings - in the front yard. Dad loved it when I told him about it. At least I gave him one last belly laugh.
I made it a point to get my rear end in church this morning, this being the first Sunday of Advent. I left in the middle of the sermon. Instead of focusing on the "reason for the season" the church is drumming up support for a debt-relief/ money raising campaign. Frankly, I'm disgusted that the campaign continues during this season. The church has been trying to attract new members, and Advent is when many people visit new churches. What do they get at my church? Money money money!!! Gimme gimme gimme!!! I am thoroughly disgusted. The entire service was all about giving, who has given, and how much. They even incorporated it into communion! "Please leave your pledge cards on the communion rail..." Am I the only one who finds that even remotely offensive?
Guess I'd better end the rant. I feel worse for the writing of it.