Dec 09, 2008
I feel depressed and the reason being that I was accused of faking being sick. I get sick in weird ways its just how I've always been. I deal with it. Some months I might be out of work everyother week or even everyweek for a couple days a week just to get better. if I get the flu it hurts to much to work. because of my usual stabbing pains I can't work with body aches on top of them. some days my pain is just so frequent and painful that I just need to rest and spend the day stretching to try and make the next day better. This past 3 weeks has been like that. 1st week I was out for 3 days from work because of getting my wisdom teeth out, which wasn't a big deal. then I started getting the flu. I tried to work on the monday and managed to force myself to work. the tuesday was worse, I hardly wanted to leave my desk. it felt like I would fall over from the aches. so wed through friday I stayed home. I never work weekends so I had 5 days to recoup. I started feeling better worked the week and by friday I couldn't do it. I got sick again. I tried to work at the request of my Fiance, but had to come home. it was that night that my mother in law. who we live with at the moment go "sick of me faking" she said it was bull ****. every time I was sick my fiance had a day off. nothing to do with it. I'd been sick before that day. and its a horrible coincidence. out of all those days his day off and me bring sick in bed coinsided maybe twice.
She proceeded to give him a long speech about how I've been using her and she's sick of it. that I waste, that I'm lazy, that I fake being sick and that if I were to get fired -I- would get kicked out. Not US but just me. this was the worst night ever. all the stress made me start to panic. I couldn't stop crying because I never wanted her to hate me. I don't waste (she ment water) because My fiance asks me to try and work. so I shower and go to work. I don't use her. I never aks for anything from her. I didn't want her to hate me. and I failed due to something I can't help. So I cried and paniced and I had a hard time breathing. it was the only time I thought of leaving my fiance so he wouldn't have to face the possibility of losing his family. But then this isn't the point right now.
She accused me of faking sick. I wouldn't do that. and I just get sick alot. anyone who has ever known me will know that when I get sick I get really sick or I get sick, it goes away and something else comes and sticks around. This whole thing is jsut depressing. I can't help it. and she thinks I'm faking. I decided the next day that I wouldn't tell her when I'm sick. and I don't see a point in saying I am to anyone anymore. My fiance keeps telling me to at least try to work. that if I get fired we get kicked out cause he wouldn't leave me. and that he can't work on his own. I'm made to feel guilty for being sick. He says he isn't trying to...but saying those things, you HAVE to be meaning to.
Its led me to think that he thinks I fake to. So why bother letting people who think I fake know i'm sick. This is what is depressing. The one I love... might think I fake being sick. and having the person you love not believe you is the worst feeling. though I'm sure if I said this to him he would be wonderful again. apologising and saying that he loves me and that No he doesn't think I fake. but that he just doesn't want me losing my job... which would , as much as it would make me feel better, it would also make me feel a bit guilty again for thinking what I do.
I suppose this isn't getting me anywhere. so I'll just end this there.