Dec 09, 2008
suboxone can be the worst mistake you ever make. or maybe it can be the answer for you. i think it all depends on your dosage, how long you use them, and how serious you are about getting clean.
i started using suboxone about one year ago. throughout my life ive used heroin, sometimes frequently enough to get a habit, sometimes not. before the suboxone i was not using heroin at all, and hadnt used for probably a year. what caused me to start the suboxone is pretty stupid. i got a bottle of painkillers from the dentist after some root canals. they were only 7.5s, not very strong. but to an ex opiate addict, they felt great. it had been so long since i had steady opiate in me, that little bit made me feel like superman. i used them not at all for the pain in my mouth, but to give me energy and euphoric feeling before work. as soon as they ran out, i went into withdrawl. i was amazed. i couldnt believe i was sick from using 20 7.5 oxycodones. but that is how my body is now. when it feels opiates, it goes crazy. so when the painkillers ran out, i had a pretty substantial physical and mental withdrawl going on. i was very, very weak. i was very depressed and sad. like a fool, i went to a clinic and got suboxone. i started one 8mg a day, breaking it in half and talking half in the morning, half at night. after some months, i moved down to 4 mg a day, then some months later 2 mgs a day. to be honest, going from 8 to 4 to 2mgs/day wasnt hard at all for me. so i was very optimistic about being able to quit totally. guess what. NOT HAPPENING. ive been taking 2mg (sometimes even less) of suboxone a day for about 4 months now, and cant f*cking get off them. ONLY 2MGs!!!! this is the smallest dose made, where do i go from here? its awful. i have to have half a 2mg pill right when i wake up. every morning when i wake up, im feeling WD symptoms. anxiety, depression, weakness, tingling extremities, everything. its unreal. ive tried taking litte tiny pieces, tapering down like that, and its torture. like someone said previously, even if you break it down into little tiny crumbs and taper with that, its just like an extended withdrawl rather than a healthy, successful detox.
i desperately want to be clean. i havent had desire to use opiates in two years now. that part of my life is over, ive moved past it. if you didnt know me, youd think i was an athlete or personal trainer in amazing shape. im 5'11 185lbs of muscle. i workout every day. i do martial arts, running, etc. but i cant get off this evil drug.
i think the thing that got me so hooked is how long i stayed on the suboxone, and the fact i didnt take it seriously enough. i believe that if you start at a modest dose of 8mg MAXIMUM or preferably less, like 6mg a day, and taper quickly down to 2, then break that in half to 1 mg a day, you can use suboxone successfully. but you have to do this over a short period of time. if you use the suboxone to catch any buzz, or use it to substitute one drug for another, youre really screwing yourself. if i wouldve just used it for lets say, 3 months maximum, i think id be fine today.
i used methadone successfully twice in my life. people who say methadone is worse are misinformed. methadone was 10xs easier to get off for me than suboxone is. im even considering using a very low dose methadone taper to get off the suboxone, as backwards as that sounds.
i should share this experience also. suboxone blocks most of the effect of other opioids. so if youre on suboxone, and take say a 40mg oxy, you shouldnt really feel much. i accidentally did this once. i was given a 40mg oxy. instead of throwing it out like i should have, i accepted it and put it in my clonipin bottle. during the night, not thinking of course, i took what i thought was a clonipin out of the bottle and swallowed it. WRONG. it was the oxy i took. when i realized it about an hour later, i started to panic. i was afraid i might get sick or something. what actually happened was strange. while i didnt feel a high from the oxy at all, i also didnt feel the need to take my suboxone at the normal time. i think i was able to go almost 6-8 hours longer than usual without feeling i needed the suboxone. it almost felt like i could kick suboxone using a broad spectrum opiate.
i might try this. i dont know what else to do, except go to inpatient rehab or outpatient methadone clinic. i might actually go without the suboxone until i get sick, then take a small amount of a painkiller and see how long that gets me through. if it gets me through a long time, i might try to taper with that instead, because tapering with the suboxones JUST ISNT WORKING. like i said, ive had heroin habits before and used methadone successfully to get clean. all i had to do was a slow taper, down to even 1mg of methadone which might as well be nothing, some people start at 120mg. i was able to get clean. but not with suboxone. this stuff is killing me.
i know i just wrote a novel. but i had to get it out. this stuff is running my life right now, and im by no means abusing it, or over doing it. yet still i cant go without it, and when i do the WDs are AWFUL. i feel terribly alone, depressed and sad. i feel almost hopeless. im very scared. ive never wanted to be clean so badly and just not able to do it! i dont know who to talk to or where to go with this. im just going to try to taper again. if it doesnt work, im gonna have to go inpatient rehab because i dont want to be on this drug for another day, let alone a year.
oh one more thing, my doctor once said that some people take low dose suboxone for depression. he actually suggested that like it was a good idea, to take 2mg of suboxone a day for depression. holy sh*t, i almost passed out when i heard him suggest that. its absolutely true that probably more than half of these doctors either dont know or dont care what theyre getting their patients into.
*** Again..this is not me and I just found it at the hosptial and thought it was a good story and well written...there was a post about mehadone verses sub earlier here on medhelp...this showed how some many make different choices..if they must to get clean...