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Writing Again

Dec 13, 2008 - 1 comments

I haven't felt up to writing in this journal for quite a while.  My days at work have been good, but when I get off work I inevitably get into bed for a  nap.  Sometimes I'm not even tired, but usually I am.  Anyway, this eats up most to all of my evenings and I wind up accomplishing very little.

Even picking out clothes for the next day -something not that time consuming.  Most nights I do get on here and read some posts and sometimes post myself, but I haven't really kept in touch with the folks here that have been "regular" friends.

Working full time is hard for BP me, I've decided. I don't want to quit my job.  I mostly love it and I need the money.  But I am really knocked out at the end of the day no matter how good or bad the day has been.  I think working part-time would be closer to ideal for me, but it's not an option really available right now.

I work at a school and next Thursday is my last day before our two week holiday break.  I can't wait!  We don't have to go back until the 5th of January.  Teaching and working with kids can really burn you out!

Things are actually going pretty well right now, at least I'm feeling good and decent about myself for once in a long, long while.  One blemish is that I have been taking an online class (my first one in 15 years) and I got totally behind.  I hit a depressed spot mid-October and couldn't get myself to work.  I slept and slept.

The anniversary of my father's death was 10/28 and I'm sure that's what touched me, but I completey stopped working on my class.
The teacher told me to just catch up as I could and I still havn't done it.  But yesterday she extended my time; that means I "have" to work on it during my break. At least I got A's so far, which has reallly built my confidence - I thought maybe I'd be too dumbed down by my illness and my meds.
Arghh!
I want to try another class this Spring and I don't. My weekends are less stressful w/out school, but going back to school has been my goal for many, many years and I never thought it could actually happen.
So, that's where I am.
Today was a good day as I pulled myself out of my cave/apartment and volunteered at this youth football thing. Of course, I came home and took a nap.  But I did a tiny bit of cleaning and made a picture for my wall.
I'm not hypomanic - I just feel like my normal "better" self.  Why can't everyday be like this?


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by RJ233, Dec 15, 2008
Don't feel bad Lizz, I have been having those no inclination to do much either.I still have trouble with the sadness.It is weird how sadness is so different from depression.

You have done really good though.You have had a lot that has aggravated your depression. Sorry about your Dad.I still morn my Mom most of all! My Aunt that raised me died when I was young and I thought it was the end of the world.Then I met my Mom that I hadn't seen since I was 10.I was in my 20's then,but due to her husband, I really got to spend the last 5 yrs of her life. I really loved her. My Dad died,who I had no contact with until I was about 53.He died 2 mos after I started seeing him and Mom died the same year. I never got close to him, but I did my Mother. It seems like the grief never really goes away, it just gets a little easier to handle.

I'm glad to see you are trying to do your classes again and the teacher is understanding. That helps a lot to take away the stress. You keep your mind active and it helps when you start studying after being out of school so long. Congratulations on your grades! See you still got it. You go girl!!

It is good that you are starting to un-isolate yourself. You really needed that. You feel better! It is good to see how well your doing. You have been overcoming a lot of the stress,and depression. You may continue needing to rest during the day, but you got to figure you still have busy days working, house,and classes. That is a lot. Take care.

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