Dec 22, 2008
Oh joy! I have regained my journaling capabilities! I'm so overwhelmed I've forgotten all the deep and crucial things I was so desperate to say - it'll come to me....
Just got word last night that my oldest child who is now 20 has called his sister to ask for a ride from the airport in the twin cities. She doesn't have a car so I don't know what he'll do but I won't be picking him up. This is the charismatic sociopath who I haven't heard from (except for the complaints of my relations when he "visits" them out of the blue) for about 6 months. I do NOT want him to show up for Christmas - it will just wreck it for me. This kid is always in "take" mode. He does exactly what he wants at all times with just a smile or quick apology. I know it's Christmas and it's the season to give - especially to family but it's so hard to explain. I made a decision concerning him the last time we spoke which was ugly. He denied everything I threw at him which I knew he would but it was too late. I had thought long and hard about why things kept disappearing when ever he was around. How we were always supposed to be there for him - monetarily, to give rides, to feed him. He disappeared with his 13 year old brother last Christmas day and they couldn't be found - though there was desperate searching - before we were obligated to begin the 2 hour treck to our family - without them. He had taken him to go smoke some pot even though his brother was on Christmas leave from a fascility for kids with substance abuse issues. He borrowed hundreds of dollars from his younger sister who had worked at a camp and so had been able to save it up. He's been pan handling - playing his guitar - across the U.S.A and where he got the funds to obtain an air ticket I can't imagine. How cold I sound. It's a distance I have to maintain because it is his nature to undermine it. To find my weakness. To play upon my affection for him. He's done it all his life. I was his first victim but there will be many others. I'm so worried that he will just show up. I need to go over to my mother's house and lock her garage and remind her to keep her house locked up. Who ever has a baby and thinks this will be the outcome? What ****.