Jul 19, 2012
Being a caregiver is rough business. I assumed that it was going to be hard, but not like this, especially on the emotional level. It's finally catching up to me and taking its toll.
For those of you that don't know, Abel, my ex-fiance whom I got back together with recently, has Stage II Testicular Cancer. He is undergoing chemo and is about to start his 2nd cycle on Monday.
We were together for 3 years before all this happened. We broke up, I got back together with my hs sweetheart but that shortly fizzled to nothingness, then Abel and I got back together again...I know confusing, right? lol Anyway, he's been living with me and I have been unintentionally appointed as his caregiver. I pretty much just started taking over because I could tell that it was getting too overwhelming for him and with good reason too. He has so many appointments, medications, specialists, treatments, doctors, nurses, etc that it's even getting hard for me to keep track of everything. I have a lot of things to keep us straight and so far it's working.
The emotional toll of this is making me crack though and it's tough to explain it to anyone who simply does not understand. I never really allowed myself to fully absorb the diagnosis. I was in the room with him when he was told that he may never have children. Him and I have a lot of faith that he still can and plan on trying in due time. I have gone to nearly every single appointment and treatment with him so the doctors and nurses know me just as well as they know him now. The daily stress of this can easily reach life-consumable capacity. Just yesterday, I received a phone call for a job interview, but it was for Monday...of all days. So the lady offered for Tuesday, but I had to explain to her the situation so now it's for the 30th but I feel like I just shot my chances of that job already. I admit, it would be extremely difficult to have a day shift job right now. Abel's car died last week and he's been using mine or my mum's for work. I have to drive him regardless for chemo because it wipes him out way too much for him to safely drive. I'm also that "in-between" person that the docs and nurses talk to for updates since he isn't very vocal about his symptoms. I'll notice it or he'll tell me something, but won't tell them so I make sure to tell them...ya, if you can't tell...I'M STRESSED THE FRAK OUT!
I muddle throughout the day, but Abel's new life is completely intertwined with mine whether we like it or not. I can barely work, I'm heavily relied on, I'm his nurse, I'm his confidant, I'm his girlfriend, I'm his best friend, I'm his shoulder to cry on, I'm his personal secretary, I'm his gamer partner. Life didn't just get put on hold for him...it got put on hold for me too. Ironically, being a caregiver seems to be opening a new door in my life that I didn't expect to open. It seems I have a real knack for being in the medical field.