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Jan 16, 2009 - 0 comments
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Thyroid

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Anxiety



I am back on  Synthroid after several years.  Up until now I have had very border line hypothyroidism.  As I explained on my first post on this site, I was hospitalized at the beginning of this week for Rheumatic Fever.  The doctors who thought I had RF pooh poohed my TSH of 12.7 and the docs who thought my severe joint pain was from my TSH pooh poohed my RF.  It seems like every time something goes vaguely wrong physically there is either an extreme difference of opinion, or someone accuses me of being a Hypocondriac(sp?).  I have been diagnosed with Fibromayalgia, pineal cyst, pain disorder (definitely true as this point, even if it wasn't true at first), disc problems, carpal tunnel, depression and possible Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Each time I see a different doctor he/she says the last one was wrong, and I feel like I am dragged in one enormous circle.  It occurs to me now, and probably for the millionth time that my thyroid could be to blame for all of this.  My mother has a very long history with thyroid problems.  When I was six her thyroid was so bad that her eyes bulged out like Marty Feldman's, and she was a nervous wreck.  She and my father had lots of marital problems during that period, and he temporarily moved out.  When she picked me up from school each day, several children would yell "Hey Froggie".  Needless to say, I was mortified, and learned to despise her odd looks. as well as her vulnerability.  Well, here I am, not only do people say "Wow, you come up with the freakiest stuff". but my husband is the main person accusing me of being a hypocondriac.  He's one of those people who refuses to comment or worry until there's a death sentence.  I honestly don't spend a lot of time ruminating about all my problems, but I have been wishing recently that I could get some kind of legitimate disease or disorder so that he would take me seriously.  This I have achieved by coming down with Rheumatoid Arthritis and a high TSH, but somehow now it's not all it's cracked up to be.  Maybe I look for physical manifestations all the time because depression and anxiety are not visible, and I want someone to take care of me.  It occurs to me, also, that seeing my mother as so vulnerable, at such an early age, I feel like being sick is the only way to get taken care of.  The truth is that I am a very capable strong woman, and so many people (who I'm not married to), have told me they admire me for how brave and impulsive and free spirited I am.  I don't walk around faking it, I am extremely open and no-nonsense.  I'm going to mull this over while waiting to see if the Synthroid takes care of some of my symptoms.  I don't see how I could be inventing this when I am this self-aware.

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